Change Doesn't Take Courage - It Takes Clarity

"You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute." - Tina Fey We can want to change, even know we need to change, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we will change. It takes urgency and clarity to change things up. Here's what I mean.

A forty-something woman names Beverly raised her hand in a SOMEDAY presentation in Waikiki and said, “I’ve been to inspiring keynotes before. I go home all fired up, then life intervenes, and two weeks later everything is back to same old, same old. Any suggestions?”

I told her, “Have a pretend S.E.E. to give yourself a sense of urgency and clarity. An S.E.E. is a Significant Emotional Event. Unfortunately, most are dramatic or traumatic. We get fired, divorced, have a heart attack or lose a loved one. This forces us to re-evaluate the way we’re living. We realize there are no guarantees so we’re motivated to focus on what's important and change things up now because we realize we may not get a second chance. The way I see it, why not have a pretend S.E.E. so we get the epiphany without the pain?”

“What’s an example of a pretend S.E.E.?”

“We can do one right here, right now. Just ask yourself, “If I only had a week to live, what would I stop doing? What would I start doing? What would I do differently?”

“You’re asking us to imagine we’re going to croak in a week? Isn’t that a little morbid?”

I smiled, “Thinking about our mortality isn’t morbid; it’s motivating. Sometimes it’s just the incentive we need to stop taking our life, health, loved ones and freedoms for granted and to change our life - for good.

She said, “Okay, I’ll play along. If I only had a week to live, I would stop letting fear rule my life and start doing things that scare me.”

“Like what?”

“Like going into the ocean. I watched JAWS when I was a kid. Big mistake. Here I am in Hawaii and I haven’t even gone into the water.”

I said, “Okay, let’s hack that fear. One way to hack fears is to realize they don’t prevent things from going wrong; they prevent things from going right. Do you know about the swim area by the Natatorium where Duke Kahanamoku used to swim? It’s only three feet deep so there’s no way you can get in over your head, and there’s only one small opening in the sea wall so the surf can’t get in and neither can the sharks. Let’s put a date on the calendar so you don’t wiggle out of your intentions. When are you leaving the islands?”

“We fly out in two days.”

“Then tomorrow is the day. Schedule a 6 a.m. wake-up call. When the alarm goes off and you’re tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, ask yourself, ‘What will matter a year from now? That I got an extra hour of sleep? Or that I finally overcame a fear that’s been keeping me from living full out, and I got up and outside and had a one-of-a-kind experience I’ll always be grateful for?”

“It’s worth a try. But why 6 am?”

“Because sunrise is at 6:30 am and you want to be at water’s edge, ready to step into the ocean the moment the sun rises over Diamond Head. It will be what Hawaiians call a ‘chicken skin’ experience. Experiences are more meaningful when they’re metaphors. You’re not just stepping into the ocean, you’re stepping into a new way of life where you remember your mortality and make changes to make the most of life now, not someday.”

I added, “Here’s my card with my number. Text me and let me know how it goes, okay?”

The next day Beverly texted, “I DID IT!” with an exclamation point and smiley face emoji.

What is a change you want to make? Instead of vaguely promising yourself you’ll do it someday, could you have a pretend S.E.E. to give yourself a sense of urgency and clarity so you’re motivated to act on it today?

If fears are holding you back, ask yourself, “What will matter a year from now?” Remember, fears don’t prevent things from going wrong; they prevent things from going right.

As Tina Fey points out, we can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide never going in. Courage is just remembering what's important.

You will never regret doing something that makes you happier, healtheir, more fulfilled. You'll only regret playing it safe, letting fear win, and taking yourself out of the game of life.

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu!, POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? have been featured in NY Times and presented to Intel, Capital One, NASA, Boeing, YPO, Cisco. Want Sam to present her inspiring keynote for your conference? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com.

Change for Good - At Any Age

"Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change."-Jim Rohn I remember asking a forty-something at a New Year's party, "What's your New Year's resolution?" He just shook his head and said, "I didn't make one. I just break them anyway. What's the point?"

“Wow,” I thought. “That’s like giving up hope.” I believe in hope and I believe we can change for good - at any age. One of the great blessings of being human and being alive is we can choose to do things differently any time we want.

Our history doesn’t need to predict our future unless we let it. Just because we’ve broken resolutions in the past, doesn’t mean we can’t honor them this time.

The secret is to believe it is possible. As Brene Brown says, "I will choose how the story ends." We can also choose how the story STARTS.

What will you change today to give yourself a FRESH START on life?

Long-time friend and Hall of Fame speaker Glenna Salsbury wrote an inspiring book on this subject entitled, “The Art of the Fresh Start.” The premise of Glenna’s book is that "most resolutions - no matter how well-intended - are doomed to fail for one often overlooked reason: they are incongruent with our dreams and values."

I think there's another reason our attempts to change often fail. We focus on what we don't want instead of on what we do.

My clarity around this was triggered by two emails our office received last week. The first said, “Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have questions.”

The second said, in response to our request to change the day and time of an appointment, “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Yikes. When we tell ourselves (and others) what NOT to do, we actually increase the likelihood the unwanted behavior will happen. For example, what do you think about when reading these phrases?

“I don’t like it when you interrupt me.” “You need to stop being late all the time.” "We can't afford to make mistakes in that meeting." "No need to get nervous before that presentation."

The words “don’t,” “stop” “won’t” and “not” are “ghost” words. Our mind doesn’t register them. When they’re paired with an unwanted behavior, “Don't worry,” or “I won't eat carbs" or "Stop hitting your sister” we pay attention to, produce, and perpetuate the very behavior we DON’T want.

That’s why, when that company rep said, “Don’t hesitate to call,” they introduced the word “hesitate” which means we’ll think twice before contacting them.

It’s better to say, “Please call if you have questions.” or "We look forward to hearing from you …”

For many people, the word problem means “something’s wrong.” Why give customers the impression something wrong if there isn’t? How about a more gracious, “That will work fine” or “Yes, he’s open at 4:30 and I’m happy to book that time.”

Words matter. It’s in our best interests to mindfully select words that focus on the DESIRED vs. the DREADED behavior because we get what we focus on.

This applies to what you want to change. Instead of using language that focuses on what you DON’T want; use words that state what you DO want. For example:

“I will stop sitting all day at work” becomes “I get up from my desk and take two ten minute walk breaks every day.”

"You need to stop interrupting people” becomes "Let people finish what they're saying."

“I don’t eat carbs” becomes “I love eating lean, green and protein.”

“I don't want to be nervous before that presentation" becomes "I welcome this speaking opportunity and will walk in with confidence."

Please note: switching the words we think/say transcends “semantics.” Choosing words that keep the desired behavior top of mind helps us - and others - change into being the quality of person we want to be.

To help achieve that, here are quotes on how we can change for good - starting now. You might want to print them out and post them where you see them everyday to keep them in-sight, in-mind so you keep them top-of-mind. Enjoy.

1. “Never say anything to yourself you don’t want to come true.” – Brian Tracy

2. "Life has no remote. You've got to get up and change it yourself." - Pinterest post

3. “If you’re brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” – Paulo Coelho”

4. “Look closely at the present you’re constructing. It should look like the future you’re dreaming.” – Alice Walker

5. “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” – Martin Luther

6. “There is only one day left, always starting over: it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk." - Jean-Paul Sartre

7. “Your future depends on many things, mostly on you.” – Frank Tyger

8. “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

9. “Live out of your imagination, not your history.” – Stephen Covey

10. “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone." - Pablo Picasso

11. “The only thing keeping you from what you want is the story you’re telling yourself about it.” – Tony Robbins

12. "And suddenly you know it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." - Meister Ekhart

13. “Do you know the #1 precursor to change? A sense of urgency." - John Kotter

14. “Change before you have to." - Jack Welch

15. “You can’t start the chapter of a new life if you keep re-reading the last one.” Pinterest post

16. “May your choices be based on your hopes and not your fears.” Nelson Mandela

17. “Don’t tell it like it is, tell it like you want it to be.” – Esther Hicks

18. “To make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar.” Richard Feynman

19. “The only danger is not to evolve." - Jeff Bezos

20. “How wonderful it is that no one need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

And a final quote from the incomparable Anne Lamott. It’s a long one and a good one. Wishing you a juicy year – and a juicy life.

“What if you wake up some day and you’re 65 or 75, and you never got your novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing you forgot to have a big juicy creative life of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” - Anne Lamott

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu!, POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? have been featured in NY Times and presented to Capital One, National Geographic, Boeing, Intel, NASA and Accenture. Want Sam to share her inspiring keynote with your group? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com.

We're Never Too OLD for NEW Dreams

Many people I interviewed during my Year by the Water told me, rather wistfully, that they hoped, planned, dreamed of doing something similar … someday. When I asked why they weren’t doing it now, they gave a lot of reasons including that they felt they were "too old" and had "missed their chance."

Too old? Missed their chance?

I shared my belief that we’re never too old – or too young - to make our dreams come true. Several people were skeptical so I shared two of my favorite stories:

I was in Aptos, CA wrapping up my SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week manuscript to turn in to my publisher St. Martin’s Press.

After a couple of rainy days, the sun came out which meant it was time to get up, get outside, and get moving.

I was walking through Seacliff State Park when two women popped out of their RV and asked me to take a picture of them. “Sure,” I said with a smile, “if you tell me your story.”

Which is how I learned that Sheila had told her friend yesterday, “It’s time to take a break.” June resisted but Sheila persisted. She was even wearing a sweatshirt that said, “Nevertheless, she persisted.”

They hitched up their trailer, told their families they’d be back in a couple days, and drove from their home in central California, a couple hours away.

I asked, “What gave you such clarity about not waiting for someday to do what was calling you?”

Sheila said, “I’m an insurance agent. One of my older clients retired last year and bought the huge, fancy Winnebago of his dreams. He drove it to my office to show it to me and to add it to his account. I watched out the window as it took him about twenty minutes to park the darn thing and get out of it. He’s in his late sixties and doesn’t move very well anymore.

He came in, slammed the door, slumped down in a chair and said, ‘I waited too damn long, and now I’m too old to enjoy it.’” She shook her head and said, “‘I’ll never forget that.”

June chimed in, “We’ve taken our kids everywhere - Hawaii, Disneyland, the Grand Canyon. We want to make memories with our kids before they don’t want to spend time with us.”

I asked if I could share their story because they’re such inspiring examples of why NOT to wait until later to do what’s important to us. Later may be too late.

You may be thinking, “I agree with this in theory, but you don’t understand my circumstances.”

You’re right, I don’t. Here’s what I suggest though. Next time you see an arts and crafts show in your area, GO.

Why? They are full of “real-life” people who are walking-talking proof that we're never too old to make our dream come true. Here’s what I mean.

I was traveling through the South. I checked into my hotel on the Savannah Harbor, discovered the Springtime Craft Show was being held at the convention center next door, and went to check it out.

My first stop was at the booth of Toffee to Go. Lisa Schalk, former stay-at-home mom, told me that several years before, she had cooked up home-made white chocolate/macadamia nut toffee to give as Christmas presents to friends and family. They loved her innovative flavors and begged her to make more. She started going to weekend arts/crafts fairs where her toffee kept selling out. She told her husband Jim, a hospitality executive, “I think we’ve really got something here.”

He told me, “I thought people were just being ‘nice,’ until I went with her one weekend and witnessed for myself everyone’s enthusiastic response. People had driven from hours away to buy her toffee in person. We bet on ourselves. I quit my job and we went all in, full-time.”

Fast forward. They just bought a 16,000 foot warehouse, were featured in O’s Christmas issue, and have corporate clients around the country. “People tell us, ‘Oh, you’re so lucky Oprah’s Favorite Things found you.” She smiled, “Luck is a lot of 2 a.m. nights, but it’s worth it.”

I discovered the “Pretty Darn Good Salsa” couple in the next aisle. They created their own special blend with beans, corn, cilantro and secret ingredients for a Super Bowl party. Everyone loved it. They started making bigger batches. After retiring (he was a school teacher for decades), they now hit the road every weekend. He says, “It may be 8 degrees back home, but we know we’ll be in Florida that weekend, visiting our daughter, meeting all kinds of interesting people and hearing their stories, while paying for our retirement. It's the best of all worlds.”

Next I was drawn to a booth featuring wearable art. The proprietor Lynn Shore, told me, “My grandmother, who had the patience of Job, taught me to knit when I was eight. I started hand-crafting gifts for friends and realized, “This isn’t just a hobby; it’s a business.”

When I asked, “What do you like best about these festivals?” Lynn thought about it and then gave a profound answer, “I am inspired by the creativity of humanity. It is a blessing to be here.”

What is the moral of these stories? None of these business owners studied these careers at college. None of them could have predicted they would turn their passion into a profitable and meaningful profession. However, all of them are grateful to have “encore careers” where they’re doing work they love that puts the light on in their eyes and puts money in their bank account.

John Barrymore said, “A man does not become old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

Please don’t let take regrets take the place of your dreams. Please don’t wait until it’s too late.

Get clear on your dream. Ask yourself, “What could add meaning to my life? What am I good at, what do I love to do, that people would pay for? How could I turn my purpose and passion into a profitable profession? How could I craft - or cook up - an encore career where I have the best of all worlds?"

Then get creative and set it in motion today … not someday.

- - -

Sam Horn - CEO of the Intrigue Agency and TEDx speaker - is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her work has been featured in NY Times and taught to NASA, Intel, Boeing, Accenture. Want Sam to share her keynote with your group? Contact Cheri@intrigueAgency.com

Want more ways to turn your passion into your profession? Check out Sam's book IDEApreneur.

What Miracles Await - An Hour Off Our Planned Path?

I am driving from Colorado to Califonia. My waitress at breakfast yesterday asked, "Are you going to Zion National Park?"

When I asked why, she said, "You know it's only an hour away?" I hadn't known.

Thankfully, I had left room for whims and was able to spontaneoulsy take this side trip which has made the whole trip more rewarding than I could have imagined.

By the way, that is literally true. When we partner with life rather than plan every minute of it, what unfolds is better than we can imagine. It opens the door for SerenDestiny (a life where the light is on in our eyes) and we are gifted with unexpected delights that enrich us.

I lucked out as it was a perfect winter day. Sunny and with no ice or crowds on the trails. Let's hear it for off-season.

Hiked up to Emerald Pools and marveled at this natural waterfall in the midst of the Utah desert.

Felt so blessed to be able to immerse myself in this sacred place in such ideal conditions, I decided I couldn't "rush off." So, I stayed the night at this lodge that looked out at, and was surrounded by, these awe-inspiring mountains so I could more deeply imprint and enjoy this sensory-rich experience.

Still can't quite believe this magnificent place was on my way - but not on my radar.

An extraordinary experience and totally unexpected.

How about you?

Are you leaving room for whims - space for SerenDestiny?

Do you listen to intuitive nudges and act on intriguing opportunities that pop up along the way?

Do you cooperate with what wants to happen vs. trying to control every minute of it?

After all, who knows what miracles await - an hour off the planned path?

SOMEDAY Is Not a Day in the Week

I'm here speaking at an event in Hawaii, and a participant asked, "What prompted you to write a book on SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week?"

I told the group the backstory and why I am a woman on a mission on this topic, and thought you might enjoy reading it too.

In 2015, I had just finished an intense two day consult. It was satisfying but I was so exhausted, I didn't know how I was going to get on the plane home that night.

My son called while I was summoning up energy to drive to the airport. He sensed something in my voice and asked, "What's up, Mom?"

I told him how drained I was and he said, "Mom, there's something about you I don't understand. You've created a life where you can do anything you want, and you're not taking advantage of it."

Out of the mouths of twenty-somethings. He was right. I could take time off. My sons were grown and out of the house. I was single, healthy, and could do work on the road to finance my adventures. I was free to go.

But you know what? Instead of changing things up, I went right back to my old habits and started filling my calendar again.

It wasn't until several months later when I was driving along the Pacific Coast on my way to give a workshop, that I had a "divine intervention." And yes, I know that sounds woo-woo, but that's what happened.

All of a sudden my mind was filled with an idea that wanted to be born.

If there's anything I learned from 17 years of emceeing the Maui Writers Conference, it's how important it is to ink it when we think it. So, I pulled over and here’s what poured out.

(Really. You can’t make this stuff up.)

“Some people are drawn to fire. I am drawn to water. After all, we are 65 percent water. It is our essence, our lifeblood. All of us are bodies of water.

Yet, as Maslow pointed out, water is a fulfilled need. And fulfilled needs tend to get overlooked and taken for granted.

So it is that I will set out on my Year by the Water on October 1. (My whaat?!)

I will spend a week by a different body of water — oceans, estuaries, mountain streams. Each week will have a theme. Can we really not step in the same river twice? Does salt water — sea, tears and sweat — cure what ails us? Why can’t we collect all the shells on the beach?

So, Chesapeake Bay, Marina Del Rey… here I come. I will interview people along the way — surfers, swimmers, sailors. I will swim with dolphins, houseboat on Lake Tahoe, snuba in Maui, sail off the coast of California.

I am clear that I am supposed to set this in motion but I am not supposed to control it. I am supposed to do the opposite of my always and cooperate with what wants to happen.

And so it is.”

I sat there, stunned by the out-of-the-blue suddeness of it all.

However, I realized how fortunate I was to have a crystal clear “calling” downloaded to me (with a name and start date no less) so I answered that call.

In retrospect, I think another reason I was so ready and willing to make this major change was because of something that happened to my dad.

My dad's dream was to visit all the national parks when he retired. As head of vocational ag education for the state of California, he was on the road 4-5 days a week driving to high schools, county fairs and farms and ranches. He was an honorable man who worked hard for decades to make a positive difference in the lives of his FFA advisors and students.

A week after retiring, he took off on his long-delayed dream, and a week after that, he had a stroke in a hotel bathroom.

Dad recovered from that stroke but he never did get to fulfill his dream of visiting the Smoky Mountains, Zion, Glacier and the Grand Tetons.

I didn't want that to happen me. I don't want that to happen to anyone.

Fast-forward to 2017. I did set out on my Year by the Water and it was everything I hoped it would be - and more.

The irony is, it ended up not being about the water.

It ended up being about the people I met.

In particular, the people who, upon hearing about my Year by the Water, would say wistfully, "I'm going to do something like that ...someday."

When I asked why they were postponing their dreams, many said, "I'm busy, I've got bills to pay, people counting on me."

They seemed to think it was selfish, almost irresponsible, to do what made them happy.

The problem with that? It’s based on the assumption that we’ll be able to do what we want when we’re ready. But what if we don’t?

As the Buddha said, "The thing is, we think we have time."

The purpose of my book (published by St. Martin's Press, Jan. 2019) is to help you get crystal clear that life is much too precious to postpone.

You have a right and a responsibility to do more of what makes you happy.

Please note, I’m not suggesting you quit your job, walk away from your obligations or take a year off to follow your dreams.

Many of you aren't in a position to do that ... and/or you may not want to do that.

The good news is, there are small things you can do right here, right now, to be happier, healtheir, more joyful and fulfilled.

My hope is that by reading inspiring stories of people who decided to change their life for good; you’ll be motivated to do the same.

Most importantly, I hope you’ll be motivated to put yourself in your own story and honor your true priorities. It's not selfish, it's smart.

You’ll never regret taking the time to focus on what will matter in the long run; you’ll only regret not doing it … sooner.

IF Something Goes Wrong, Just Yell "PLOT TWIST" and Move On

The Secret Sauce to SUCCESS? Being a quick study.

If something goes wrong, just yell "PLOT TWIST" and move on.

The quicker and more proactively we respond to a "course-correction," the quicker we can turn that experience into something that serves us rather than sabotages us.

As the saying goes, "There are no mistakes, only lessons."

IT's Called a NEW Year for a Reason: 20 Quotes for a Fresh Start

I asked my waitress this morning, “What's your New Year’s resolution?" She shrugged and said, “Oh, I don’t make resolutions anymore. I just end up breaking them anyway, so what’s the use?” “Wow,” I thought. “That’s like giving up hope.” I believe in hope and in fresh starts. One of the great blessings of being human, of being alive, is we can choose to do things differently any time we want.

Our history doesn’t need to predict our future unless we let it. Just because we’ve broken resolutions in the past, doesn’t mean we can’t honor them this time.

"Fall down seven times, get up eight,” as the saying goes.

The secret is to believe positive change is possible.

As Oprah Winfrey says, "We become what we believe."

Brené Brown says it a bit differently, "I will choose how the story ends."

We can also choose how the story STARTS. There's no time like the present - and no present like the time - to create a life where the light is on in your eyes.

What will you do differently - what will you start - to make the most of this gift called 2018?

Long-time friend and Hall of Fame speaker Glenna Salsbury wrote an inspiring book on this subject entitled, “The Art of the Fresh Start.” The premise of Glenna’s book is that "most New Year's resolutions, no matter how well-intended, are doomed to fail for one often overlooked reason: they are incongruent with our dreams and values."

I think there's another reason resolutions often fail. We focus on what we don't want instead of on what we do want.

My clarity around this was triggered by two emails our office received last week. The first said, “Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have questions.”

The second said, in response to our request to change the day and time of an appointment, “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Yikes. The human mind can’t focus on the opposite of an instruction. When we tell ourselves (and others) what NOT to do, we are more likely to continue the unwanted behavior.

For example, what do you think about when reading these phrases?

“Don’t worry.” “Stop running around the pool.” “I don’t like it when you tease me.” “Whatever you do, don’t fumble the ball.” "I'm not going to cry."

The words “don’t,” “stop” “won’t” and “not” are “ghost” words. Our mind doesn’t register them.

When ghost words are paired with an unwanted behavior, “Stop interrupting,” or “I'm not going to smoke,” or “I won't eat pizza" or "Stop hitting your sister” we pay attention to, produce, and perpetuate the very behavior we DON’T want.

That’s why, when that company rep said, “Don’t hesitate to call,” she introduced the word “hesitate” which means we’ll think twice before contacting them.

It’s better to say, “We hope you’ll call if you have questions.” or “Feel free to reach out if …” or “Please get in touch if …”

For many people, the word problem means something’s wrong. Why give customers the impression something wrong if there isn’t?

How about a more gracious, “That will work fine” or “Yes, he’s open at 4:30 and I’m happy to change this appointment.”

Words matter. It’s in our best interests to select words that focus on the DESIRED vs. the DREADED behavior.

This applies to New Year’s Resolutions too. Instead of phrasing them to focus on what you DON’T want; phrase them to focus on what you DO want. For example:

“I’m going to stop sitting 12 hours a day” becomes “I walk my dog in the morning and evening, and take a 15 minute movement break at 10 am and 2 pm every day at work.”

“I’m not going to work 7 days a week” becomes “I reclaim weekends as family/friend/me time and get outside for two fun, recreational activities on Saturday and Sunday.”

“I don’t eat processed foods” becomes “I love eating fresh fruit and vegetables and buy healthy, from-the-earth food that makes me feel lean, clean and energetic.”

“I will stop spending time on toxic people who bring me down” becomes “I choose to hang out with positive people who celebrate what's right with the world.”

Please note; switching the words we choose to use goes beyond “semantics.” It focus our attention on behaviors we want which helps us create a life we want.

To help achieve that, here are 20 quotes on how to make positive changes, fresh starts and new beginnings. Hope they help you create a happy, healthy, thriving new year.

1. “Never say anything to yourself you don’t want to come true.” – Brian Tracy

2. “You attract what you’re ready for and what you ask for.” – Sam Horn

3. “If you’re brave enough to say good-bye, life will reward you with a new hello.” – Paulo Coelho

4. “Look closely at the present you’re constructing. It should look like the future you’re dreaming.” – Alice Walker

5. “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” – Martin Luther

6. “Only dreams give birth to change.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

7. “Your future depends on many things, mostly on you.” – Frank Tyger

8. “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

9. “Live out of your imagination, not your history.” – Stephen Covey

10. “You’re always one decision away from a totally different life.” – Anon.

11. “The only thing keeping you from what you want is the story you’re telling yourself about it.” – Tony Robbins

12. "And suddenly you know it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." - Meister Ekhart

13. “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” – Jim Rohn

14. "Every thought we think is creating our future." - Louse Hay

15. “You can’t start the chapter of a new life if you keep re-reading the last one.” Anon.

16. “May your choices be based on your hopes and not your fears.” Nelson Mandela

17. “Don’t tell it like it is, tell it like you want it to be.” – Esther Hicks

18. “To make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar.” Richard Feynman

19. “The object of a New Year is to have a new soul, a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes.” – G. K. Chesterton

20. “Tomorrow is the 1st blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” Brad Paisley

In case you'd like to do some additional reading or research into how to make resolutions you'll keep, here are the best three articles I found on this topic.

* Ideas.TED.com - TED talks that with creative resolutions that can change your life for good. (Elizabeth Lesser's "Take an Other to Lunch" initiative is my favorite)

* New York Times - The Only Way to Keep Your Resolutions (with surprising science on why will power DOESN'T work - and what does)

* Fast Company - Six Secrets from People who KEEP Their New Year's Resolutions

And a final quote from the incomparable Anne Lamott. It’s a long one and a good one. Wishing you a juicy year – and a juicy life.

“What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65 or 75, and you never got your novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing you forgot to have a big juicy creative life of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” - Anne Lamott

What We Accept, We Teach

Are you in a situation that makes you unhappy? Have you tried everything to make it better but nothing's worked? Are you staying because it seems too daunting to leave?

We often think an unhealthy, unhappy situation only affects us. No, it's affecting everyone around us. We're teaching them THIS is what a relationship looks like. THIS is how people treat each other. THIS is what life looks like ... people suffer but don't do anything to change things for the better.

I remember one deeply unhappy woman who told me, "When I got married, I took vows for 'better or worse.' Well, this is definitely worse, but I'm a Catholic and no one in our family has ever gotten a divorce, so I'm stuck. It is what it is."

We may think we’re doing the “right thing” by staying in a situation where we’re deeply unhappy.

We’re taught that winners never quit.

We're taught to keep our commitments – for better or for worse.

So, we stay.

We stay in a job we hate to "pay the bills."

We stay on boards and committees with non-stop in-fighting because “it is what it is.”

We stay in a toxic marriage “for the kids.”

The thing is, when we’re deeply unhappy, we’re affecting the people around us, whether we intend to or not.

We have to ask ourselves, “What am I teaching by staying?”

Am I teaching my kids that THIS is what marriage looks like? Two adults who don’t even like each other? Who bicker and co-exist in a loveless relationship?

Am I modeling that this is what a career looks like? Sacrificing decades of our life at a soul-sucking job to provide for our family? If you ask the kids in those families what they want, they’ll often say “We don’t want you working all the time and coming home exhausted and angry every night. We want you to be happy.”

Am I teaching that this is what it means to be on a committee or board? People jockeying for position, embroiled in personality conflicts, spinning their wheels and not getting anything done or making a positive difference?

Am I modeling that the “responsible, right thing to do” is to stay in an unhealthy, unproductive situation even when it’s not adding value?

Wouldn’t it be better to model it's our responsibility to create a healthy, happy life?

Wouldn’t it be better to be teach - that if nothing we've tried has improved a situation - we find/create something better so we’re honoring the time we have left?

Wouldn’t it be better to demonstrate wisdom by leaving a consistently abusive relationship and seeking one where the people involved treat each other with respect?

Isn’t that what we all want, need and deserve?

Isn’t that what we want to teach?

Isn’t that what we want for our loved ones and what they want for us?

Happiness sets up a ripple effect. So does unhappiness.

What ripple effects are you setting in motion?

If you won’t replace a toxic situation with something more positive for yourself, will you do it for the people who are watching and learning from your example?

Please note: I’m not suggesting we act impulsively or irresponsibly. I understand there are circumstances where we do what we don't want for a certain amount of time because it serves a greater good. What I'm suggesting is we stop waiting for things to get better and start initiating sto make them better ... now, not someday.

One day or Day One. You decide.

(And if you're in a toxic relationship that is causing the unhappiness, you might find this article helpful. It has questions to help you decide if you're dealing with a toxic 5%er who is not motivated to change because they want CONTROL, not cooperation.)

You've Got to Have a Dream for a Dream To Come True

As I interview people for my upcoming book, I’m saddened to hear how many are so overwhelmed by their many obligations, they have given up dreaming. This story of a young dad has stayed with me. He said, “I commute two hours a day and work in a job I hate to pay bills. We've got three kids under the age of five so my wife and go from the moment we wake up to the mment we go to sleep. I don’t dream anymore; it’s too painful. I just keep my head down and do the best I can to get through the day.

I told him, “That’s why you need a dream. Otherwise, years will fly by and before you know it, you’ll be looking back wondering, “What happened?!”

He pushed back, “You don’t get it. I’m exhausted. I don’t have the time or energy to dream.”

I told him, “I do get it. It’s just that, instead of seeing exhaustion as a reason for NOT dreaming; it’s even MORE reason to dream. That’s not my opinion, that’s based on research done by “The Grand-Daddy of Goal-setting.” Dr. Edwin Locke reports that ‘specific, challenging goals lead to higher performance than no goals because they direct attention and mobilize effort.”

In other words, if you want to be happier, you need to direct attention and mobilize effort towards a meaningful life goal (that’s all a dream is) so you have something to look forward to, something that gives your life meaning and momentum.

He said, “Okay, I get that. It’s just been so long since I’ve allowed myself to have a dream, I no longer have one.”

I told him, “The good news is, there’s a four-minute exercise that can help you identify a personally meaningful dream that can help you be happier. The dream doesn’t have to be big and it doesn’t have to take time, money and energy you don’t have. It can be something small YOU want to do that could make life a bit better.

Please note: if you’re busy, tired, and tempted to skip this exercise, please rethink that.

A career coach told me, “Sam, you know what surprises me, even after all these years? Many people spend more time deciding what movie to watch than what to do with the rest of their life.”

The average movie is 120 minutes.This quiz takes 4 minutes. Surely identifying a dream that could lead to a happier life is as important as watching a movie. Think of it this way, this exercise is a four-minute mental movie of a life of your dreams.

Sam Horn's Four Minute - Four Box Happiness Quiz

“Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” – Gloria Steinem

Have you ever played a word-association game in which someone asks a question and you’re supposed to say the first thing that comes to mind? For example, I say, “Soup,’ you say “Sandwich.” I say “Horse,” you say “Carriage.” I say, “Hat,” you say “Trick.”

That’s what you want to do in this quiz. Please don’t second-guess your answers. Your first response is usually the most honest response, and that's the goal.

1. Please label the boxes in the square below: Box 1 is upper left. Box 2 is upper right. Box 3 is lower left. Box 4 is lower right. Put the word DOING on top of Box 1. Put the words NOT DOING on top of Box 2. Put the words WANT TO to the left of Box 1. Put the words DON’T WANT TO to the left of Box 3.

2. Write in Square 1 your first responses to this question: “What are you DOING in your life you WANT TO?” Doing work you love? Renovating your house? Walking your dog? Dating someone you like? Getting out in nature on weekends?

3. Write in Square 2 your fist responses to this question: “What are you NOT DOING in your life you WANT TO?” Not spending time with your family? Not exercising? Not writing? Not going back to college to get a degree? Not traveling?

4. Write in Square 3 your first responses to this question: “What are you DOING in your life you DON’T WANT TO?” Commuting two hours a day? Over-eating? Fighting with a spouse? On a time-wasting committee? Watching too much TV or spending too much time on social media?

5. Write in Square 4 your first response to this question: “What are you NOT DOING in your life and you DON’T WANT TO?” Yes, this is a double negative. It’s an important question though because it identifies toxic/unhealthy behaviors you're avoiding. Maybe you used to smoke and don’t anymore, and you never want to pick up another cigarette. Maybe you don’t want to work sixty hours a week and you’re not.

What Do Your Answers in The 4 Minute - 4 Box Happiness Quia Mean?

“They say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” – Andy Warhol

Take a few minutes to go back and fill in anything else that occurs to you. Gut responses are often the most enlightening, however others can offer additional insight.

When you’re finished, look at the responses in Box 1 and 4. That’s what’s “right” with your life, what’s contributing to your happiness.

The answers in Box 2 and 3 are what’s “wrong” with your life, what’s compromising your happiness. These are priorities you’ve been neglecting, putting off, promising you'll do someday when you have more time, money, freedom … fill in the blank.

Please note: we’ll always be things “wrong” with our life. None of us are perfect. The question is, “HOW LONG?” How long have you been doing these things you don’t want to do? How long have you not been doing the things you want to do?

You might be thinking, “But Sam, it's complicated. I’m locked into a golden handcuffs situation. I don’t have the luxury to act on what's in box 2 and 3.”

Au contraire. If you identify one thing in your life you really care about and carve out time for that, it can compensate for the 90% that is a compromise or out of your control. As Thomas Edison said, “There's always a better way to do something, find it.”

That young dad? One of the things he wasn't doing was watching football with friends. This was a fairly simple fix. Instead of waiting until he had more time, (not going to happen, do you know anyone who has more time than they used to? The truth is, we’ll never have more time than we have right now); he and his wife set up “friend dates.”

The first and third Monday of every month (in season) he heads to a friend's house for Monday Night Football. The second and fourth Monday of every month (in season) his wife heads to her friends’ house for a night of cards.

This change did not require a major life overhaul. It cost nothing and takes 6 hours a month. But it’s two nights a month they both get to do something that makes them happy. It shows how acting on one thing from Box 2 can have a ripple effect that prevents regrets and positively impacts other areas of your life.

Please note: it is NOT SELFISH to take six hours a month to do something that makes you happy; it's SMART. In the midst of taking care of others, you have the right - and a responsibility - to take care of yourself. What you want matters, and it's up to you to keep it in your life instead of abandoning what makes you happy.

How about you? What did you put in Box 2 and 3? How will you act on one of those priorities today so you have a dream come true now, not someday?

Change Can Be Scary. You Know What's Scarier? REGRET

I'm working on my next book SOMEDAY is Not a Day of the Week and writing the chapter about WHY people stay in unhappy jobs and relationships. This is the lead quote. "CHANGE can be scary. You know what's scarier? REGRET."

What do you think?

While on my Year by the Water, I interviewed people across the United States and asked "Are you happy at work? If so, why? If not, why not? And if why not, why do you stay?"

Here are just a few of their answers. • I can’t afford to leave. (I need the paycheck. I’ve got bills, a mortgage, college.) • I’ve got people counting on me. (Kids at home. Parents with health challenges.) • I’ve worked too hard and too long to leave now. (I'm vested, I've got tenure, seniority) • Work sucks. That’s just the way it is. (“You work hard and then you die” philosophy.) • There aren’t other options. (I don’t have the right education, contacts, connections.) • This is as good as it’s going to get. (I live in a small town. I’m too young, too old.) • Change is scary. I rather stick with the status quo (the devil I know) than take a risk. • I keep hoping things will get better and I’ll get the recognition/respect I deserve. • I’d feel like a failure if I quit. I don’t want to disappoint people or let them down. • It’s selfish, irresponsible, to follow my bliss or do what I really want to do. • I plan to do what makes me happy someday when I retire, have more time, money, etc.

In my book I go into detail about why it's so important to create more meaning on and off the job now, not someday.

I'd love to hear from you.

If you know someone who feels "stuck" in their current situation, I welcome hearing about the reasons and responsibilities that are keeping them there and what they'd like to do instead.

Or, if you've successfully changed your life - for good - I'd love to hear how so others can learn from your example. What finally motivated you to change. What challenges did you face? How did you persevere through them.

With your permission, I might include your story in the book so other people can be inspired by your example. Thank you in advance for contributing your insights on this important topic.

Day Right Quote #63: If I''m Not Willing To Do It TODAY, What Makes Me Think I'll Be Willing To Do It Tomorrow?

I had cut carbs out of my diet but recently went back to eating them. Boo. I promised myself I'd eat green again after the holiday weekend.

Then I thought, "If I'm not willing to do it today, what makes me think I'll be willing to do it tomorrow?"

So I went back to green shakes and I'm glad I did.

As Pope Paul III said, "The future starts today, not tomorrow."

How about you? What is it you want more of - or less of - in your life?

Are you procrastinating? Are you promising yourself you'll take action on it .... tomorrow?

If you're not willing to do it TODAY, what makes you think you'll be willing to do it TOMORROW?

Don't delay. Your happiness depends on you beginning it today.

As discussed in this post, you will never regret doing more of what puts the light on in your eyes.

You will only regret not doing it ... sooner.

Day Right Quote #62: May We Celebrate our Freedom(s) Today and Everyday

Hard to believe a year ago this July 4th weekend, I was driving through the Smoky Mountains listening to Garrison Keillor’s final show of A Prairie Home Companion, broadcast live from the Hollywood Bowl. President Obama called in to give Keillor a well-deserved shout-out for his forty-two years (!) of story-telling that has, as Obama put it, “made us all a little more humane.”

Barack Obama kept trying to focus the conversation on Keillor, Keillor kept turning it back to Obama. Keillor asked, “What are you looking forward to when you’re out of office?”

Obama laughed, “Getting in a car and going for a drive without the Secret Service.”

Exactly. Getting in a car and going where we want, when we want, with whom we want is the epitome of freedom. Yet many of us take it for granted.

As Abraham Maslow pointed out in his Hierarchy of Needs, “Satisfied needs are no longer motivators.”

In other words, once we have food, water, safety, freedom; we tend to overlook them. We don’t miss or appreciate them until they are challenged, until we lose them.

Freedom to is far too precious to take for granted.

This was brought home by an incident that happened years ago during a Christmas holiday vacation in California’s Yosemite Valley.

We were staying at a family lodge that featured snowshoeing and sledding. We lived in Maui at the time, so playing in the snow was a big draw for Tom and Andrew. What we hadn’t counted on was a blizzard that kept us inside. No worries, there was ping pong so we were happy campers.

One night during dinner, the manager confided he was concerned about a couple who were supposed to check in that day but still hadn’t arrived. This was before cell phones so the manager didn’t know if they’d gotten lost or what.

Suddenly, the door blew open and in walked the couple. We gathered round to find out what had happened.

Yes, they’d gotten lost, but here’s the part that made a lasting impression on me ... they hadn't panicked because they were in the United States.

They said they had grown up in Russia. If they wanted to travel internally, they had to give authorities their itinerary. If they didn’t arrive at each checkpoint by a certain time, they came under suspicion and could be interrogated, even arrested. The couple told us they hadn't worried about losing their way to the lodge because they were in America, they had enough food, water and blankets, and they knew they’d be safe until someone rescued them. At least they didn’t have to worry about being tossed in jail.

Their story had an enduring impact on me. I promised to never again take my freedom of movement for granted.

I was reminded of this vow, in an unexpected way, a week after hearing Obama reveal how much he was looking forward to his regained freedom of movement.

I was was navigating some dark steps in a hotel parking lot and took what I thought was the last step, except it wasn't. I fell head-first and crashed into a car, ribs-first.

Ouch! I sat there, stunned in a state of shock. I decided to get up and “walk it off.” That had always been my strategy. If I was playing tennis and twisted my ankle, I found that if I sat down, that injury set in. But if I walked around, my body would somehow, miraculously, heal itself.

So, I walked around until I felt like I was “myself” again. I was okay until the next morning when I couldn’t get out of bed. My whole side ached. Any sudden movement brought a gasp of pain.

I googled my symptoms and self-diagnosed that I had bruised or cracked ribs. (Side note: Yes, I know doctors hate it when we self-diagnose via the internet.)

WEB-MD said that if I did go to the ER, they’d probably take x-rays to see if I was in danger of puncturing a lung, but otherwise they wouldn’t even “tape me up,” as physicians now feel that's an outdated practice that hurts more than it helps. They would, maybe, give me pain meds and advise me to “take it easy” and the ribs would eventually knit on their own.

Hmm. I was flying to Hawaii that day. Perhaps this was naive, but I decided I could "take it easy" in the islands. As long as I sat still or walked without swinging my arms, it didn't hurt too much. It was only when I needed to bend, turn my torso or lift anything (e.g., a carry-on suitcase) that my body quickly reminded me, "DON'T do that!"

I arrived safe (but not so sound) and checked into the beautiful Andaz Resort and Spa, a truly lovely hotel but it is modern which means everything is low. Low beds. Low couches. Low chairs. I remember looking at the bed and wondering how I was ever going to get in it, much less out of it.

I thought, “I know. I’ll go for a walk on the beach path.” I had spent hundreds of happy hours on that path with friends and family when we lived in the area and while I served as Executive Director of the Maui Writers Conference.

Good idea in theory, not so much in practice. Five minutes into my walk, I knew it was a mistake. The narrow, up, down, winding path was crowded with runners, speed walkers and baby strollers, which meant I was dodging someone or something every other minute. Not an option. I headed back to the hotel, feeling like a wimp.

So, what happened? I became a spectator. The next ten days, I sat and looked at the ocean - and didn’t even go in. I watched people swim, scuba, snuba, paddle-board, body-board, kayak and sail - and didn’t get up from my chair.

And you know what I learned? It is a very slippery slope between being a participant in life vs. a spectator. I’ve been active most my life, but here I was sitting on the sidelines watching, not doing.

Thank heaven my ribs healed and I was able to get out of inertia and back in motion. I was once again able to actively appreciate and enjoy my freedom of movement.

How about you? Is freedom a satisfied need? Are you taking it for granted - or using it before you lose it?

Moshe Dayan said, “Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.”

Freedom is more than that. Freedom in all its many forms - freedom from fear, freedom of speech, freedom to work for a living, freedom to pursue happiness, freedom of movement - is one of the great blessings of our life.

John F. Kennedy said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

This July 4th weekend, may we not just SAY we appreciate our freedom (s), may we get outside and SHOW we understand what a gift it is to go where we please, do what we please, say what we please, when we please, with whom we please.

Stop Procrastinating: 30 Quotes to Inspire You To Take Action Now ... Not Someday

"My parents always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinated so much. I told them, 'Just you wait.'" - Judy Tenuta Are you procrastinating on something that's important to you?

Why? Many of us wait for perfect circumstances to take action on our projets, dreams and goals. We tell ourselves we'll do it when we have more time, money, confidence, energy, freedom - fill in the blank.

The problem with that?

We'll never have more time than we have right now. As my mom used tell me, "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today."

What is a project you've set aside that you really want to finish? What is something important to you that you've been putting off?

Review these quotes. Select a favrorite and post it where you'll see it every day to inspire you to take action on something that matters to you so you're leading a life that leads to results, not regrets.

1. "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." - Nelson Mandela

2. "If you don't go; you'll never know." - Robert DeNiro

3. "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't; you'll find an excuse." - Jim Rohn

4. "Are you doing what you're doing today because it works; or because it's what you were doing yesterday?" - Dr. Phil McGraw

5. "At the moment of truth, there are either reasons or results." - Chuck Yeager

6. "Let us always be open to the miracle of a second chance." - Rev. David Steir

7. "I have heard every excuse in the book, except a good one." - Bob Greene

8. "Are you putting aside what you want most for what you want now." - Zig Ziglar

9. "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis." - M. W. Bonano

10. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere." - Belle from Beauty in the Beast

11. "Don't just follow your dreams; launch them." - Sam Horn

12. "The trouble is, you think you have time." -Buddha

13. "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." - Jack Canfield

14. "Once you've done the mental work, there comes a point you have to throw yourself into action and put your heart on the line." - Phil Jackson

15. "Perhaps we never really appreciate anything until it is challenged." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

16. "When we neglect what matters most to us, then that becomes the matter with us." - -Paula Reeves

17. "The scariest moment is always right before you start." - Stephen King

18. "To feel, think, love and learn; surely that is being alive and young in the real sense."- Freya Stark

19. "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change we seek." - Barack Obama

20. "Some people get stuck because they keep telling themselves stories about how stuck they are." - Pinterest post (unattributed)

21. "If you don't have a dream; how ya gonna make a dream come true?" South Pacific

22. "Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - W. H.Murray

23. "Life expands or contracts in proportion to your courage." - Anais Nin

24. "Nothing will work, unless you do." - Maya Angelou

25. "I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day." - Albert Camus

26. "It gets late early out there." - Yogi Berra

27. "Don't tell it like it is, tell it like you want it to be." - Esther Hicks

28. "The most important things aren't things." - Ann Landers

29. "We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw

30. "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with you one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

Okay, I'm a roll and can't stop. Here are a few more favorites. Hope they help you realize that "Someday is not a day in the week" (the title of my upcoming book) and you choose to set something in motion today that contributes to the quality of life you want, need and deserve.

31. "I didn't change. I just woke up." - Anonymous (I wrote about this here.)

32. "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away." - Pablo Picasso

33. "Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan

34. "Life, for many of us, is one long postponement." - Henry Miller

35. One of my favorites: "Tomorrow is another day, but so was yesterday." - Rene Ricard

What are you waiting to do?

Begin it today. You will NEVER regret starting a project that calls you, finishing something you can be proud of, or spending time on what puts the light on in your eyes. You'll only regret not doing it sooner.

- - -

Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, has helped thousands of clients create quality books, brands and presentations that scaled their impact – for good. Her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu!, POP!, and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? have been featured in New York Times and on NPR, and presented to YPO, Intel, NASA, Capital One, Nationwide. Want Sam to share her inspiring insights with your group? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com

Dreaming Costs Nothing. Not Dreaming Costs Everything.

Do you have a dream? Can you state it in on sentence? Is it posted somewhere you can see it every day so it stays in-sight, in-mind? A young father with two children told me he doesn’t dream anymore because it’s “too painful.” He said he has so many responsibilities, he’s just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get through the day.

Ouch. I told him, “Dreaming costs nothing. Not dreaming costs everything.”

I told him I too was once “too busy” to dream.

Then, while driving along the Pacific Coast Highway near Santa Barbara on my way to give a workshop … an idea wanted to be born.

A what?!

Well, if there’s anything I learned from emceeing the Maui Writers Conference for 17 years, it’s INK IT WHEN YOU THINK IT. They don’t call them fleeting thoughts for nothing. If an idea want to be born, we need to jot that thought while it’s hot.

So, I pulled over, and here’s what poured out. (Really. You can’t make this stuff up.)

“Some people are drawn to fire. I am drawn to water. After all, we are 65 percent water. It is our essence, our lifeblood. All of us are bodies of water.

Yet, as Maslow pointed out, water is a fulfilled need. And fulfilled needs tend to get overlooked and taken for granted.

Water wants a voice. Water needs a voice. I will be that voice.

So it is I will set out on my Year by the Water on October 1.

I will spend every week by a different body of water. Each week will have a theme. Can we really not step in the same river twice? Does salt water — the sea, sweat and tears — really cure what ails us? Why can’t we collect all the shells on the beach?

I will pull a ‘Charles Kuralt’ and interview people along the way — surfers, swimmers, sailors.

I am clear I am not supposed to control this, I am supposed to set this in motion and cooperate with what comes. Instead of planning it, I'm supposed to do the opposite of my always and partner with what wants to happen.

And so it is.”

Well! I realized how fortunate I was to have a “calling” downloaded to me – with a name and start date no less – so I answered the call.

In retrospect, I think I was so ready and willing to act on this dream because of something my son said a few months before when he had had called to check in.

Andrew sensed something in my voice and asked, “Whazzup?”

I told him, “I have to take the red-eye to DC and then fly back to San Francisco on Friday to keynote a convention. I'm so exhausted, I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

He said, “Mom, there’s something about you I don’t understand. You’re your own boss. You have your own business. You can do what you want, but you’re not taking advantage of it. Why don’t I book you a hotel? You can stay there the next few days and then just fly up to SF on Friday.”

Out of the mouths of twenty-somethings. Andrew was right. There was no one forcing me to get on that red-eye. Why wasn’t I being more creative with my life?

An hour later, I went to sleep in the Laguna Beach Hotel with the sounds of the waves outside my window.

The next day, I played hooky. I threw on my backpack and went exploring. I was drawn, as if by a magnet, to Laguna Beach bookstore and its books for writers by writers.

As I immersed myself in the inspiring words of Julia Cameron, Anne Lamott and Stephen King, a voice welled up in me and whispered, “I am a writer. That’s what I am.”

But I was caught up in the consultant-creative conundrum. I had filled my days facilitating other people’s work instead of focusing on my own.

Paulo Coelho says, “One day you’re going to wake up and there won’t be any time left to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.”

What had I always wanted to do? Write. Be around water. Explore the world.

And the good news was, I could do all that WHILE earning a good living … if I just got creative about it.

This wasn’t an either-or situation. I could have the best of both worlds if I blended my passion and profession instead of seeing them as separate. The Year by the Water was a way to do that.

What’s the point?

Dreams don’t have to be in the far-off future. They don’t have to be something we do when we’re not so busy, when our responsibilities are done.

Dreams can fulfilled right, here, right now … if we get creative and combine our calling with our career.

How about you?

What is something you've always wanted to do - that you've been waiting to do?

What is a dream you could launch that would result in a satisfying “I DID IT!” that would contribute to your quality of life now, not someday?

Where haven’t you been – what haven’t you seen – that would be meaningful, rewarding?

How can you get creative and combine what's calling you with your career?

Put a date on the calendar for doing it NOW.

You will never regret doing more of what puts the light on in your eyes – you will only regret not doing it sooner.

Want more inspiration? Check out this related post - You're Never Too OLD for NEW Dreams.

Day Right Quote #59: Everyone Thinks of Changing the World. No One Think of Changing Himself

Leo Tolstoy said, "Everyone thinks of changing the world. No one thinks of changing himself." We can choose to disrupt this.

All we have to do is GO FIRST.

Every time we want someone or something to change, we set the precedent by altering the way we treat that person or approach that situation.

Change begins at home.

How to Do Work You Love That Matters

"To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?" - Katherine Graham of the Washington Post Know what could be more fun? To do work you love, feel that it matters, do it with people you enjoy and respect ... and get paid for it.

Are you thinking, "I'd love to do that, I just don't know how to do that."

Well, here are some ways to make that happen. First, a story about our "calling" - and then I'll share some questions that can help you create yours - because we don't find our calling, we forge and facilitate it.

My sons grew up on Maui. Ever night we'd go for a “walk and roll” through our neighborhood. I would walk and Tom and Andrew would ride their big wheels, bikes or skateboards. One night, when Tom was about eight, we stopped to pick some plumerias off a tree and I asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

Tom paused and then pointed to the sky and said, “Something to do with up there.”

Guess what? Tom got a degree in Aerospace Engineering, Astronomy, Physics and Math from Virginia Tech (go Hokies) and landed his dream job at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, where he and his team are responsible for the environment on the ISS - International Space Station. It gets better. He met and married his future wife (who has the world's coolest job title - Astronaut Scheduler) in Mission Control.

It gives me chicken-skin (Hawaiian for goose bumps) every time I think about how Tom ended up doing exactly what he envisioned doing - when he was eight years old.

Are you thinking, "Well, good for Tom. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!"

Join the club. One way to figure out what you're "called to do" - is to take a good look at what you do when you're not working. What do you do, by choice, in your free time? What’s FUN for you? What do you look forward to and do because you want to?

Noticing what we do when we're not working can reveal our real work - the career that is calling us. That is what happened to a colleague and client, Dana Wright.

Dana always used to “noodle and doodle.” Instead of listening to her teachers, she would be filing in the margins of her workbooks and textbooks with what she was seeing in her mind’s eye. Even as an adult, she always had a pen in her hand and was sketching or drawing. It was what she did naturally.

Guess how Dana now earns her living – a good living in every sense of the word? She’s a graphic facilitator. She is the person you see at conferences and strategic retreats, listening to and facilitating the discussion while simultaneously drawing a colorful word-map/mural of what’s being said. She literally and figuratively gets everyone on the same page with her meeting art that illustrates verbals with visuals.

Dana turned her joy into her job. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could turn your joy into your job? You can. The good news is, it's not too late.

Your career calling is where meaning and money converge. You can start clarifying what that might be by answering these questions:

1 What intrigues me? What do I do that puts the light on in my eyes, fills me with joy?

2. What did I love to do growing up and wanted to do as a career but was told I "needed to get my head out of the clouds" and pursue something more practical?

3. What skills am I good at that make me feel good? (Please note: these don't have to be typical professional skills - they can be riding horses, playing the piano, gardening, etc.)

4. Who in business do I admire? I look at their career and think, "I wish I could do what they're doing."

5. Where can I provide a shortcut? Where can I expedite people's success, health or happiness? How can I save them time and money or make them time and money?

6. What don't people know how to do - that I know how to do? What aren't they good at - that I'm good at? What don't people want to do - that I actually enjoy doing?

7. What do I find meaningful, purposeful? In an ideal world, how would I like to leave a lasting legacy and make an enduring difference by contributing what I find fulfilling?

After answering these questions and clarifying what calls you, follow Pablo Picasso's advice, "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

Actually, if you want to make your joy your job, it's important to get paid for your gifts instead of giving them away for free. One way to do that is to get paid to teach what you're good at to others or to to do it for others. Turn your calling into a career by creating a quality course, product, service or business that's wrapped around your gifts.

If you do, you’ll never have to “work” another day in your life because you'll be in that sublime state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes and you’re earning a good living doing what you love most and do best.

And by the way, it's not too late to "answer your calling." You can do this at any age or stage, and you don't have to quit your current job. You can do this part-time as a "side hustle."

P.S. If you want specific ways to do that, you might want to check out my IDEApreneur book. which provides a step-by-step process for monetizing what you do well by turning it into a program, process or product people will gladly pay for.

Day Right Quote #58: Quit Watering Dead Flowers

What a joy visiting Hawaii's famous Talk Story Bookstore, meeting owners Ed and Cynthia Justus and hearing their surprising secrets to building a successful life and business in an out-of-the-way location. Here are a few take-aways from my interview with them. The #1 Prerequisite for a Profitable Retail Business is NOT Location, Location, Location - It’s Clarity, Clarity, Clarity

Their bookstore is on the least-visited major island and in a town of less than 3000 people. Yet they have been one of Hawaii’s Top 50 Fastest-Growing businesses for the past five years. TripAdvisor says they’re THE #1 visitor destination on Kauai.

How can this be? In one word …CLARITY. Clarity is the new location. Clarity about who they are. What they want. What they don’t want. And they stay true to those priorities. Which means gently and firmly enforcing their rules.

For example, you’ve heard “There’s no crying in baseball?” Well, there are no thongs in bookstores. At least not in THEIR bookstore. The twenty-something who walked in wearing her version of an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini was asked to honor their posted sign, “No shoes, no shirt, no shorts, no service.”

The woman who told them she was going to leave her kids in the store while she went shopping across the street? Nope. “This is a bookstore, not a babysitting service.”

PAVE THE PATHS

Ed and Cynthia didn’t have a background in the book biz and didn’t plan on buying a bookstore. They visited Kauai on their honeymoon and liked it so much, they decided to take a leap of faith and stay. How did they make money from the first day they put their sign up, when they had no experience in the industry?

Ed says, “Amazon’s website taught us everything we needed to know about book-selling. Instead of us trying to figure out which books to stock and what to charge, we simply followed the favorites. Why re-create the wheel? Their site told us the most popular books in each genre and the going price for gently-used books.”

I said, “That’s brilliant. There’s an urban legend called ‘Pave the Paths’ which recommends that instead of prematurely installing sidewalks at public places (e.g., colleges and county buildings), it's smarter to wait and find out where people naturally walk and then put the sidewalks there.

That’s what you did. Instead of stocking what you hoped might sell, you 'booked the beloveds' and bought proven ever-greens that have a track record of always being in demand."

Don’t follow The Rules; Follow Your Values

For example, the “rules” say a brick and mortar store has to have a cash register, right? The problem is, cash registers lock you into one location, often in a front corner of your store. What if you have a customer in back who can’t find what they want? If there’s no one around to answer their question, they often leave and don't come back.

Ed and Cyndi don’t have a cash register; they have cash belts. Wearing a cash belt around their waist gives them freedom to wander the store and connect with their customers. While I was there, they greeted every single person who walked in the store. One was always out on the floor, asking people if they were looking for something in particular and then pointing out recommended authors in their preferred genre.

The trend of many bookstores is to offer coffee to attract customers. Well, they tried that and you know what they learned? Coffee sells coffee. Books sell books.

Another “rule” of retail businesses is you need to diversity if you want to grow. So, they added an art gallery with works from local artists. A restaurant. Book clubs. Internet service. Chairs so people could sit.

Guess what they discovered? Those extra services took lots of extra time and effort, created a lot of problems they didn't want or need ... and didn’t boost profits. In fact, Cyndi said, “We found that for every chair we took away, we added an extra $1000 of income. People who sit and read books for free for hours often walk out without buying any books."

The rules say a retail business needs an inventory system. Ed said, “Why? We mostly stock one copy of each book. Why spend a lot of time logging in and tracking single sales? Plus, we handle every purchase so we know what’s selling and what’s not.”

The Secret to Loving Your Life and Work? Stop Watering Dead Plants

As we talked, it was clear to me that one of the reasons they’ve been so successful is they QUIT doing things that didn’t work; that didn’t make money; and that didn’t bring them joy. This frees up time and money for business activities that contribute to their quality of life instead of compromise it.

They quit the belief that bigger is better. They've built and sustained a successful business because they've honored their belief, "If we don't love it; we don't do it. If it doesn't add personal and professional value, we drop it."

Chip Away Everything That is NOT David

I told them, “There’s a (perhaps apocryphal) story about Michelangelo who said, when asked how he creating his masterpiece sculpture, ‘It’s easy. I just chipped away everything that wasn’t David.’"

I smiled and said, "You have ‘David’d your business and life. You have chipped away everything that isn’t congruent with your values and vision. As a result, the light is on in your eyes and you’re successful for all the right reasons.”

So, what surprising lessons did I take away from my time with Ed and Cyndi?

* CLARIFY your values, vision, priorities and policies and STAY TRUE to them.

* Quit watering dead plants and DAVID your life and business.

* Gently and firmly ENFORCE RULES to protect what’s important to you.

When we do the above, we build a successful life, business and career where the light is on in our eyes - and things just keep getting better and better – for all the right reasons.

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Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, is on a mission to help people create quality projects that add value for all involved. Her work - including her TEDx talk - and books POP!, IDEApreneur, Tongue Fu! and Got Your Attention? have been featured in NY Times, Forbes, Fast Company and presented to NASA, National Geographic, Capital One, YPO. Want Sam to share her inspiring insights on how to create a successful life and career at your next convention? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com

Day Right Quote 57: You Can Love Your Job But It Won't Love You Back

A couple years ago this week I spoke for the Women in Consumer Technology conference in NYC and Cathie Black, former President of Hearst Magazines was the other keynoter. When asked her most important lesson-learned about work she said, "You can love your job but it won't love you back."

This came to mind because several people have said something to me recently about their job that caused me to think, "WHY do we do this to ourselves?"

One was flying from our afternoon meeting in one city to another city, had two presentations the next day, one at 8 am and she hadn't begun crafting her power point presentation which meant she was going to have to do it that night when she arrived on the East Coast after 10 pm or the next morning at 5 am.

One spoke about how "insanely busy" she was and that it was going to get worse before it got better because September was going to be a "brutal month."

The other had gotten sick six times in four months (she said, "How is that possible?!) and realized it was a wake-up call as to how toxic her work had become.

So, the question is, "Do you love your job?" At what cost?

Can you love your career AND maintain your quality of life?

How will you love your job AND make time for other priorities you love that love you back - like your friends, your family, your health and your __________ fill in the blank?

I Didn't Change, I Just Woke Up

I was looking for an evocative quote on the topic of change for one of the chapters in my upcoming book SOMEDAY Is Not a Day in the Week. I found it in this, "I didn't change. I just woke up." (BTW, it's attributed to that ubiquitous philosopher - Anonymous.)

That's what I did on my Year by the Water. I woke up.

I woke up to the fact that:

* the clock is ticking. Not in a morbid way, in a motivating way.

* working, working, working is a prescription for regrets.

* change is not hard. A life we love is often one small change away.

* fun is not a four-letter word.

* we'll never be lonely - as long as we pay attention.

* connection is the North Star and Holy Grail of my life.

* I'd been living neck-up for years - and it was time to come to my senses.

* magic unfolds when we leave room for whims.

* it's time to stop ordering pasta we don't want.

* many of us are driving into hurricanes - because we said we would.

* courage is just trusting we can figure things out.

* Paulo Coelho is right, "One day we're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things we've always wanted to do."

We'll never regret doing more of what puts the light on in our eyes - we'll only regret not doing it sooner.

Day Right Quote #54: Stop Trying to Make Everyone Happy. You're Not Chocolate

I’m working on a chapter in my new book – Chase Meaning Not Clicks – about the futility of people-pleasing. One of the unexpected themes from my Year by the Water was how many people are taking themselves out of the game of life. They are neglecting their own needs and taking care of everyone BUT themselves. These are good people who are putting aside their own priorities because they have “responsibilities” to take care of.

I believe it’s important to be responsible; to think of others, to care for others.

I also believe that, taken to an extreme, trying to make everyone happy can become our Achilles Hell. (Not a typo). Self-sacrifice doesn’t serve anyone.

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we think only of ourselves and what we want. That is an equally unhealthy extreme.

But putting everyone else first - every time, all the time - is a prescription for regrets.

This insight “Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not chocolate” (or pasta, or pizza, take your pick) makes the point with humor.

Trying to make everyone happy makes no one happy. (This post shows an example of how I learned this.)

Are you a team leader, parent, project manager, caretaker, writer or creative? Are you trying to make everyone happy? As Dr. Phil says, "How's that working for you?"

Put yourself in the mix. You have value. You have your own voice, talents, contributions, experience, expertise, perspective and unique take on the world.

It is FAIR and NEEDED for you to honor and contribute your own abilities, insights and gifts. This is true on and off the job – at work, at home and in your community.

We serve best when we serve others AND our self. The goal is to keep things in balance, always in balance.