Turn Worrying into Wishing

"Complaining chases away inspiration." - Elizabeth Gilbert Elizabeth Gilbert is right. Not only do complaining, worrying and regretting chase away inspiration - they kill dreams and are a total misuse of imagination.

While on my Year by the Water, many people told me they dreamed of going on an adventure like that. When I asked why they weren't, they said they had too many responsibilities. They'd do it "someday" when they had more time, money or freedom.

I'll always remember an exhausted young mom with two children who told me she was tapped out, "I've got so much on my plate, dreaming just isn't an option for me right now."

I said, "Want good news? No matter how tired you are, you have mind time when you go to bed - the 5-50 minutes before you fall to sleep. You're laying there anyway, might as well put your imagination to work for you instead of tossing and turning or staring at the ceiling. What do you think about when you go to bed?'

"Everything that's wrong. The kids fighting. The bills mounting up. How much I hate my job."

I said, "From now on, instead of focusing on what frustrates you, focus on what would fulfill you. This is called awake dreaming and it's a more proactive use of mind-time."

She said, "Okay, that makes sense. As you said replaying what's wrong doesn't change it, it just keeps me up and makes me feel worse. So, how do I do this awake dreaming?"

Picture something you'd like to achieve or experience. Then, think through the 5 W's.

What? What is something you would look forward to that would inspire you and add personal meaning and fulfillment to your days? What can you do to move this forward? What knowledge, skills or resources do you need to turn this dream into a reality? What results do you want? What does successful completion of this look like to you?

Why? Why will this be enjoyable, uplifting, rewarding, worthwhile? Why will it contribute to a quality life, help you add value for others, be part of a legacy you want to leave?

Who? Who can you brainstorm this with? Who has been there, done this and can share their lessons-learned? Who could hear you out and be an advocate or a supportive sounding board? Who could connect you with an investor, a potential partner or team members?

When? When will you do this, launch this, finish this? If you don't put specific dates on the calendar - or schedule them into your day-timer - it's probably not going to happen. As my mom used to say, "That which can be done at any time rarely gets done at all." Increase accountable and the likelihood of success by assigning metrics and numbers to your dream.

Where? Where is the location this will take place? Put yourself in the scene. Imagine yourself crossing the finish line of that 10K, sailing the bay, walking across the stage with that diploma, having a picnic in your local park with neighborhood parents and their kids.

As Gloria Steinem points out, "Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning."

How about you? What do you think about when you go to bed? Starting tonight, instead of regretting what did go wrong, complaining about what is wrong, or worrying what could go wrong, put your mind time to work for you by actively dreaming about what you do want vs. what you don't.

Remember, it's never too late to be who you want to be.

Dreaming costs nothing. Not dreaming costs everything.

You might want to print out the following quotes out and put them on your nightstand. Before you go to bed, review them to remind yourself to use your imagination - for good.

16 Quotes to Put Your Imagination and Mind-Time to Work For You vs. Against You

1. "Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." - Albert Einstein

2. "Never go to sleep without a request to your subconscious." - Thomas Edison

3. "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

4. "Imagination is the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not; it is the foundation of all invention and innovation." - novelist J. K. Rowling

5. "Dreamers are mocked as impractical. The truth is they are the most practical, as their innovations lead to progress and a better way of life for all of us.” - Robin S. Sharma

6. "Imagination has no age. Dreams are forever." - Walt Disney

7. "There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love." - actress Sophia Loren

8. “When I am completely myself, entirely alone during the night when I cannot sleep, it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly." - Mozart

9. Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet." - Victor Hugo

12. "Imagination is the true magic carpet." - Norman Vincent Peale

13. "So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." - Christopher Reeves

14. "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." - Dr. Seuss

15. "Imagination is nothing without doing." - Charles Chaplin

16. "A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." - J. R. R. Tolkein

When Lupito Nyong'o won her Academy Award, she looked straight into the camera and into the eyes of millions of people watching around the globe and said, "No matter where you're from, your dreams are valid."

Not only are dreams valid, they're a valuable way to turn what you mentally see into reality.

So, the question is, what are you going to think about tonight when you go to bed? Are you going to complain or create? Focus on what frustrates you or what would fulfill you?

Make Up Your Mind to be Kind

I've been thinking a lot about what's going on in our world - and imagine you have too. I kept wondering, "What can I do that might help?" and was moved to write this about how we can make up our mind to be kind.

I welcome your insights.

Do you ever get discouraged by man’s inhumanity to man?

It can be discouraging to watch the news and witness yet another tragedy, scandal or man-made disaster.

Yet complaining about it, or being outraged by it, hurts rather than helps … unless we actively try to improve it.

The thing is, we don’t always have the ability to change what’s happening on the world stage. We feel powerless to fix what’s wrong, to make things better.

The good news is, there are ways to make things better.

Paying attention to, and contributing to, what’s right with the world can make things better for us and everyone around us.

As Jose Ortega y Gasset said, “Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.”

The challenge is, many of us have become so stressed, so angry, we no longer even notice what’s right with the world; we no longer even see man’s HUMANITY to man.

This point was brilliantly made in an article by Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post. I remember reading Pearls Before Breakfast on a Sunday morning years ago and was so inspired, I set the magazine down and said out loud, “Just give the man the Pulitzer.”

Weingarten wondered, “What would happen if you took a renowned violinist and positioned him inside a D.C Metro Stop during morning rush hour?

What if you asked him to play six compositions, each masterpieces that have endured for centuries, on a rare Stradivarius?

Would any of the hundreds of people streaming by take a moment to pay attention to a free concert by one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written, on one of the most valuable violins ever made?”

Guess what happened?

In the forty-five minutes Joshua Bell played, (yes, the multi-talented Joshua Bell who packs them in at concert halls around the globe), only 7 (!) people took a moment away from their rush-hour commute to listen to his performance.

The other 1070 people all rushed by, seemingly oblivious to the miracle in their midst.

Weingarten’s point? Have we become so uptight and driven that we have lost the ability to see the beauty around us? He quoted W.H. Davies who said, “What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stop and stare."

Weingarten made another stunning observation, “There was no demographic pattern to distinguish the few people who paused to listen except … every time a child walked past, s/he tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away.”

Hmmm. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Kudos to Gene Weingarten for his visionary social experiment. (And he did get a Pulitzer for it). Please take the time to read Pearls Before Breakfast and ask yourself:

· Would I have paused and taken a moment to listen to Bell?

· Why or why not?

· Have I become inured to the beauty around me?

· At what cost?

· What can I do to be more attentive to, and appreciative of, the beauty in the world?

Starting today, instead of dwelling on or obsessing about the news, which primarily reports man’s inhumanity to man, choose to give your attention to what’s uplifting, inspiring and enlightening.

Keep your antenna up for examples of humankind – man’s humanity to man.

Notice and thank the people who are making a positive difference … the parents, teachers, entrepreneurs, servers, community leaders who treat others with respect and are dedicated to living in integrity and adding value.

When we choose to honor and BE humanKIND – we expand it. And when we expand it, we make it more of the norm. And isn't that what we all want?

Want another example of humanKIND?

Have you ever had the chicken-skin experience of singing in a choir or hearing a concert of hundreds of voices lifted in song?

Well, composer Eric Whitacre thought, “What if I gathered people from 73 countries around the world – online – and conducted a virtual choir with thousands of people all singing the same song at the same time?”

Take a few moments to listen to the transcendent results of Eric Whitacre’s Virtual Choir 2 “Water Night.”

Do it right now. Don’t pass by this shining example of man’s humanity to man. Act on your insight from Weingarten's article. Bring some beauty into your life now, not someday.

I promise, for the moments you listen to this, you will be immersed in what’s right with our world - right here, right now.

You will be swept up in the joy of human harmony.

You will see the world in a more positive, proactive, high-potential light.

And when you do that, when you celebrate and share what’s beautiful in the world, when you make up your mind to be kind, you create a rising tide raising all humanKIND.

And that benefits all of us.

What Does Happiness Mean to You?

When I ask, “What does happiness means to you?” I often get long pauses or blank looks. If we can’t define happiness, how are we supposed to know it when we experience it?

I attended a convention that featured a session on “The History of Happiness” presented by a professor who had written a book on the topic. He spent most of his sixty minutes quoting ancient philosophers like Aristotle and Plato. He left time for one question.

The gentleman next to me raised his hand and said, “What’s your definition of happiness?”

Dear in headlights. The professor stumbled and mumbled and finally confessed he didn’t have one. There was an almost audible gasp from the audience at this surprising revelation.

The gentleman next to me wasn’t about to let him off the hook. He said, “You’ve studied this topic for twenty years. Surely you have your own definition.”

The professor realized he wasn’t going to dodge the question and admitted, “Well, if I have to give a definition, I guess I’d agree with Stendahl, “To describe happiness is to diminish it.’

That was it. End of session.

Wow. I turned to the man next to me and said, “I so disagree with that. I think defining and describing happiness helps us be more alert to it and appreciative of it.”

He nodded in agreement. I asked, “When was the last time you were happy?”

He thought about it for a moment and then smiled. “My daughter called last week from her hospital to ask for my advice. She is a physician who has gone into my specialty of internal medicine. She had a patient on his death bed and they hadn’t been able to diagnose what was wrong. I asked her to list all his symptoms. I got a hunch based on what she told me and asked if they’d tested for a rather rare disorder. They hadn’t. She called back to say the hunch was right. They’d started treatment and it looked like they’d caught it in time and he’d recover.”

I told him, “That’s happiness. To have an adult child who respects you enough to go into your profession, who seeks your advice, which saves a life, and for you two to get to share that?”

“You’re right. It was satisfying on many levels.”

I persisted, “So, how would you define happiness?”

“I guess I’d define it as being able to share meaningful activities with the people I love.”

“Anything else?”

“Hmmm. Yes, being healthy, and helping others to be healthy, goes into the mix.”

“Put that together - being healthy, helping others be healthy, being loved and sharing meaningful activities with the people we love – that’s a pretty good definition of happiness right there.”

How about you? When was the last time you were happy? What did it look like and feel like to be happy? The clearer you are about defining and describing what happiness means to you – the more alert to it and appreciative of it, you’ll be.

I’m collecting definitions of happiness for SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week and hope to include yours. Being happy means different things to different people, and my goal is to share different perspectives to facilitate a comprehensive , well-rounded discussion of this topic.

Will you please take a moment to share your (under 50 word) definition of happiness here?

Here are inspiring quotes to kick-start your thinking. You may see an ingredient that deeply resonates with you and you can include it in your description.

Once you’ve crafted that definition, post it where you’ll see it every day. Keeping it in sight, in mind will keep it top-of-mind which will help you be more aware of when you’re happy. Being conscious of our happiness is the key to experiencing it more deeply and appreciatively. Here are those quotes. Read ‘em and reap.

1. “There is only one happiness in this life: to love and be loved.” – George Sand

2. “A happy person experiences frequent positive emotions (e.g., joy, compassion) and infrequent - thought not absent - negative emotions (e.g., sadness, anger, anxiety).” – Sonya Lyubomirsky

3. "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." Esther Hicks

4. “Happiness is not ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

5. "A smile is happiness found right under your nose.” – Ziggy (David Wilson)

6. “The secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in the little details of daily life.” Wm Morris

7. “Folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

8. “Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: A feeling you have been honest with yourself and those around you, a feeling you have done the best you could in your personal life and in your work, and the ability to love others.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

9. “Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment.” – Webster’s Dictionary

10. “I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I pay attention and practice gratitude.” – Brene Brown

My definition of happiness? “Making a positive difference for as many people as possible, while enjoying healthy, creative, connected relationships with family, friends and Nature.”

By the way, I agree with all the above definitions, in particular that we must make up our mind to be happy - and that paying attention to and being grateful for what’s right in our world - is the key to doing that.

I look forward to seeing your definition. And thanks for sharing this with others, so we can collect definitions from around the world and create a global resource of what it means to be happy.

SOMEDAY Quote #64: My Imagination Won't Turn Off. I Wake Up Excited.

Hollywood producer/director Stephen Spielberg said, "My imagination won't turn off. I wake up excited." Is imagination an active part of your life? Do you wake up excited about your day?

A client recently told me she grew up dreaming. Like me, she grew up in a small town. Books were her window to a fascinating world somewhere "out there" beyond the confines of her isolated mountain valley. She always knew she wanted to be an author when she grew up, and that's exactly what's happened.

Yet, she's a single mom these days and her time is filled with taking care of her two kids and dealing with school activities, sports, music lessons, homework, chores, financial concerns and everything that goes along with being a solo parent/provider. She writes when her kids are at school and sometimes after they go to bed ... if she can stay awake.

She has a contract for her next book, but the ideas aren't coming. She told me, "I'm too exhausted to think. I have so much to do, I don't have any energy left to be creative."

I told her, "Do you know we have mind time when we go to bed? Mind time is the 5-50 minutes we have to think before we fall to sleep. Whether you wake up exhausted or excited depends a lot on whether you're putting your mind time to work for you or against you.'"

I asked her, "What do you usually think about when you go to bed?'

She laughed and said, "I debrief the day, what happened with the kids. what didn't happen with my book. The next thing I know, the alarm goes off and it's time to get up."

I suggested, "From now on, put that mind time to work for you. Instead of mentally regurgitating that day, picture what you want to happen the next day. Imagine the kids getting along at breakfast and getting off to school on time. Imagine sitting down at your desk and the words coming so fast your fingers can hardly keep up. Imagine wrapping up for the day and feeling satisfied with your progress. I call that 'forward focus.' It's a better use of your brain because you're giving it a road map to follow."

At our next session she said, "Sam, that concept of mind time has made a huge difference for me. You're right. I'm going to be laying in bed anyway. I might as well focus on what I do want instead of what I don't."

How about you? What do you think about when you go to bed? I've found many of us spend our mind time worrying, regretting or resenting. No wonder we wake up exhausted.

From now on, spend your mind time imagining what you do want instead of what you don't. Debrief the day if you wish; just make it purposeful. What worked? What was meaningful, productive, satisfying? How can you do more of that tomorrow?

What didn't work? What was frustrating, ineffective? How will you do that differently tomorrow? Picture what you prefer in your mind's eye. Envision it unfolding just the way you imagined it. Put your brain to work for you instead of against you.

Want your dreams to come true? Imagination + action = ImaginACTION.

Promise yourself, tonight - and every night - you'll use your mind time to focus forward and envision what you do want so you wake up excited and raring to go.

Add some inspiration to your ImaginACTION by picking a favorite quote from the ones below. Then post it where it will stay in sight- in mind to remind you of the power of using your mind time - for good.

1. "A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities." - J. R. R. Tolkein

2. "Live out of your imagination, not your history." - Stephen Covey

3. "Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." - Harriet Tubman

4. "Imagination is the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not; it is the foundation of all invention and innovation." - novelist J. K. Rowling

5. "Dreamers are mocked as impractical. The truth is they are the most practical, as their innovations lead to progress and a better way of life for all of us.” - Robin S. Sharma

6. “Look closely at the present you're constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming." - Alice Walker

7 "There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love." - actress Sophia Loren

8. “When I am completely myself, entirely alone during the night when I cannot sleep, it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly." - Mozart

9. Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet." - Victor Hugo

10. "So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." - Christopher Reeves

11. "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

When Lupito Nyong'o won her Academy Award, she looked straight into the camera and into the eyes of millions of people in the television audience and said, "No matter where you're from, your dreams are valid."

Not only are dreams valid, they're -oh-so-valuable in turning what you see into reality. Summon what you want when you go to sleep so your dreams become inevitable.

Want more ways to put your mind to work for you?

Check out my books ConZentrate, What's Holding You Back?, POP!, Got Your Attention? and IDEAPRENEUR. Hope you find them intriguing, inspiring and useful.

Day Right Quote #52: There Is No Such Thing As an Ordinary Day

Dan Millman and his book "Path of the Peaceful Warrior" was one of our favorite author-speakers at the Maui Writers Conference. His insight, "There is no such thing as an ordinary day" is as true today as it was 15 years ago.

It reminds me of the powerful line from Thornton Wilder's play "Our Town."

Emily, the lead character, has passed but gets to return home one last time. She watches her mother wash the dishes in the kitchen and realizes she never appreciated the little things - a normal day - while she had the chance.

She asks poignantly, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?"

So often we don't. We get swept up in busyness, rushing here, there and everywhere.

However, we are here now. It is not too late.

Look around right now and imprint this day. Really see your surroundings as if for the first or last time.

Drink in the sheer miracle of being alive - of being able to breathe, feel, hear, taste, touch, love, experience.

A moment of grace and deeply felt gratitude is a moment's notice away.

Day Right Quote #19: I am Not LOST in Thought: I am FOUND in Thought

I understand the phrase "lost in thought," but it's more accurate to say I am "FOUND in thought." Some of the most deeply satisfying, connected, creatively productive moments of my life are when I'm thinking, musing, observing, appreciating and writing.

How about you?

Lesson #2 From my Year by the Water: We're Not Torn Between Two Worlds; We Have the Best of Both Worlds

Years ago when my sons we're growing up on Maui, I felt torn between two worlds. I had two sons I loved and wanted to be with AND had a thriving speaking/training business that called for me to be on the road and in the air. At a National Speakers Association convention on the mainland, I ran into a long-time friend Maggie Bedrosian. We hadn't seen each other since I had left Washington D.C. for the Hawaiian Islands several years before.

Maggie asked, "Sam, how are you?" I started telling her. Before I could finish, Maggie being Maggie, (she must have been an impish elf and wise sage in another life) interrupted me and said, "No Sam, tell me in ONE WORD how you're doing."

Wow, what a great question. It forced me to distill everything I was feeling into one catchall phrase. I dug deep, opened my mouth, and out came "Maggie, I'm … conflicted."

Her eyebrows flew up. "Conflicted? How so?"

"Yesterday morning I was on Keawakapu Beach with Tom and Andrew at golden hour. They were charging into the surf with their boogie boards, riding those waves all the way in until they scraped their bellies on the beach, and then running out to catch another one. It was Nirvana. I didn't want to be anywhere else.

Today, I’m here at this conference surrounded by smart, talented peers, I'm learning new things, speaking on my favorite topic, my brain's on fire, and I'm humming with energy and new ideas.

I feel like I'm constantly torn between two worlds."

Maggie looked at me and then shared this insight. "Sam, the words you use to describe your experience define your experience. You better come up with another word to describe how you feel, because that's how it's going to be."

Smart woman.

That night I couldn't sleep. If I wasn't conflicted, what was I? I kept mentally tasting words, experimenting with them to see if they captured the mix of emotions I felt. Finally it came to me.

The next day I tracked down Maggie. There she was down the hall. I ran up to her and said, "Maggie, I figured it out. I'm not conflicted, I'm … blessed. I'm not torn between two worlds, I have the best of both worlds.”

That describes how I feel now.

I've just had 16 months of glorious adventuring, exploring, discovering, reflecting, and “funning” on my Year by the Water. (If “funning” isn’t a verb, it deserves to be.)

Now I'm here in Boulder holding my beautiful baby granddaughter Natalia in my arms. This morning I was sitting on the floor and playing Lego's with my grandson Mateo.

Last night I was sitting on the couch with Tom and Patty getting caught up, and as they say in Hawaii, “talking story.”

The day before, I was making nutritious greenies, doing “folding laundry meditation, and enjoying Dolores' (Patty's Mom) delicious home-made cooking.

This morning, Mateo is playing airplane on his own private jungle gym, (his dad) and watching his favorite Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood with his mom. It feels oh-so-right.

I look around and realize I once again am blessed to have the best of both worlds … and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I'm immersing myself in this abundance - this state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in my eyes - and I'm imprinting every sacred moment. Receive, receive, receive. Revel, revel, revel.

BTW - This recognition that I'm not torn being two options (either-or); I have the best of both options (yes-and) is one of the most important lessons-learned from My Year by The Water. I'll be writing about the adventures that led to this understanding in my upcoming book "There Is No Present Like the Time" including:

It’s not CONTROL OR COOPERATE. It’s both.

It’s not PLAY OR PRODUCTIVITY. It’s both.

It’s not SOCIAL OR SOLITUDE. It’s both.

It’s not start with the END in mind or with an OPEN mind. It’s both.

It’s not serve others or your self. It’s both.

Next time you’re feeling as if you're being torn between two options – re-frame what you’re feeling or facing. Isn’t it an advantage to have an abundance of options – to have the best of both worlds? You're not conflicted, you're blessed.

Feeling Grateful

Giving thanks isn't just for Thanksgiving. Research by Harvard shows it's not happiness that makes us grateful; it's gratefulness that makes us happy. So, why limit giving thanks to just one day a year? As Walt Whitman said, "To feel gratitude and not express it, is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

Many people have a tradition of unwrapping presents that have been stashed under a Christmas tree. The real presents aren't under the tree. The real presents are the moments we take to express our appreciation for our health, freedom and loved ones.

As this evocative image asks, "What if we woke up today with only the things we were thankful for?"

So it is as I wrap up 2016, I am filled with gratitude for this year that was filled with abundance in all its many forms.

I want to share my favorite quotes to remind us a gratitude mindset is the single best thing we can do to improve our quality of life. Feel free to print these and pass them around the table. Ask people to select a particularly meaningful quote and share what it means to them.

You and the people at the table could talk about politics, sports, the weather, plane delays, traffic and the food - or you could have a memorable discussion about the many blessings in your life, including who and what has favorably impacted you this year.

You’ve heard the saying “out of sight, out of mind?” You might want to post these quotes where you can see them every day, not just on holidays. Keeping them“in sight, in mind” (vs. out of sight, out of mind) can help you focus on - and appreciate - what's right in the world. And that's a win for everyone.

Gratitude quote #1: “When you drink the water, remember the well.” – Chinese proverb

Gratitude quote #2: “Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge.” – Carmelia Elliott

Gratitude quote #3: “If the only prayer you ever said was ‘Thank you,’ that would be enough.” – Meister Ekhart

Gratitude quote #4: “There is no duty so under-rated as the duty of being happy. By being happy and grateful, we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Gratitude quote #5: “Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.” – Betty Smith

Gratitude quote #6: “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck

Gratitude quote #7: “When you give and carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘Yes, this is how I ought to feel.'” – Rabbi Harold Kushner

Gratitude quote #8: “One of the very first things I figured out about life…is that it’s better to be a grateful person than a grumpy one, because you have to live in the same world either way, and if you’re grateful, you have more fun.”—Barbara Kingsolver

Gratitude quote #9: “Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln

Gratitude quote #10: “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” – Colette

Gratitude quote #11: “Unless people like you care a whole lot, things aren’t going to get better, they’re not!” – Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Gratitude quote #12: “To feel, think, learn and love; surely that is being alive and young in the real sense." - Freya Stark

Gratitude quote #13: In Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town, Emily longs to revisit one ordinary, “unimportant” day. When she gets her wish, she realizes how much she took for granted. “I didn’t realize all that was going on and we never noticed. Oh, earth, your’e too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”

Gratitude quote #14: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” - John F. Kennedy

Gratitude quote #15: “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough." - Oprah Winfrey

Gratitude quote #16: "The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it." - Richard Bach

Gratitude quote #17: "Happiness is not a goal; it's a byproduct." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Gratitude quote #18: "Success is not about getting it done or attaining money or stuff. The measure of success in lie is the amount of joy you feel." - Esther Hicks

Gratitude Quote #19: “Normal day, let me aware of the treasure you are.Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may; for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth . . . or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” – Mary Jean Iron

Gratitude Quote #20: "The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you're the pilot." - Michael Altschuler

Maintaining a spirit and mindset of gratitude as we move forward - choosing to focus on and realize all the many blessings in our world - is a magical way to "pilot our time."

Sending best wishes to you for a happy, healthy new year that is everything you want it to be - and more. - - - - Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert and author of Got Your Attention? is on a mission to help people create collaborative communications that add value for all involved. Check out Sam's #TEDx talk on how to connect with anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Golden Times

I’m here in Morro Bay this week as part of my Year by the Water. I am filled with sweet and bittersweet memories. This is the where my mom and dad lived – actually nearby Los Osos - for the last years of their life.

I remember holiday family reunions at their home, where my brother, sister and I returned as adults to gather around the table and go down Memory Row. For example, “Remember the Christmas Mom and Dad gave Dave a horse, and they got creative and placed some horse manure in a beautifully wrapped box to surprise him?"

I can picture it as if it were yesterday. Our entire extended family sat in a circle, each of us opening one present at a time. As soon as Dave unwrapped his gift, he knew what it meant. He threw the box up in the air and ran outside. Unfortunately, there was … gravity ... and the manure rained down on Mom’s beautiful red wool knit Christmas outfit.

One year, Dad (aka Warren Reed) rented ten horses and we made like Lawrence of Arabia and went riding over the sand dunes pictured in the background of this photo. What fun we had.

Dad also rented a large red canoe that held all ten of us and we paddled around the bay, getting up close to the herons, otters, seals, sailboats and pelicans.

As the Director of Vocational Ag Education for the State of California, Dad spent twenty years and thousands of hours driving around the state, visiting schools, county and state fairs, advising teachers and Future Farmers of America students on their projects.

Within weeks of retiring, he set off on a long-deferred dream to drive across America and visit all the national parks. It was something he’d always wanted to do – but had never had time due to his 7-day a week dedication to his job and serving others.

A week after setting off on his grand adventure, Dad had a stroke. Thankfully, he recovered, but he never did fulfill his life-long dream to see all those national parks.

A couple months after Dad had his stroke, I visited him from Hawaii and we went for a hike at nearby Montana Del Oro State Park. If you’ve been in this area, you know it’s a magnificent golden plateau with a trail that winds along dramatic sea cliffs that overlook the Pacific Ocean. It’s a great place to watch humpback whales, bask in the sun and sea breeze, and marvel at the foamy waves crashing on the shore below.

You know how you keep your head down when you’re hiking on uneven ground? Well, Dad and I were walking along with our eyes focused on the trail, when a premonition prompted us to look up.

There, fifty yards away, was a full-sized buck with an impressive rack of antlers. We had no idea where he came from or how he got there. There was no tall brush or trees, just an open field. the buck gazed at us without an ounce of fear. We gazed back at him.

If you live in California, you know that bucks simply don’t come out in the open. Even when it’s not hunting season, they usually head the other direction as soon as they get a whiff of human beings. This was so unusual, we both understood it was a gift, a blessing.

And so it is that I feel full-circle blessed experiencing this golden hour at Morro Rock. I am here with my sister and we too are going down Memory Row. Yes, we’re getting caught up on business, but we’ll also looking up in wonderment every once in a while as we marvel at our life-long journey together.

Cheri’s daughter is working in her business and helping with mine. Cheri is so grateful that Christina values what she does and has elected to learn the business and honor what she’s created. We talk about Andrew and Miki getting engaged, and Tom and Patty loving their son Mateo, and marvel that it seems like a few months ago we were riding horses over the dunes in Morro Bay.

As part of my 60th birthday weekend in Washington DC, my family, friends and I saw Woody Allen’s movie “Midnight in Paris.” In that movie, the lead character, Owen Wilson, longs to go back to the era when Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Salvador Dali and Gertrude Stein hung out in Paris together. Through film-making magic and suspension of disbelief, Owen’s character gets his wish and gets to go back in time and kibbitz with these creative geniuses at the height of their powers.

Toward the end of the movie, a woman finds out “Owen” has time-traveled and begs him to share the magic and make it happen for her. Her dream is to go back to the age of the Renaissance and meet Rembrandt, Monet and Matisse.

Owen takes her by the shoulders and beseeches her, implores her to understand what he's discovered, “No, THESE are the golden days, THESE are the golden times.” She doesn’t listen to him. She’s convinced the grass is greener somewhere, sometime, else.

I knew it then and I know it now.

Anytime we are fortunate to be with people we love, THOSE are the golden times. Every day we are blessed with health, THOSE are the golden days. Every moment we get to explore this incredible country of ours and experience her natural wonders, THOSE are the golden moments. Every hour we get to do work we love that matters with people we enjoy and respect, THOSE are the golden hours.

So, here’s to the golden times, the golden days, the golden moments, the golden hours. May we steep ourselves in these blessings, imprint and appreciate them - right here, right now.

Look Closer

Do you know one of the biggest lessons I've learned as a result of my Year by the Water and from 20 years of researching, writing and speaking about attention, concentration and focus? The quality of our life is directly proportionate to our quality of attention. 

Yet, as explained in Got Your Attention? … goldfish have longer attention spans than we do.

I’m not making that up. That’s from research by Harvard professor Nancy F. Koehn. Goldfish = 9 seconds. Human beings = 8 seconds.

What that means is we tend to rush through life distracted, impatient, perpetually on to the next thing.

At work, we're constantly interrupted and besieged with conflicting priorities.

We rarely really focus on anything. As a result, we don’t really connect.

The good news? There’s an antidote to this.

Three times a day, take three minutes to do this simple ConZentration Look Closer Exercise. Simply stop what you’re doing and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

As soon as you do, you will feel a newfound appreciation for that person or activity. You will find yourself really listening to that person. You'll find yourself more deeply engaged in that task. It’s amazing how accessible focused connection is. It is, literally and figuratively, a moment’s NOTICE away.

I’ve collected my six favorite quotes about seeing – with some added comments – and share them here. They're excerpted from Got Your Attention? (which Marshall Goldsmith says is a "must for every leader") and from ConZentrate – a book I wrote about how to stay focused in an unfocused world and which Dr. Stephen Covey endorsed as "Remarkable, thought-provoking, fascinating, motivating"

Hope you find them thought-provoking. You might even want to post a favorite quote where you’ll see it every day as a reminder to stop and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

Taking the time to stop and SEE who you're with and what you're doing is the first step to creating SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in your eyes.  It's the key to being IN your life and fully experiencing it rather than rushing through it and looking back with regrets, wondering where it went.  It’s the first step to staying focused at work instead of feeling constantly frazzled and frenetic.

Six Quotes on How to SEE Your Way to Improved Focus and Connection

1. The first words of our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, are, “Oh, say, can you see…” The real question is, “Oh, say do you see…”

2. “Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t time, and to see takes time.” – Georgia O’Keefe As mentioned, to see takes time and intent. We must give our mind an order and decide to focus our attention on THIS thing for THIS amount of time.

3. “Develop interest in life, in people, things, literature, music. The world is simply throbbing with rich treasure, beautiful souls, fascinating people.” – Henry Miller There is no excuse, ever, for being bored. That is simply a lack of imagination and a lack of really seeing the miracles that surround us every single day.

4. “Life is postponed until further notice.” -Sam Horn The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the quality of your attention and connection.  Put yourself on NOTICE now.

5. “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck The second you really SEE someone or something; you’re flooded with renewed appreciation. Attention = appreciation.

6. “The whole of life lies in the verb seeing.” – Teilhard de Chardin Every time I see this quote, something deep within me says, “YES, emphatically YES.” Not seeing = not connecting.   Fully seeing = fully connecting.

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Want more? Check out Sam’s books – Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? which Marshall Goldsmith calls "a must for every leader" and ConZentrate which Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) endorsed as “Remarkable, fascinating, thought-provoking, motivating.”

Or, contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com to arrange for Sam Horn to present her GOT FOCUS? keynote to your convention or corporate meeting. Discover for yourself why her programs on how to focus and concentrate have received excellent ratings from NASA, been featured on NPR; and how they can help your employees be more focused, mindful, connected and productive at work.

Sail OM

What a joy it was sailing on Chesapeake Bay with Captain Jen. I was in Annapolis, saw a flyer for Woodwind Schooners, called to sign up, and BOOM, was on the water later that afternoon.

Jen graciously gave me a go at the Woodwind II’s helm (yes, the same beautiful 74 foot schooner that was featured in the movie The Wedding Crashers.)

If you sail, you know what a visceral thrill it is when the sails fill with wind and the boat lifts, heels and digs in … all at the same time.  It is - in a word - uplifting.

I was so happy, I found myself humming Christopher Croft’s “Sailing” and The Commodores “Sail On.”

Part of the lyrics are:

“It's not far back to sanity at least it's not for me And when the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

Sailing, takes me away To where I've always heard it Just a dream and the wind to carry me Soon I will be free”

And the melody in “Sail On” is: “Good times never felt so good”

A new friend on the boat snapped this picture and said, “You were so obviously in your element.  You were beaming.”

I laughed out loud and instantly realized what I was going to caption this photo.

Sail OM.

“Om” is defined as a “cosmic sound,” a “divine affirmation,” the “essence of breath” and “with which one is liberated.”

Yes … that is what it’s like sailing on a perfect, sunny day ...  alive, healthy, free and filled with gratitude.

How about you?

Do you sail?  What are some of your favorite memories of sailing?  What’s it mean to you?  What do you do that fills you with OM -  a "divine affirmation?"

Get Out of Your Head and Come To Your Senses

I know it's a cliche; but have you ever seen anything so beautiful it took your breath away?

That's what happened this day last year when the historic floods cleared enough for our private photography workshop group - led by Charles Needle - to be let into Monet's Garden at 7 am sharp, before the public crowds.

I rounded a corner, and there was Monet's fabled lily pond and green arched bridge, framed by weeping willows and an abundance of living color. Palettes of pink , lilac, fuchsia, red and purple splashed across my vision ... and soul.

Dewitt (famed National Geographic photographer) and I agreed the gardens are a living, breathing testimony to Nature's abundance. What we experienced was the opposite of a perfectly manicured garden with neat rows, tightly clipped hedges and carefully controlled design.

We were surrounded by, as Dewitt put it ... a PROFUSION. I was intrigued with his just-right word and looked it up later. Profusion is defined as a "lavish display, extravagant."

That's exactly what was spread out before us and all around us. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "The earth laughs in flowers."  I found myself laughing out loud with sheer joy at what was around me.

I felt pulled along the garden paths, drinking it all in, filled with a timeless sense of wonder.  The trees were teeming with the coos, calls, chirps and twerps of birds greeting the new day.

Author Frederick Franck suggests we could counteract our busyness and non-stop rushing by creating an “island of silence” by letting our eyes fall on whatever happens to be in front of us – a flower or tree – and that we “look at it until it looks back at us.”

That’s what I’m drawn to do.  And as I gaze at the beauty surrounding me, I get out of my head and "come to my senses." Don’t you just love that phrase?

I’m reminded of ‘dah talk I had with Tom and Andrew when it was time for them to head to Virginia Tech (Go Hokies). You know the one I’m talking about. Where we try to distill everything we know into a couple pieces of advice on how to create a quality life that matters? I dug deep and asked myself, “What do I know for sure?  If I could only pass along a few life lessons, what would those be?” Here's what I told them:

Imprint.  I told them, "Charles Bukowski said, 'The days race by like wild horses over the hills.' The good news is, you can counteract the fleeting nature of time by imprinting special moments. When you experience something that moves you, look around and take a mental snapshot of what it looks like, smells like, sounds like, feels like.   Then, you can revisit it and re-experience it anytime you want.

My second piece of advice? “If anything ever goes wrong, get out in nature. If you’re worried about a test, if for any reason you’re feeling bad or sad – get outside and look up.  You will instantly feel better because it’s impossible to be in nature without getting a big picture perspective that centers you in what really matters.”

The third?  If you're ever at a crossroads, need to make a decision and can’t make up your mind, take the bolder of the options.

That’s what my dad suggested when I was trying to decide what to major in in college. Career counselors were advising me to study medicine or law so I could leverage my brain.

But I had grown up playing sports and planned to help pay my way through college by running recreation departments. That's what I wanted to study - Recreation Administration. Some people said that was a "joke" career, but I wanted to do work I loved that mattered and that's what Rec. Admin. represented to me.

So, instead of "conforming" to a more traditional or "practical" path, I chose the bolder option, the one that put the light on in my eyes, and things have just gotten better and better ever since.

I told my sons that Dad's advice to take the bolder option has led to a life I love. “When we make safe decisions, a small part of us dies. If you're not sure what to do, do what puts the light on in your eyes.”

Both Tom and Andrew have told me those pieces of advice have come in handy over the years.

And last year, in Monet's Garden, I got to do for myself what I had recommended to them.  I traveled to France as a result of a bold decision to take off for a Year by the Water, a creative venture that absolutely put the light on in my yes. I looked up and around and immersed myself in Mother Nature, and imprinted every blessed moment of it.

Meister Ekhart said, “If the only prayer we ever said was ‘Thank you,’ that would be enough.” As I steeped myself in the splendor of that special place, I sent up, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

As I did, a duck swam into view. I laughed out loud as what popped into my head was … lucky duck.

I am indeed a lucky duck. And you will be too if you make a bold decision to take time off work this weekend and go somewhere beautiful that takes your breath away. It's summer. Do NOT be one of the 59% of Americans who do not take their full vacation days.

The clock is ticking. Not in a morbid way, in a motivating way.

Where is a place you've always wanted to visit - or a place that fills you with joy every time you go there? Get yourself there. And when you do, get out of your head and come to your senses. See, smell, hear and feel the sights and sounds. Look up and imprint. Send up your own "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

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Sam Horn, Founder/CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create quality projects that add value for all involved. Her TEDx talk and books - POP!, Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in NY Times, Forbes, INC and presented to NASA, Boeing, Intel, Cisco and YPO.

Why Do We Love Water?

I re-connected with a fellow TLC (Transformational Leadership Council) member recently and we had an intriguing conversation about why we're drawn to water. Rick lives on a houseboat in Sausalito, CA. He told me he “loves the flexibility of living on the water, because it’s fluid, always moving, forever changing.”

Agreed. I love water for a lot of reasons.

It’s not just that water feels like “home.” (After all, we are, all of us, bodies of water.)

It’s not just that water is beautiful, calming and inspiring … all at the same time.

It’s not just that water is a muse. (Much like some people drop into a hypnotic state gazing at fire, I lose myself in a writer’s reverie while gazing at and working by water.)

It’s not just that it’s the perfect forum for freedom of movement. (We can swim in water. Float on it. Sail, boat; paddle board, raft and surf on it. Dive in it. Walk and run around it. Splash, play and revel in it.)

For me, it’s the dynamism of water that makes my soul sing. The multi-faceted nature of it. The many yin-yang forms of it. The metaphorical epiphanies facilitated and fostered by it.

Just think of all the thought-provoking quotes associated with water.

1. “I feel most at home in the water. I disappear. That's where I belong.” – Michael Phelps (Me too. I feel at home by, in, on and around water. Although I don’t disappear. I come alive.)

2. “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts (Yes, I trust and am relaxing into this experience. When people ask how my Year by the Water is going, I tell them, “Swimmingly.”)

3. “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” – Isak Dineson (It rarely happens, but if something goes wrong, all I have to do it get in water and it washes away the worries.)

4. “Being on a boat that's moving through the water, it's so clear. Everything falls into place in terms of what's important and what's not.” – James Taylor (Agreed. Water produces clarity and instant perspective.)

5. “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” - George Eliot (One of the reasons I set out on my Year by the Water adventure is because I wanted to experience the angels and imprint the golden moments now, not some day in the far off future … or never.)

6. “Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river.” – Jorge Louis Borges (Water and time are indeed Rorschach tests. How we view

them often reveals how we view ourselves.)

6. “Luck affects everything. Let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least expect it there will be a fish.” – Ovid (I am reveling in open days. They are lucky hooks that catch unexpected streams of blessings.)

7. “I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” – Isaac Newton (People ask where I’m going to return to when my year’s up. I’m not going to return to anything. I’m not going back to who I was or where I lived. There’s an ocean of truths I’ve yet to explore. Onward. )

As I travel around the country and visits oceans, bays, waterways, streams, rivers and waterfalls … I am thrilled with their capacity to fill me with wonder, appreciation and awe.

Water has become a non-negotiable for me. I’ve lived around and by the water for the past 29 years (Hawaii for 17 years and then on Lake Audubon and Lake Thoreau in Virginia for 12 years)

When it’s time to find my next home (I’ve realized I don’t want to SETTLE DOWN. What a depressing phrase. Settle means compromise and down equals depressed), I want to be like the settlers.

The settlers headed west, exploring new country, scouting for a home that had just the right elements. Water. Good soil. Trees. Mountains. A way to do business or earn a living. When they found the right combination of elements, they didn’t settle down, they SETTLED IN.

At some point, I will be ready to SETTLE IN. Not yet.

When it’s time, like the settlers, my next home will be by water. For me, water is at the core of a right life

How about you?;

Do you love the water? Why?

What role does it play in your life?

How does it inspire you, center you, feed your soul, facilitate your creativity?

I look forward to hearing what water means to you and how you keep it in your life.

What Are You Paying Attention To?

"Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you you you are." - Jose Ortega y Gasset Do you ever get discouraged by man's inhumanity to man?

It can be discouraging to watch the news and witness yet another tragedy, scandal or man-made disaster.

Yet complaining about it or being outraged by it hurts rather than helps ... unless we actively try to improve it.

Unfortunately, we can't always change or improve what's happening on the world stage. We feel powerless to make things better.

The good news is, there is a way to make things better. Paying attention to what's right in the world can improve the quality of life for us and everyone around us.

The challenge is, many of us have become so busy, stressed, angry or outraged, we no longer even notice man's HUMANITY to man.

This point was brilliantly made in an article by Gene Weingarten in the Washington Post years ago.  I remember reading this on a Sunday morning years ago when I lived in Reston, VA. I was so inspired by his thought-provoking essage, I set the magazine down and said out loud, "Just give the man the Pulitzer."

Weingarten wondered, “What would happen if you took a renowned violinist and positioned him inside a D.C Metro Stop during morning rush hour?

What if you asked him to play six compositions, each 'masterpieces that have endured for centuries,' and asked him to play these symphonies on a rare Stradivarius?

Would any of the hundreds of people streaming by take a moment to pay attention to a free concert by “one of the finest classical musicians in the world, playing some of the most elegant music ever written on one of the most valuable violins ever made?”

In the 45 minutes Joshua Bell played, (yes, the Joshua Bell who packs them in at concert halls around the globe), only seven (!) people paid any attention to his performance. The other 1070 people all rushed by, seemingly oblivious to the miracle in their midst.

Weingarten’s point?

There were several. One of which was to quote W.H. Davies who said, “‘What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stop and stare.’

At what cost are we so uptight and driven, that we have lost the ability to see the beauty around us?”

Another intriguing insight from Weingarten, “There was no demographic pattern to distinguish the few people who stopped to watch Bell from the majority who hurried past.  

But every time a child walked past, s/he tried to stop and watch. And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away.”

Hmmm.  Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Kudos to Gene Weingarten for his visionary social experiment Pearls Before Breakfast.

Please take the time to read the article and ask yourself, “Would I have taken a moment to listen to Bell?  Why or why not?  Have I become inured to the beauty around me?"

Starting today, vow to focus on, and contribute to, what’s right with your world instead of what’s wrong.

Instead of dwelling on the news, which primarily reports man’s inhumanity to man, choose to give your attention to what’s uplifting, inspiring and enlightening.

Choose to notice and thank the people who are making a positive difference ... the parents, teachers, entrepreneurs, servers, community leaders who treat others with respect and are dedicated to living in integrity and adding value.

When you choose to honor and BE humanKIND - you expand it.

And when we expand humanKIND - we create a rising tide raising all humans.

Want another example of humanKIND?

Have you heard about Eric Whitacre? Have you ever had the chicken-skin experience of singing in a choir or hearing a concert of hundreds of voices lifted in song?

Well, Eric thought, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could gather people from around the world - online - and conduct a “virtual choir” with several thousand people from 58 countries … all singing the same song at the same time?"

Take a few moments to listen to the transcendent results of Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir 2 "Water Night."  

Do it right now.  Really.  Don't "pass by" this offering of man's humanity to man.

I promise, for the moments you listen to this, you will be swept up in human harmony.

You will experience the joy that happens when people choose to come together in collaboration rather than conflict. 

You will be immersed in what's right with our world, right here, right now.

And by experiencing this example of human-KIND, you’ll see the world in a more positive and proactive light.

And every single time we do that, every time we pay attention to and contribute to the beauty in the world, we create a new narrative that elevates and celebrates what's right instead of what's wrong.