Make Up Your Mind to be Kind

I've been thinking a lot about what's going on in our world - and imagine you have too. I kept wondering, "What can I do that might help?" and was moved to write this about how we can make up our mind to be kind.

I welcome your insights.

Do you ever get discouraged by man’s inhumanity to man?

It can be discouraging to watch the news and witness yet another tragedy, scandal or man-made disaster.

Yet complaining about it, or being outraged by it, hurts rather than helps … unless we actively try to improve it.

The thing is, we don’t always have the ability to change what’s happening on the world stage. We feel powerless to fix what’s wrong, to make things better.

The good news is, there are ways to make things better.

Paying attention to, and contributing to, what’s right with the world can make things better for us and everyone around us.

As Jose Ortega y Gasset said, “Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.”

The challenge is, many of us have become so stressed, so angry, we no longer even notice what’s right with the world; we no longer even see man’s HUMANITY to man.

This point was brilliantly made in an article by Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post. I remember reading Pearls Before Breakfast on a Sunday morning years ago and was so inspired, I set the magazine down and said out loud, “Just give the man the Pulitzer.”

Weingarten wondered, “What would happen if you took a renowned violinist and positioned him inside a D.C Metro Stop during morning rush hour?

What if you asked him to play six compositions, each masterpieces that have endured for centuries, on a rare Stradivarius?

Would any of the hundreds of people streaming by take a moment to pay attention to a free concert by one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written, on one of the most valuable violins ever made?”

Guess what happened?

In the forty-five minutes Joshua Bell played, (yes, the multi-talented Joshua Bell who packs them in at concert halls around the globe), only 7 (!) people took a moment away from their rush-hour commute to listen to his performance.

The other 1070 people all rushed by, seemingly oblivious to the miracle in their midst.

Weingarten’s point? Have we become so uptight and driven that we have lost the ability to see the beauty around us? He quoted W.H. Davies who said, “What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stop and stare."

Weingarten made another stunning observation, “There was no demographic pattern to distinguish the few people who paused to listen except … every time a child walked past, s/he tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away.”

Hmmm. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Kudos to Gene Weingarten for his visionary social experiment. (And he did get a Pulitzer for it). Please take the time to read Pearls Before Breakfast and ask yourself:

· Would I have paused and taken a moment to listen to Bell?

· Why or why not?

· Have I become inured to the beauty around me?

· At what cost?

· What can I do to be more attentive to, and appreciative of, the beauty in the world?

Starting today, instead of dwelling on or obsessing about the news, which primarily reports man’s inhumanity to man, choose to give your attention to what’s uplifting, inspiring and enlightening.

Keep your antenna up for examples of humankind – man’s humanity to man.

Notice and thank the people who are making a positive difference … the parents, teachers, entrepreneurs, servers, community leaders who treat others with respect and are dedicated to living in integrity and adding value.

When we choose to honor and BE humanKIND – we expand it. And when we expand it, we make it more of the norm. And isn't that what we all want?

Want another example of humanKIND?

Have you ever had the chicken-skin experience of singing in a choir or hearing a concert of hundreds of voices lifted in song?

Well, composer Eric Whitacre thought, “What if I gathered people from 73 countries around the world – online – and conducted a virtual choir with thousands of people all singing the same song at the same time?”

Take a few moments to listen to the transcendent results of Eric Whitacre’s Virtual Choir 2 “Water Night.”

Do it right now. Don’t pass by this shining example of man’s humanity to man. Act on your insight from Weingarten's article. Bring some beauty into your life now, not someday.

I promise, for the moments you listen to this, you will be immersed in what’s right with our world - right here, right now.

You will be swept up in the joy of human harmony.

You will see the world in a more positive, proactive, high-potential light.

And when you do that, when you celebrate and share what’s beautiful in the world, when you make up your mind to be kind, you create a rising tide raising all humanKIND.

And that benefits all of us.

Day Right Quote #45: It's Not Nature OR Nurture - It's Nature AND Nurture

My energy was a little flat yesterday and I wondered why. All of a sudden, it came to me. I had "inside-itus."

I had spent hours looking down at my laptop, working online, answering emails and writing a blog post.

Spending too much time indoors - and keeping our head down - is a prescription for feeling down.

So, I headed outside and LOOKED UP.

I didn't see this magnificent waterfall, but I DID see spacious blue skies, golden foothills and a serene lake park trilling with the sounds of songbirds.

Nature nourished me and lifted my spirits in minutes.

Are you overdue for some nature and nurture?

Thinks will be looking up as soon as YOU get outside and LOOK UP.

What's Your Review - Preview?

“Time races by like wild horses over the hills.” – Charles Bukowski I'm wrapping up the year by staying with a long-time friend in Kauai. She's graciously opened her home to me so I can finish my Year by the Water manuscript. As we got caught up over dinner overlooking the ocean, she said ruefully, “Where did the time go?”

Exactly. It’s said that “old folks’ homes” are filled with people asking, “What happened?”

I’ve come to believe that one of the best ways to counteract the fleeting nature of time is to imprint and honor each year with Review-Preview ritual. I used to host Review-Preview salons at the National Press Club. Every December, we’d gather to reflect on the previous year and share what we were most grateful for – and then look ahead to the coming year and share our hopes and intentions.

Many people have told me how much they appreciated these opportunities to deeply connect with others and do a deep "connect and reflect" dive into honoring on who and what really impacted them – and why.

A guest came up to me after the first gathering and said, “Sam, this was like doing a verbal vision board. I’ve done vision boards in the past and it’s uncanny how many of the things I put on my board came true."

Exactly. So often, years blend and blur into the next. Let’s not let this happen this year.

Here are my 10-10 questions you’re welcome to use to host a Review-Preview with your friends or family. Feel free to adapt these as you see fit or create your own. They can facilitate a meaningful conversation about who/what really matters for us and the people we care about.

P.S. At the end, I share my own abbreviated answers to kick-start the process. Sending best wishes for happy, healthy holidays and a new year that’s everything you want… and more

Review of the past year:

1. What is a favorite place I discovered, explored or spent time in?

2. Who is someone who really impacted me? How so?

3. How did I change? What new/different beliefs and behaviors did I adopt?

4. What's a meaningful achievement or skill acquired I’m proud of?

5. What happened that was unexpected or surprising? How did it affect me?

6. What will I remember about my health from this year – and why?

7. What was my biggest challenge – lesson learned the hard way?

8. What did I NOT find time for?

9. What is the best book I read or movie/TV program I saw? Why?

10. What experience and/or person am I most grateful for? Why?

PLEASE NOTE: When previewing the coming year, you might want to state your intentions in the PRESENT OR PAST TENSE vs. the FUTURE tense.

Why? Our subconscious believes what we tell it.

Experts say this is one reason New Years Resolutions rarely work. They're often stated as wishful thinking, "I'm going to ..." or "I will" which is speculative. Stating your goals as if you've already experienced them, “I loved meeting … “ or “It was so satisfying achieving that ...” is perceived as a statement of truth and helps turns them into a successful reality.

Preview of the coming year:

1. A particularly satisfying achievement this past year was …

2. A new place I thoroughly enjoyed discovering and exploring was …

3. I am so glad I got to meet and spend time with ... because …

4. I loved acquiring this skill and/or getting back into this hobby …

5. I am grateful for doing this spiritual practice … It made every day more …

6. I will always be glad I took better care of my body and health by …

7. I finally made time for …

8. One way I contributed and gave back was to …

9. Something that really added joy to my life and contributed to my well-bring was ….

10. One of the most important ways I changed was to …

Sam Horn's abbreviated responses to the Review of 2016.

1. What is a favorite place I discovered, explored or spent time in?

(Sam - swimming with Zach the Dolphin at Marineland in Florida.)

2. Who is someone who really impacted me? How so?

(Sam - Mary Loverde for teaching me to abandon absolutes and that it's as important to receive, receive as it is to give, give.)

3. How did I change? What new/different beliefs and behaviors did I adopt?

(Sam - I actually started eating vegetables - can you say kale and spinach?! - in greenies and liked them! Thank you Wildfit!)

4. What was a meaningful achievement (or skill acquired, dream goal realized) I’m proud of?

(Sam - Attended a workshop with Charles Needles and Dewitt Jones in Monet’s Garden in France – and learned to use my iphone camera to create quote-images I post on Instagram that are a source of purposeful, fun, creative instant gratification.)

5. What happened that was unexpected or surprising? How did it affect me?

(Sam – Almost passed up an opportunity to speak in China because of doubts. What was unexpected was I almost“played it safe” - not my normal mindset - and didn’t go. I re-committed to being adventurous and bold instead of being cautious and wary.)

6. What will I remember about my health from this year – and why?

(Sam - I cracked my ribs and lost my freedom of movement for a few months. Made me re-appreciate what a gift it is to be healthy and to have complete mobility and no pain.)

7. What was my biggest challenge?

(Sam - My biggest challenge was learning to see my calendar as having OPEN days - not EMPTY days – so I didn’t revert to a decades-old habit of saying yes and filling my days with commitments.)

8. What did I NOT find time for?

(Sam – Hudson Valley, Walden Pond and the lake where Helen Keller said her first word, “Water,” which is why my Year by the Water is SO not over. )

9. What is the best book I read?

(Sam - Commonwealth by Ann Patchett. Proves that “literary” books about the human condition can be kind, insightful and a page-turning read.

10. What experience and/or person am I most grateful for? Why?

(Sam, my sister Cher who runs my business and who I trust implicitly. My sons Tom and Andrew, their wives Patty, Miki, and grandson Mateo for gifting me with a family I love. My friends who bless me with their generosity and positive spirit. My most important lesson-learned is that Connection is the current that runs through my life. It my Holy Grail. You are all with me, wherever I am, and I am grateful. )

Sam's Quick Preview of 2017?? I'm about to be blessed with TWO new grand-children and will be moving to Boulder, CO. Stay tuned. - - -

Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, TEDx speaker, author of IDEApreneur, POP! Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? – has the best of all worlds doing work she loves' speaking for such clients as National Geographic, Boeing and Capital One; writing books/blogs that add value; and helping clients create one-of-a-kind projects that scale their impact – for good.

Look Closer

Do you know one of the biggest lessons I've learned as a result of my Year by the Water and from 20 years of researching, writing and speaking about attention, concentration and focus? The quality of our life is directly proportionate to our quality of attention. 

Yet, as explained in Got Your Attention? … goldfish have longer attention spans than we do.

I’m not making that up. That’s from research by Harvard professor Nancy F. Koehn. Goldfish = 9 seconds. Human beings = 8 seconds.

What that means is we tend to rush through life distracted, impatient, perpetually on to the next thing.

At work, we're constantly interrupted and besieged with conflicting priorities.

We rarely really focus on anything. As a result, we don’t really connect.

The good news? There’s an antidote to this.

Three times a day, take three minutes to do this simple ConZentration Look Closer Exercise. Simply stop what you’re doing and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

As soon as you do, you will feel a newfound appreciation for that person or activity. You will find yourself really listening to that person. You'll find yourself more deeply engaged in that task. It’s amazing how accessible focused connection is. It is, literally and figuratively, a moment’s NOTICE away.

I’ve collected my six favorite quotes about seeing – with some added comments – and share them here. They're excerpted from Got Your Attention? (which Marshall Goldsmith says is a "must for every leader") and from ConZentrate – a book I wrote about how to stay focused in an unfocused world and which Dr. Stephen Covey endorsed as "Remarkable, thought-provoking, fascinating, motivating"

Hope you find them thought-provoking. You might even want to post a favorite quote where you’ll see it every day as a reminder to stop and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

Taking the time to stop and SEE who you're with and what you're doing is the first step to creating SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in your eyes.  It's the key to being IN your life and fully experiencing it rather than rushing through it and looking back with regrets, wondering where it went.  It’s the first step to staying focused at work instead of feeling constantly frazzled and frenetic.

Six Quotes on How to SEE Your Way to Improved Focus and Connection

1. The first words of our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, are, “Oh, say, can you see…” The real question is, “Oh, say do you see…”

2. “Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t time, and to see takes time.” – Georgia O’Keefe As mentioned, to see takes time and intent. We must give our mind an order and decide to focus our attention on THIS thing for THIS amount of time.

3. “Develop interest in life, in people, things, literature, music. The world is simply throbbing with rich treasure, beautiful souls, fascinating people.” – Henry Miller There is no excuse, ever, for being bored. That is simply a lack of imagination and a lack of really seeing the miracles that surround us every single day.

4. “Life is postponed until further notice.” -Sam Horn The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the quality of your attention and connection.  Put yourself on NOTICE now.

5. “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck The second you really SEE someone or something; you’re flooded with renewed appreciation. Attention = appreciation.

6. “The whole of life lies in the verb seeing.” – Teilhard de Chardin Every time I see this quote, something deep within me says, “YES, emphatically YES.” Not seeing = not connecting.   Fully seeing = fully connecting.

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Want more? Check out Sam’s books – Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? which Marshall Goldsmith calls "a must for every leader" and ConZentrate which Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) endorsed as “Remarkable, fascinating, thought-provoking, motivating.”

Or, contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com to arrange for Sam Horn to present her GOT FOCUS? keynote to your convention or corporate meeting. Discover for yourself why her programs on how to focus and concentrate have received excellent ratings from NASA, been featured on NPR; and how they can help your employees be more focused, mindful, connected and productive at work.

To See It is to Receive It

You've heard the saying, "To see it is to believe it." Well, being here in Claude Monet Gardens and Museum At Giverny, Franceas part of my YEAR BY THE WATER causes me to understand that:

"To see it is to receive it."

How could one look at Mother Nature's miracles and not be filled with wonder?

Years ago I wrote a book titled ‪#‎ConZentrate‬ that Stephen Covey recommended as "Fascinating, thought-provoking, motivating."

Although it sold well, was taught at NASA and featured on Dianne Rehm's NPR Show, my editor at St. Martin's Press, Jennifer Enderlin, told me it was "before its time."

Back then, many corporations or associations shied away from booking a program with Zen in the title. Too woo-woo.

Now, companies such as Goldman Sachs, General Mills and Google pay good money (smile) for courses on mindfulness and meditation. They understand the need and bottom-line payoff of their employees knowing how to stay focused and stay centered in our rush, rush, high-pressure, multi-tasking world.

There is a section in that book called "Now and Zen" with a chapter titled "Oh Say Do You See?" that features this quote from Henry Miller:

"The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."

Miller's right.

However, to really see something takes time, and many of us don't take the time - or feel we have the time- to stop what we're doing and give this person, this place, this project our full focus.

In fact, many of us can probably relate to something my son Tom said during high school. The boys and I were discussing plans for the weekend over dinner. Tom looked a little distracted so I asked, "Tom, are you listening to me?"

"Sure, Mom," he said with a big smile. "You have my UNDEVOTED attention."

Out of the mouths of teens.

Because many of us are going, going, going from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed, it's easy for UNDEVOTED attention to become our default.

Yet the happiness we seek - the deep connectedness we yearn for, is available anytime we want - for a moment's notice.

My sons taught me the importance of putting myself on notice and of being here and how - instead of here, there and everywhere.

One night, while we still lived on Maui,I was giving Tom and Andrew their nightly back-rub after reading from their favorite book, Riptide.

We had created imaginative names for a menu of different types of back-rubs - bumper cars, finger rain, chop suey, slap happy. electricity.

But, that night, instead of being fully present and giving myself to what Thoreau called "the bloom of the present moment," I was a million miles away in my mind.

I was speaking on Oahu the next day and was preoccupied with, "What time is my plane again? When do I need to leave? Does the car need gas? Have I already packed my hand-outs?"

Then, for some blessed reason, my mind came out through my eyes and I saw Tom and Andrew as if for the first or last time.

And in that instant, an ordinary moment became an extraordinary moment. I was filled with gratitude for their health, for their being, for their joyful vitality ... for what Einstein called "knowledge curious."

I became re-awakened to how indescribably magnificent they were and how fortunate I was to be their mom.

How about you?

Do you have so much competing for your time and mind that you rarely really SEE anything?

Are you rushing through your days, feeling disconnected, giving UNDEVOTED attention to the people and places around you?

Anne Morrow Lindbergh said, "Perhaps we never really appreciate anything until it is challenged."

Could you promise yourself you will set aside five minutes today to stop what you're doing and give someone or something special your UNDIVIDED attention?

Could you put yourself on notice and really SEE this person, place or priority as if for the first or last time?

As soon as you do, you will feel deeply connected with them and viscerally grateful for them.

For those five "see and receive" moments, all will be right with your world.