The Secret Sauce to SUCCESS? Being a quick study.
If something goes wrong, just yell "PLOT TWIST" and move on.
The quicker and more proactively we respond to a "course-correction," the quicker we can turn that experience into something that serves us rather than sabotages us.
As the saying goes, "There are no mistakes, only lessons."
Full confession. I've shared stories from my Year by the Water about sailing the Chesapeake Bay, swimming with Zach the Dolphin, and watching whales breach off Maui. But the truth? There wasn't a lot of water in the first three months of my Year by the Water.
What happened? The rubber band of routine snapped back is what happened.
In those first three months, I spent only one of every four days on, in or around the water. The other three days were spent in airports, flying, driving to and speaking at conferences, staying in hotels and working with consulting clients virtually or at their office.
Why did I revert to my decades-old habit of filling my calendar with paying commitments?
Well, the day before I left, I had a long conversation with Cheri Grimm. Not only has she been my Business Manager for the past twenty years, as my sister, she knows me better than anyone. As we wrapped up our call, she asked, “What do you you want most for your trip?”
I blurted out, “Well, I know what I don’t want. That's for this to turn into business as usual ... just on the road.”
Argghh. I’m supposed to know better. I focused on what I didn’t want.
Now, in my defense, there were good reasons that burst out my mouth. The weeks leading up to my departure had been intense with dozens of logistics to button up.
Still. When we focus on what we don’t want; that’s what we get. If we tell our kids, “Don’t run around the pool,” what are they going to do? Run around the pool.
If we're playing a sport and think, “Don't double-fault" "Don't strike out" or "Don't hit it in the water," what's going to happen?
If we're dealing with a difficult person and tell ourselves, "Don't let him get under your skin," or "Don't let her make you mad" we're going to do both.
I've been teaching this for years. It's in all my books. So, why did I do it?
I call Judy Gray and ask for advice. Judy used to run the Fairfax County Chamber of Commerce and the Florida Society of Association Executives and is one of the wisest leaders I know.
She says, "Sam, think about it. You've been a single mom and solopreneur with complete financial responsibility for yourself and your sons for fifteen years. To you, a full calendar means financial security. It means you can 'breathe easy' because you know you'll be able to pay bills.
When you set off on your Year by the Water, for the first time in a long time, you had 'empty' days on your calendar."
I can only imagine, at some level, that was cause for panic. It's easy to understand why you went back to 'biz dev mode" and started filling your calendar again."
Judy's right. We kept digging into why I kept compulsively booking more commitments instead of honoring my intent to visit bodies of water and write about them.
If I’m honest about it, and I want to be honest about it, ego probably played a role too.
Face it, it’s gratifying to have people value what I do. It feels good to be popular, to be “in demand.” As an entrepreneur, people wanting to work with me is proof of my worth.
However, one of the purposes of this adventure was to give myself time and space to be creatively adventurous instead of working non-stop the way i'd been doing for years.
I want to change this long-held association that a full calendar means I’m needed, valued and financially secure. I no longer want to equate being busy and being "booked solid" with being successful.
Judy says, “Sam, a few years back you got clarity around a similar issue. Remember what I’m talking about?”
As soon as she says it, I do.
The week after my son Andrew left for Virginia Tech, (Tom was already there), I was on my morning walk around the lake when I ran into a neighbor. We hadn’t seen each other for awhile, so we joined up to get caught up.
When she heard both boys were away at college, she said with concern, “You’re rattling around in that big house all by yourself? You must be so lonely in that empty nest.”
The thought had never occurred to me that I should be lonely or that I was living in an "empty nest." I smiled and said, “I don’t have an empty nest, I have an open nest.”
Her eyes flew open. “A what?!”
“An OPEN nest. Empty means no one’s there. I am there. Empty defines my life as bereft, as focused on who’s missing and what’s absent. My sons aren’t missing or absent. They’re happy, healthy and doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing at this stage of their life. We’re still connected and we’re all free to come and go as we please.”
“Wow. I never thought of it that way.”
The second Judy reminds me of this story, I realize it provides the more positive, proactive perspective I’m looking for. I don’t have an empty calendar, I have an open calendar.
In my "previous life", before launching my Year by the Water, empty days = empty bank account. It meant that clients didn’t want or need me, that I was at financial risk.
No more. I tell Judy, “I’m going to disrupt the way I think about this and talk about it. My days aren’t empty, they’re open to explore, to reflect, to create. I don’t have empty time and space, I have open time and space to discover new places, meet new place, arrive at new epiphanies."
In other words, open days aren't cause for panic, they're cause for potential.
Another one of the many things I appreciate about Judy is how practical she is.
She says, “Okay, how are you going to make sure you don't give in to the pressure to say yes to every business opportunity that comes your way? What boundaries will you put into place so you don’t fall back into old habits and work 30 days a month again?”
Good question.
Did you see the movie The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman? Remember the scene where his parents throw a pool party to celebrate his graduation from college? One of his dad’s friends drapes his arm over Benjamin, (Dustin’s character) and says, “I have one word for you … plastics.”
Well, the word I came up with to hold myself accountable for my good intentions and new mindset is metrics.
I realized that if I didn't ground my new mindset in metrics, it would be too vague. It wouldn't be measurable or enforceable (in the best sense of the word) unless I attached numbers to my intentions.
And, the fact is, I still have financial obligations. I still welcome speaking and consulting opportunities. I haven't abandoned my business, I'm just no longer doing it 24/7.
So, I created a better balance of work and recreation. A certain number of days each month are scheduled with speaking engagements, business appointments and client work. And a certain number of days each month are blocked off and kept open for friends, family, adventure ... whatever develops that day.
Those metrics have resulted in the best of both worlds (more about that here.)
How about you? Are you going going, going? Working 7 days a week?
Despite promising yourself you'll take more time "off," do you find yourself filling your calendar again?
Could you put measurable, enforceable metrics around your intentions to set aside time time for family, friends, adventure (or whatever puts the light on in your eyes) so the rubber band of routine doesn't snap back and you revert to old habits?
Reverend David Steir said, "Let us always be open to the miracle of the second chance."
Yes to the miracle of the second chance. And yes to us taking responsibility to create a more balanced life where we spendd time on all our different priorities - instead of just a few of them.
A rather ambitious friend told me she'd always perceived true success as "out there somewhere," just beyond her grasp, not yet attained. She always has goals she's working towards which gives her life a sense of progress, but not much satisfaction.
We looked at our lives and realized, "We're both published authors, we both speak internationally, we're thrilled with the coaching clients we get to work with.
Plus, we're in good health, we have freedom to do creative work that matters, we're having fun and we're connected with loving friends and family.
Success isn't "out there." It's right here, right now. We're wealthy in what matters. We've ARRIVED!
How about you? Do you feel you've ARRIVED?
When people ask what prompted me to give away 95% of what I owned and take off for a Year by the Water, I often tell them what Andrew said, “Mom, you’re created a life where you can do anything you want, and you’re not taking advantage of it.” He helped me realize the clock is ticking. Not in a morbid way. In a motivating way. But I was also ready to do the opposite of my always. I love my work, but I was pretty much going-going-going seven days a week. I was exhausted. (Sound familiar?)
Then, like many busy people I know, I came down with a respiratory illness that wouldn’t get better. I “soldiered through” for weeks (got to keep my commitments, right?) until I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed.
A friend took me to Urgent Care. After checking my lungs, the doc diagnosed walking pneumonia, prescribed bed rest and antibiotics, and then said, “I don’t understand why so many people are working themselves to death. You’re lucky we can treat this with a Z-pack. You’ll be fine in ten days. But if you don’t start taking better care of yourself, your body will do something else to get your attention.”
Hmm. What is it with this Puritan Work Ethic? Why do so many of us believe hard work is noble? Why do 55% of Americans NOT take all their paid vacation days? (Fact!) Why do so many of us feel it’s only okay to “play” when all our work is done? Since, for many of us, our work is never done, we never find time to have fun. We just get more and more run down.
I’m supposed to know better than this.
Guess what my major was in college? Recreation Administration! Career counselors kept suggesting I study law or medicine to make the most of my brain, but I grew up playing sports and believed they're at the center of a happy, healthy life. Even though some people told me this was a “joke degree for slackers,” I worked my way through college coaching swim teams, running community centers, organizing sports leagues and was a walking/talking advocate of the benefits of being active outdoors.
Yet, for a number of reasons, for the past couple of decades, I’ve spent more time sitting and spectating than being active. Let’s unpack that for a moment.
As parents, it’s easy for our days to become filled with chauffeuring kids to practices, games and activities while we sit in the car. on the bleachers or on the sidelines. Yet, when I think about my athletic career growing up, my mom came to one of my swim meets and my dad came to one of my tennis matches. That was it. And I didn’t feel bereft, abandoned or unloved. They had their life, I had mine.
As entrepreneurs, or if we have financial and family care-taking responsibilities, we can be in constant biz dev mode, constant got-to-work two jobs to pay bills mode, or constant “It’s selfish to go off and do something my own thing when my parents, kids, friends, neighbors (fill in the blank) need me.”
One of the most important epiphanies from My Year by the Water is, “It’s NOT SELFISH to do something that makes up happy; it’s SMART. It’s not indulgent or frivolous to do something each week that fills us with joy; it’s an investment in a more fulfilling life ... now and in the years to come.”
Please understand, I’m not suggesting we abandon our obligations and only do what we want. I’m suggesting we balance our responsibility to others with a responsibility to our selves to stay happy, healthy and in love with life.
My Year by the Water was SO MUCH FUN. Swimming with Zach the Dolphin. Seeing the sun rise over Diamond Head while riding the waves off Waikiki. Exploring Monet’s Garden. Reveling in a road of my own. Never knowing what was over the next knoll, around the next bend.
Now that I’m on to my next adventure – spending time with my sons, their wives and their brand new babies – I’ve promised myself to NOT let the rubber band of routine snap back and return to being a desk potato.
Like today, for example. I spent a good eight hours at the computer prepping for consulting appointments and working on my new book; but then the mountains called. A friend told me about Colorado Chautauqua I jumped online and discovered it was less than five miles away. I jumped in my car and fifteen minutes later was hiking the golden foothills, exploring the Flatirons and checking out this historic national landmark -which Theodore Roosevelt called “The Most American Thing in America.
So, here’s to fun NOT being a four-letter word. Here’s to fun being an active part of our life (intentional play on words) so we’re enjoying our lives, taking care of ourselves and making the most of our health … now, not someday.
Do you know what my son Tom said when I told him I was taking my business on the road for a Year by the Water? “So, you’re finally going to put yourself in the story.”
Wow. What an interesting and astute observation.
I'm not the only one who took myself out of my own story.
I encountered many people on my travels who were putting everyone else first, themselves last.
They wistfully talked about the dreams they’d put on hold.
Many said they’re so busy taking care of everyone else, they don't have the time or energy to take care of themselves.
They had bills to pay, kids to raise, projects at work, parents with health challenges …the list goes on.
Some seemed to think it’s selfish to do something – even once a week – that makes them happy.
Sound familiar?
One of the most important epiphanies from my Year by the Water is that doing something that puts the light on in our eyes is not selfish; it’s smart.
And we don’t have to quit our job, win the lottery or walk away from our obligations to do this. We can do something that puts the light on in our eyes even if it's once a month. Even if it’s for an hour or two.
It’s not indulgent to do more of makes us happy – whether that’s to curl up with a good book or get back into a hobby we used to love - it’s inspiring. It sets a precedent and gives the people around us permission and incentive to do the same.
What did you give up because you got busy or were told it was selfish?
What used to bring you joy you no longer have time for?
What did you abandon because you were told it "wouldn't pay the bills?"
Bring it back into your life.
It's not too late to become, as Charles Bukowski says, "the person you wanted to be before the world told you what you should be."
Trust that everyone wins when you take responsibility for doing something that lights you up.
You will never regret putting yourself back in the story of your life; you will only regret not doing it sooner.
I am driving from Houston to California for the third time and vow NOT to go through El Paso or take Route 10, ever again. When I get to a cross-road, I just took whatever road heads WEST. That choice sets up one of my favorite experiences of the entire trip.
Many people think of Texas as dry and barren, but its famous hill country surprised me with its rolling, sweeping vistas. I'm driving at my favorite time of day, golden hour, the gentle moments just before the sun goes down and the air calms and becomes a transcendent shimmery gold.
I crest a hill and discover a golden field stretched out in front of me to the horizon. In awe, I pull over and shut off the car engine. The only sound is a slight breeze through a nearby tree. Otherwise, it is majestically silent. I'm completely immersed in the moment. I feel blissfully connected. One with everything.
Connected? How could I feel connected? There's no one around.
But there's all kinds of connection. There's connection to the place, to the magnificence of nature, and to how grateful I feel for being alive and present in that moment.
I smile as I think about the most frequently asked question on my Year by the Water: "Don't you ever get lonely?”
The answer to that is a resounding NO. What I feel is … connected. Connected to my family and friends who are with me even when they’re not with me. Connected to the Audible books I listen to, to the places I've discovered, the people I've met, the experiences I've had.
People also asked if I get "bored" driving cross-country by myself.
Once again, the answer is an emphatic NO.
When I am driving along for hours (or days) at a time; I'm not bored, I'm 100% engaged in the ideas and stories shared by these insightful authors. I'm completely engaged in discovering and exploring new places, of never knowing what's over the next knoll.
It's crystal clear to me. If I ever feel lonely or bored; it means I'm not paying attention.
As I say good-bye - and thank you - to this sacred spot and drive away, I turn on the Audible book I'm listening to (Twyla Tharp's The Creative Habit) just in time to hear her say, “Every creative project needs a spine.”
What an intriguing insight. I wonder, "What's the spine of this adventure, of my life?"
The answer comes to me, clear as a bell, "Discovery is my North Star, connection is my Holy Grail. Loving and being loved is the spine of my life."
And what I know deep within my soul, as a result of this Year by the Water, is we don't have to be with other people to be engaged and connected - we just need to be alert and appreciative of the wonders that surround us, all day, every day.
We are never really alone. If we truly pay attention to our surroundings, we are all one. We are complete, content. The connection we seek is, literally and figuratively, a moment's notice away.
Years ago when my sons we're growing up on Maui, I felt torn between two worlds. I had two sons I loved and wanted to be with AND had a thriving speaking/training business that called for me to be on the road and in the air. At a National Speakers Association convention on the mainland, I ran into a long-time friend Maggie Bedrosian. We hadn't seen each other since I had left Washington D.C. for the Hawaiian Islands several years before.
Maggie asked, "Sam, how are you?" I started telling her. Before I could finish, Maggie being Maggie, (she must have been an impish elf and wise sage in another life) interrupted me and said, "No Sam, tell me in ONE WORD how you're doing."
Wow, what a great question. It forced me to distill everything I was feeling into one catchall phrase. I dug deep, opened my mouth, and out came "Maggie, I'm … conflicted."
Her eyebrows flew up. "Conflicted? How so?"
"Yesterday morning I was on Keawakapu Beach with Tom and Andrew at golden hour. They were charging into the surf with their boogie boards, riding those waves all the way in until they scraped their bellies on the beach, and then running out to catch another one. It was Nirvana. I didn't want to be anywhere else.
Today, I’m here at this conference surrounded by smart, talented peers, I'm learning new things, speaking on my favorite topic, my brain's on fire, and I'm humming with energy and new ideas.
I feel like I'm constantly torn between two worlds."
Maggie looked at me and then shared this insight. "Sam, the words you use to describe your experience define your experience. You better come up with another word to describe how you feel, because that's how it's going to be."
Smart woman.
That night I couldn't sleep. If I wasn't conflicted, what was I? I kept mentally tasting words, experimenting with them to see if they captured the mix of emotions I felt. Finally it came to me.
The next day I tracked down Maggie. There she was down the hall. I ran up to her and said, "Maggie, I figured it out. I'm not conflicted, I'm … blessed. I'm not torn between two worlds, I have the best of both worlds.”
That describes how I feel now.
I've just had 16 months of glorious adventuring, exploring, discovering, reflecting, and “funning” on my Year by the Water. (If “funning” isn’t a verb, it deserves to be.)
Now I'm here in Boulder holding my beautiful baby granddaughter Natalia in my arms. This morning I was sitting on the floor and playing Lego's with my grandson Mateo.
Last night I was sitting on the couch with Tom and Patty getting caught up, and as they say in Hawaii, “talking story.”
The day before, I was making nutritious greenies, doing “folding laundry meditation, and enjoying Dolores' (Patty's Mom) delicious home-made cooking.
This morning, Mateo is playing airplane on his own private jungle gym, (his dad) and watching his favorite Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood with his mom. It feels oh-so-right.
I look around and realize I once again am blessed to have the best of both worlds … and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I'm immersing myself in this abundance - this state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in my eyes - and I'm imprinting every sacred moment. Receive, receive, receive. Revel, revel, revel.
BTW - This recognition that I'm not torn being two options (either-or); I have the best of both options (yes-and) is one of the most important lessons-learned from My Year by The Water. I'll be writing about the adventures that led to this understanding in my upcoming book "There Is No Present Like the Time" including:
It’s not CONTROL OR COOPERATE. It’s both.
It’s not PLAY OR PRODUCTIVITY. It’s both.
It’s not SOCIAL OR SOLITUDE. It’s both.
It’s not start with the END in mind or with an OPEN mind. It’s both.
It’s not serve others or your self. It’s both.
Next time you’re feeling as if you're being torn between two options – re-frame what you’re feeling or facing. Isn’t it an advantage to have an abundance of options – to have the best of both worlds? You're not conflicted, you're blessed.
Giving thanks isn't just for Thanksgiving. Research by Harvard shows it's not happiness that makes us grateful; it's gratefulness that makes us happy. So, why limit giving thanks to just one day a year? As Walt Whitman said, "To feel gratitude and not express it, is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
Many people have a tradition of unwrapping presents that have been stashed under a Christmas tree. The real presents aren't under the tree. The real presents are the moments we take to express our appreciation for our health, freedom and loved ones. 
As this evocative image asks, "What if we woke up today with only the things we were thankful for?"
So it is as I wrap up 2016, I am filled with gratitude for this year that was filled with abundance in all its many forms.
I want to share my favorite quotes to remind us a gratitude mindset is the single best thing we can do to improve our quality of life. Feel free to print these and pass them around the table. Ask people to select a particularly meaningful quote and share what it means to them.
You and the people at the table could talk about politics, sports, the weather, plane delays, traffic and the food - or you could have a memorable discussion about the many blessings in your life, including who and what has favorably impacted you this year.
You’ve heard the saying “out of sight, out of mind?” You might want to post these quotes where you can see them every day, not just on holidays. Keeping them“in sight, in mind” (vs. out of sight, out of mind) can help you focus on - and appreciate - what's right in the world. And that's a win for everyone.
Gratitude quote #1: “When you drink the water, remember the well.” – Chinese proverb
Gratitude quote #2: “Make yourself a blessing to someone. Your kind smile or pat on the back just might pull someone back from the edge.” – Carmelia Elliott
Gratitude quote #3: “If the only prayer you ever said was ‘Thank you,’ that would be enough.” – Meister Ekhart
Gratitude quote #4: “There is no duty so under-rated as the duty of being happy. By being happy and grateful, we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Gratitude quote #5: “Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.” – Betty Smith
Gratitude quote #6: “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck
Gratitude quote #7: “When you give and carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, ‘Yes, this is how I ought to feel.'” – Rabbi Harold Kushner
Gratitude quote #8: “One of the very first things I figured out about life…is that it’s better to be a grateful person than a grumpy one, because you have to live in the same world either way, and if you’re grateful, you have more fun.”—Barbara Kingsolver
Gratitude quote #9: “Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be." - Abraham Lincoln
Gratitude quote #10: “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” – Colette
Gratitude quote #11: “Unless people like you care a whole lot, things aren’t going to get better, they’re not!” – Dr. Seuss, The Lorax
Gratitude quote #12: “To feel, think, learn and love; surely that is being alive and young in the real sense." - Freya Stark
Gratitude quote #13: In Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town, Emily longs to revisit one ordinary, “unimportant” day. When she gets her wish, she realizes how much she took for granted. “I didn’t realize all that was going on and we never noticed. Oh, earth, your’e too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”
Gratitude quote #14: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” - John F. Kennedy
Gratitude quote #15: “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough." - Oprah Winfrey
Gratitude quote #16: "The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it." - Richard Bach
Gratitude quote #17: "Happiness is not a goal; it's a byproduct." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Gratitude quote #18: "Success is not about getting it done or attaining money or stuff. The measure of success in lie is the amount of joy you feel." - Esther Hicks
Gratitude Quote #19: “Normal day, let me aware of the treasure you are.Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may; for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth . . . or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” – Mary Jean Iron
Gratitude Quote #20: "The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you're the pilot." - Michael Altschuler
Maintaining a spirit and mindset of gratitude as we move forward - choosing to focus on and realize all the many blessings in our world - is a magical way to "pilot our time."
Sending best wishes to you for a happy, healthy new year that is everything you want it to be - and more. - - - - Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert and author of Got Your Attention? is on a mission to help people create collaborative communications that add value for all involved. Check out Sam's #TEDx talk on how to connect with anyone, anytime, anywhere.
“Time races by like wild horses over the hills.” – Charles Bukowski I'm wrapping up the year by staying with a long-time friend in Kauai. She's graciously opened her home to me so I can finish my Year by the Water manuscript. As we got caught up over dinner overlooking the ocean, she said ruefully, “Where did the time go?”
Exactly. It’s said that “old folks’ homes” are filled with people asking, “What happened?”
I’ve come to believe that one of the best ways to counteract the fleeting nature of time is to imprint and honor each year with Review-Preview ritual. I used to host Review-Preview salons at the National Press Club. Every December, we’d gather to reflect on the previous year and share what we were most grateful for – and then look ahead to the coming year and share our hopes and intentions.
Many people have told me how much they appreciated these opportunities to deeply connect with others and do a deep "connect and reflect" dive into honoring on who and what really impacted them – and why.
A guest came up to me after the first gathering and said, “Sam, this was like doing a verbal vision board. I’ve done vision boards in the past and it’s uncanny how many of the things I put on my board came true."
Exactly. So often, years blend and blur into the next. Let’s not let this happen this year.
Here are my 10-10 questions you’re welcome to use to host a Review-Preview with your friends or family. Feel free to adapt these as you see fit or create your own. They can facilitate a meaningful conversation about who/what really matters for us and the people we care about.
P.S. At the end, I share my own abbreviated answers to kick-start the process. Sending best wishes for happy, healthy holidays and a new year that’s everything you want… and more
Review of the past year:
1. What is a favorite place I discovered, explored or spent time in?
2. Who is someone who really impacted me? How so?
3. How did I change? What new/different beliefs and behaviors did I adopt?
4. What's a meaningful achievement or skill acquired I’m proud of?
5. What happened that was unexpected or surprising? How did it affect me?
6. What will I remember about my health from this year – and why?
7. What was my biggest challenge – lesson learned the hard way?
8. What did I NOT find time for?
9. What is the best book I read or movie/TV program I saw? Why?
10. What experience and/or person am I most grateful for? Why?
PLEASE NOTE: When previewing the coming year, you might want to state your intentions in the PRESENT OR PAST TENSE vs. the FUTURE tense.
Why? Our subconscious believes what we tell it.
Experts say this is one reason New Years Resolutions rarely work. They're often stated as wishful thinking, "I'm going to ..." or "I will" which is speculative. Stating your goals as if you've already experienced them, “I loved meeting … “ or “It was so satisfying achieving that ...” is perceived as a statement of truth and helps turns them into a successful reality.
Preview of the coming year:
1. A particularly satisfying achievement this past year was …
2. A new place I thoroughly enjoyed discovering and exploring was …
3. I am so glad I got to meet and spend time with ... because …
4. I loved acquiring this skill and/or getting back into this hobby …
5. I am grateful for doing this spiritual practice … It made every day more …
6. I will always be glad I took better care of my body and health by …
7. I finally made time for …
8. One way I contributed and gave back was to …
9. Something that really added joy to my life and contributed to my well-bring was ….
10. One of the most important ways I changed was to …
Sam Horn's abbreviated responses to the Review of 2016.
1. What is a favorite place I discovered, explored or spent time in?
(Sam - swimming with Zach the Dolphin at Marineland in Florida.)
2. Who is someone who really impacted me? How so?
(Sam - Mary Loverde for teaching me to abandon absolutes and that it's as important to receive, receive as it is to give, give.)
3. How did I change? What new/different beliefs and behaviors did I adopt?
(Sam - I actually started eating vegetables - can you say kale and spinach?! - in greenies and liked them! Thank you Wildfit!)
4. What was a meaningful achievement (or skill acquired, dream goal realized) I’m proud of?
(Sam - Attended a workshop with Charles Needles and Dewitt Jones in Monet’s Garden in France – and learned to use my iphone camera to create quote-images I post on Instagram that are a source of purposeful, fun, creative instant gratification.)
5. What happened that was unexpected or surprising? How did it affect me?
(Sam – Almost passed up an opportunity to speak in China because of doubts. What was unexpected was I almost“played it safe” - not my normal mindset - and didn’t go. I re-committed to being adventurous and bold instead of being cautious and wary.)
6. What will I remember about my health from this year – and why?
(Sam - I cracked my ribs and lost my freedom of movement for a few months. Made me re-appreciate what a gift it is to be healthy and to have complete mobility and no pain.)
7. What was my biggest challenge?
(Sam - My biggest challenge was learning to see my calendar as having OPEN days - not EMPTY days – so I didn’t revert to a decades-old habit of saying yes and filling my days with commitments.)
8. What did I NOT find time for?
(Sam – Hudson Valley, Walden Pond and the lake where Helen Keller said her first word, “Water,” which is why my Year by the Water is SO not over. )
9. What is the best book I read?
(Sam - Commonwealth by Ann Patchett. Proves that “literary” books about the human condition can be kind, insightful and a page-turning read.
10. What experience and/or person am I most grateful for? Why?
(Sam, my sister Cher who runs my business and who I trust implicitly. My sons Tom and Andrew, their wives Patty, Miki, and grandson Mateo for gifting me with a family I love. My friends who bless me with their generosity and positive spirit. My most important lesson-learned is that Connection is the current that runs through my life. It my Holy Grail. You are all with me, wherever I am, and I am grateful. )
Sam's Quick Preview of 2017?? I'm about to be blessed with TWO new grand-children and will be moving to Boulder, CO. Stay tuned. - - -
Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, TEDx speaker, author of IDEApreneur, POP! Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? – has the best of all worlds doing work she loves' speaking for such clients as National Geographic, Boeing and Capital One; writing books/blogs that add value; and helping clients create one-of-a-kind projects that scale their impact – for good.
"The longer you wait for your future; the shorter it will be." - slogan on coffee mug 
I was at a beach in Kauai over the weekend. A couple next to me said they'd been looking forward to getting into the ocean but it was "too cold." Meanwhile, a little boy waded in and started splashing around. He was clearly having the time of his life. The couple looked at each other, ditched their cover-ups, and were in the water with him a moment later. The moral of the story? Life's waiting. Wade in.
This theme of "initiating instead of waiting" has emerged as one of the most important lessons-learned of my travels. I remember meeting someone on the beach in Hilton Head, SC. and walking together for awhile. She was really curious as to what catalyzed My Year by the Water.
I told her my son Andrew had stopped me in my tracks and motivated me to re-think my habits by saying, "Mom, there's something about you I don't understand. You've created a life where you can do anything you want, and you're not taking advantage of it."
He was right. As much as I loved my work of speaking, writing, and consulting, my routines had been pretty much the same thing for 20 years. It was time to switch things up. I realized, the clock is ticking, not in a morbid way, in a motivating way."
I realized many of us wait for the perfect circumstances to do what we really want. We wait until we retire or until we have more money or time.
The problem with that? We'll never have more time than we have right now.
Plus, some of us wait to do what we want only to find that when we finally have the time and money, we don't have our health or we don't have the person we wanted to spend our time and money with.
I was also motivated by something my mom used tell me when I was procrastinating. She'd say, "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today."
All those catalysts were enough to get me off my "but's" ("But what will happen to my business? But what will I do with my house and all my belongings?") and set off on my Year by the Water which has been one of THE most rewarding experiences of my life.
How about you? What do you really want to do? Water you waiting for? Are you having the time of your life?
Someday, when you're looking back at your life, what will you wish you had done? What will you be glad you did? What would put the light on in your eyes?
To add inspiration, I'm sharing a few favorite "Set it in motion TODAY" quotes. Hope these motivate you to put your calendar where your values are and schedule in a date and start time so you stop waiting and start initiating more of what really matters to you.
1. "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears." - Nelson Mandela
2. "If you don't go; you'll never know." - Robert DeNiro
3. "If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't; you'll find an excuse." - Jim Rohn
4. "Are you doing what you're doing today because it works; or because it's what you were doing yesterday?" - Dr. Phil McGraw
5. "Some people never initiate because no one tells them to." - Sam's dad
6 "Exhaustion is not a status symbol." - Brene Brown
7. "I have heard every excuse in the book, except a good one." - Bob Greene
8. "Life offers a second chance. It's called tomorrow." - t-shirt saying
9. "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis." - M. W. Bonano
10. "You have a life to live. If you're constantly looking back; you're going to walk into traffic." - Jon Hamm
11. "Don't just follow your dreams; launch them." - Sam Horn
12. "The trouble is, you think you have time." -Buddha
13. "Everything you want is on the other side of fear." - Jack Canfield
14. "Once you've done the mental work, there comes a point you have to throw yourself into action and put your heart on the line." - Phil Jackson
15. "The mark of a successful organization (person) isn't whether it has problems; it's whether it has the SAME problems as last year." - John Foster Dulles
16. "What are you going to do?" "I was going to go upstairs." "No, I mean with your life." - dialogue from the movie The Graduate
17. "The scariest moment is always right before you start." - Stephen King
18. "To feel, think, love and learn; surely that is being alive and young in the real sense."- Freya Stark
19. One day you're going to wake up, and there won't be any time left to do the things you've always wanted to do." - Paulo Coelho
20. "Some people get stuck because they keep telling themselves stories about how stuck they are." - Pinterest post (unattributed)
21. "If you don't have a dream; how ya gonna make a dream come true?" South Pacific
22. "When you get a chance to sit it out or dance; I hope you dance." LeAnn Womack
23. "Life expands or contracts in proportion to our courage." - Anais Nin
24. "Nothing will work, unless you do." - Maya Angelou
25. "I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day." - Albert Camus
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Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert and TEDx speaker, is on a mission to help people create respectful, collaborative, one-of-a-kind communications that add value for all involved. Her work - including POP!, Tongue Fu!, and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - has been featured on NPR and in the New York Times and presented to companies around the world including Boeing, NASA, Intel, ASAE, Cisco and YPO.
I was in California recently to speak for the Central Coast Writers Conference. The day before my presentations, I headed to Morro Rock for an early morning walk. As I explored the waterfront, watching the playful otters float and nurse their babies on their bellies, I noticed some people gathered on the shore, eagerly gazing out toward the mouth of the bay. Curious, I walked over and asked, “What’s going on?”
The man closest to me said, “Oh, the San Salvador is arriving this morning.”
“What’s the San Salvador?”
“It’s a fully-rigged replica of the Spanish galleon - Cabrillo's flag ship - that discovered California. It should be here any minute.”
What a serendipitous discovery. To put this into context, every morning I listen to Colin Hay’s “Waiting For My Real Life to Begin” with its haunting lyrics about how many of us wait for our ship to come in. It’s a way to remind myself THIS is my real life and it’s up to me to create what I want - not wait for it to show up.
So, I walked to the point, peering through what the locals like to call a "marine layer" for my first glimpse of the ship. There it was emerging from the fog. A magnificent sight. I laughed as this thought occurred, “My ship just came in!”
This story doesn't stop there. In fact, it just keeps getting better and better.
The next day I closed my conference keynote with the story of that special moment watching the San Salvador sail into the harbor. I added though that:
“Writers don’t wait for their ship to come in; they write their way out to it.
In fact, entrepreneurs – and writers are creative entrepreneurs - launch their ship. At their core, they’re designed and destined to explore. They set sail with their ideas and stories. They do not wait for perfect conditions. They know the value is in the voyage. They understand discoveries don’t happen in inertia. Setting a vision in motion is what makes it tangible which is where you reap the rewards. Writers understand it's crucial to maintain confidence in their creative venture. Their role, their responsibility, is to launch … always to launch.”
Well, as soon as I launched that story, rewards started showing up.
A woman came up after my keynote and said, “Sam, my brother in law is actually in charge of the San Salvador Project. I’m sure he’d be glad to give you a tour.” Which is how I found myself interviewing Captain Ray Ashley below decks on the San Salvador the following day.
I hope you’re ready, because you cannot make up the stuff you’re about to read. You know what I've learned about stories? Fact is more fascinating than fiction.
What Captain Ray Ashley told me is a quintessential example of what can happen when we get an idea - and the facts indicate this can’t work and the finances aren’t there – but we choose to launch anyway.
This true story proves that if we keep the faith that what we're trying to build is worthwhile - mini-miracles can unfold if we set our project in motion and give community an opportunity to jump onboard.
Here’s what happened.
The San Diego Maritime Museum originated the idea of creating the San Salvador and asked Ray to head up the project. Ray told me, “As a historian, I know it’s important for origin stories to be associated with a physical object. As soon you turn something conceptual into something concrete (think European immigration to America and the Mayflower); people are more likely to relate to it.
So, we thought the discovery of California (by the Spanish, multiple Native American tribes already lived here) would become even more ‘real’ and relevant if we built a working replica of the ship people could see, touch and walk on.”
The only problem? Their research estimated it would cost $6.2 million to build the ship. The entire annual operating budget of the San Diego Maritime Museum was $4.6 million. So, on paper, the facts and finances didn't add up. Logically, it didn’t make sense to launch the project.
Thankfully, Ray said, the people in San Diego believed this project was worth doing and the project was approved. It was poartially due to that incredibly supportive community that the project team made a crucial decision that directly led to the success of their venture.
They decided to build the ship in PUBLIC instead of in PRIVATE.
Ray told me, “If you operate in isolation, if you're the only one providing the energy, ideas and vision; sometimes that’s not enough. But if you construct a project in public, well, people see what you're doing and want to get on board. They’re eager to be part of something they can be proud of.
We arranged for the San Salvador to be built in plain sight, right next to a busy freeway. Within weeks, we had 50 volunteers showing up every single day.
These were ‘lay-people’ saying, ‘Put me to work. How can I help?’ and skilled craftsmen - nuclear physicists, shipwrights, architects - offering their years of valuable experience and expertise.
It was a blessing to have such an incredible team of individuals dedicated to making the project a success. And we needed those volunteers because they helped us persevere through one obstacle after another.
For example, our research showed there was only one wood strong enough and dense enough to carry the weight of this ship, and that was white oak.
The challenge is, there’s not much white oak left. We finally found a supplier and, imagine this, bought up the entire world’s supply of white oak.
Now, no tree grows in the shape of a ship. It took us months to mill the wood into the curves of the hull and sides. When that was done, we applied epoxy to about half the wood to make it waterproof. The only problem was, the epoxy was contaminated. Within 48 hours, the wood had started to curl and rot and was basically unusable. As you can imagine, we were devastated.
Thank heaven for the volunteers. When we told them what happened, one said, “You know, you should call this guy Jim who’s kind of an expert on living oak. It’s not white oak, but it’s close. You never know. Might as well check it out.”
Ray contacted Jim, and sure enough, living oak used to be protected but now it’s overgrown and Jim was able to supply them with enough wood to meet their needs … at a price they could afford.
Good news, right? Yes, but it was only a matter of time before they ran into another seemingly insurmountable obstacle.
It was time to embed lead into the hull to provide the necessary ballast, but the price of lead had skyrocketed and they could no longer afford it. So, they launched a creative “Get the Lead Out” campaign and invited people to donate any lead they might have lying around.
Ray said, “People were coming in with their fish weights, etc. We really appreciated what they were doing, but it would take decades to accumulate the amount of lead we needed, a few ounces at a time.
We felt we had run into a dead-end. Once again, our volunteers saved the day. One said, ‘You know, I used to work for this contractor out in the valley that went out of business. I think they used lead for some of their projects. Maybe they still have some left on their property.’
Captain Ray got in touch and explained his situation to the executive. He said, “Well, let me look around and I’ll get back to you.”
The next day he calls Ray and says, “How much lead do you need?”
Ray says, “180,000 pounds.” The guy chuckles and says, “Well, I’ve got 190,000 pounds of lead and you can have it all.”
Fast forward. The ship is almost ready to launch. The challenge now is they have to get this heavy ship from the boatyard across the highway into the water. The problem is, they’re almost out of money and can’t afford to build what will need to be a steel bridge with rollers to transfer the ship.
Once again, their volunteers come to the rescue.
One says, “Well, I have a colleague who owns a home-moving business. I don’t know if he can help but he definitely knows a lot about transporting heavy objects from one place to another. Why don’t you give him a call?”
To make a long story somewhat less long, suffice it to say, this individual had wanted to upgrade his capacity to move heavy equipment like cranes, so he offered to build the steel bridge for the San Salvador - for free - so he could offer this option to his future clients. Another "insurmountable" obstacle surmounted.
If you’ve ever built something, you know that every contractor uses an operational formula called the TCQ – Time, Cost, Quality - Triangle.
Essentially, it states that if you are willing to pay more money, you can increase quality and reduce time. If you don’t have much money, you may have to cut corners on quality. If you take more time, you can increase quality, but it will also increase costs. These three factors are always interacting, always in play.
However, one rule that is almost sacrosanct in the contracting-building-construction-project management industry is that the longer it takes to build something, the more it’s going to cost.
Guess what?
The San Salvador took three times longer than anticipated to build - and came in only a little over its original budget.
How can that be??
Well, I told Captain Ray I think he and the San Salvador team added a side to the TCQ triangle and turned it into a TCQC rectangle.
I think they proved that if you go public with your venture, if you ask for help and give people ways to contribute - they can actually reduce costs because they're using their six-degrees-of-separation to connect you with people who can supply your provisions, remove your obstacles and solve your problems.
The San Salvador team demonstrated the mini-miracles that emerge when we build projects with a TCQC - Time Cost Quality Community - Rectangle.
When you involve your community, they bring so much to the table in terms of experience, expertise, energy and strategic alliances, you ultimately reduce costs and time. Perhaps more importantly, you improve the quality of the experience for everyone involved and you scale the reach and positive impact of your venture.
When I visited Captain Ray that day in Morro Bay, there were lines of an hour or two to tour the San Salvador. People had traveled from around the country to see, touch and walk around the ship.
Ray said, “That was our vision and it’s enormously rewarding to see it come true. We gave donors and volunteers an opportunity to hammer their initials into the keel. We’ve had dozens of families show up where the dad or mom or grandparent proudly pointed out the part of the ship they worked on.
They feel like they're part of the story. They love telling the story of the ship they ‘helped build.’ They're so proud to be able to put their hands on something they helped bring into being.”
As I wrapped up my time with Ray, I couldn’t help but reflect on the many ways the San Salvador project is a perfect metaphor for my Year by the Water project.
I too launched a venture when the "numbers" weren’t there. I didn’t have a financial sponsor for this trip. If I had focused only on the logical aspects of this venture, (e.g., “Give away 95% of what I own? Set off into the unknown?!”) it didn’t add up, didn't make sense … on the surface.
But deep down, I knew this was important, what I wanted to do. I too wanted to explore our magnificent country. I too wanted to travel on and visit bodies of water. I too had faith this project would be meaningful for me and others. I too had to maintain my confidence this venture was worth doing – even when there were no guarantees.
I too went public and experienced an outpouring of support. I received gracious emails from my community saying, “Come to this lake where Helen Keller said her first word, ‘Water.” “I live near Walden’s Pond, come visit me.” “You can stay in our vacation home on Chesapeake Bay.” “Hang out on my houseboat in Sausalito.” “I have a Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired cabin in Pt. Reyes National Seashore. You can write there.”
And I'm here to tell you, a year after launching my “ship,” that the secret sauce of a successful project is indeed … COMMUNITY.
Yes, I’ve enjoyed the many places I’ve had the opportunity to experience. Yet it’s the people I’ve connected with who have made this adventure even more meaningful, even more of a QUALITY experience in every sense of the word.
How about you? What is the project you want to build, the creative venture you want to launch, the dream you want to achieve?
If you juxtapose it, if you put a vertical line down the center of a piece of paper, there may be some fears on the left side. Maybe the numbers don’t add up. If you consider only the facts, figures, left-brain logic, it may not “make sense” to head off into the unknown where there are no guarantees. As long as you stay focused on the left-side of the ledger, your project will stay in the boatyard.
However, if you switch over to the right side of the ledger and focus on your faith that this creative project has value, your belief this adventure is worth doing, the meaning it might have for you and others… it will help give you the confidence and courage to set your creative vision in motion.
When you do, be sure to go public. Tell people what you're doing. Share your vision. Invite their input. Ask for their contributions. Enlisting your community adds an all-important ingredient to the equation.
A project that may have been unfeasible because it was dependent on the TCQ Triangle is now feasible because you’re adding the secret sauce of community.
You have just exponentially increased your odds of success because you won’t be operating in isolation, you won’t just be doing this for and by yourself.
You will have a TCQC - Time Cost Quality Community - Rectangle that is leveraging a group of people who are doing everything in their power to help you move your project forward because they are invested in its success.
And isn’t that what we want? Not just a meaningful, productive life where we're fulfilling our SerenDestiny and have the lights on in our eyes, but to have the privilege and opportunity to share what we care about with other people who care about the same things?
What is it you want to do? Launch it.
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Sam Horn, Founder and CEO of the INTRIGUE AGENCY, helps people create respectful, collaborative one-of-a-kind communications and projects that add value for all involved. Her inspiring TEDx talk and keynotes receive rave reviews from such clients as National Geographic, Intel, Cisco, Capital One, NASA, Accenture and Boeing. Her work - including POP!, Tongue Fu!, and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in New York Times, Forbes, Fast Company and NPR and MSNBC.
Want more ways to lead a creatively productive life? Read Sam's inspiring Year by the Water updates at SERENDESTINY
As we wrap up September and head into October, my Year by the Water is supposed to be “over.” 
I’m getting emails asking “Where are you going to settle down?” or “What are you going to do when it’s over?”
Suffice it to say, I’m not ready for this to be over. And the words “settle down” are not in my vocabulary.
Why would I want to stop having the best of all worlds?
I remember something James Taylor said while being interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning. The reporter asked why it had taken him so long between albums. Taylor said he had been touring non-stop and hadn’t had the time or energy to compose or create.
The reporter asked, “So, you took time off work?”
Taylor smiled and said, “I didn’t take time off work; I did a different kind of work.”
That’s how I feel. I’m still productive, still speaking, coaching and consulting. I’m just doing it while traveling to bodies of water around the world and writing about my experiences and epiphanies.
I’m not taking time OFF work. I’m working in a new way - an even more meaningful, joyous way.
Sir Frances Bacon said, “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, melting like a snowflake.”
I know I’m fortunate. I’m in a season of my life where I have the freedom, autonomy and health to do this. I have a “portable” business I can run from anywhere. My sons are grown, out in the world and thriving. As Tom and Andrew told me, “Mom, we got this.” I understand one of the best gifts I can give them now is to model that we have the power to create our own SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in our eyes.
So, what’s next? Well, I’m headed to Pismo Beach where I’ll be keynoting the Central Coach Writers Conference. Then, on to DC to provide media training for NASA and to attend the Washington West Film Festival. Then … CHINA. More details on that coming up.
One of the many reasons I want to continue my Year by the Water is because there’s still so many places I haven’t seen yet. I still haven’t been to Helen Keller’s lake where she said her first word, “Water.” I still haven’t explored Hudson Valley, Lake Louise and Banff, and the Great Lakes, (which, by the way, is THE most frequently recommended body of water people say I should visit when I ask for suggestions.)
And, I’m looking forward to returning to Montana. I was just there last week speaking for Senator Daine’s team. State Director Charles Robison graciously arranged to take me fly-fishing on the Madison River, which was featured in the movie A River Runs Through It. 
Alas, I got food poisoning and this guy at the airport was the closest I got to fly-fishing. So, I’ve got a sun-check (what we used to call rain-checks in Hawaii) to go back to Yellowstone and Big Sky Country.
How about you? Are you doing what you want to do? Even if you have responsibilities – you’re raising a family, taking care of your parents, working full-time plus, paying bills, out-of-work, dealing with a health challenge – what is one thing you could do this week that would put the light on in your eyes? How can you bring more of that into your life on an ongoing basis?
If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year it’s how important it is for us to NOT WAIT for some future date to do what makes us happy.
I was having breakfast at an outdoor café near Morro Bay, CA on September 11. A group of seniors at a nearby table were talking about how the country has “gone to hell in a hand basket” since then. A rather grizzled gentleman in the group hadn’t said a word. One of the women turned to him and said, “What do you think, Al?” He growled, “I think every day is a gift and we should act like it.”
Agreed. Later that morning, I was driving through Santa Barbara on the way to LAX and stopped to get in my daily walk. I encountered this stirring memorial on the beach by the pier. I will always remember these flags, one for every person lost at the World Trade Center on 9/11, waving in the sea breeze. A sobering reminder to cherish ... every ... single ... day.
It’s hard to believe, but it was only five years ago that Serena Williams suffered what could have been life/career-ending injuries, including two foot surgeries and a pulmonary embolism. Serena is quoted as saying she didn't know if she would "get out of the hospital," much less play tennis again. In 2011, her sister Venus Williams was diagnosed with #SjogrensSyndrome, an auto-immune disease that causes numbness, joint pain, swelling and extreme fatigue.
Yet, today, Serena won her 22nd grand slam title at Wimbledon to tie Steffi Graf, and she and Venus are playing in the doubles final, (even though they were ranked #250 in the world and unseeded in the doubles draw of this tournament).
I can only imagine Serena and Venus were tempted to give up when they were in pain, when they could hardly walk. It would have been so easy to give up when all looked bleak.
But they wasn’t finished. They weren't willing to turn their backs on their talent. They believed they still had greatness in them.
Instead of abandoning their dream, they re-dedicated themselves and chose to use those setbacks as INCENTIVE vs. an EXCUSE.
As a result of re-committing themselves to doing and being their best and fighting for what they cared about, they’ve reached a much-welcomed oasis of success.
The beauty of this? Their success is not a mirage; it is a well-earned reality.
Their success is a result of deciding that what they wanted mattered enough to to persevere through the dark times … even when there were no guarantees.
How about you? Are you in the desert of your dream?
Are things not working out the way you hoped? Have you received bad news? Are people not seeing what you’re seeing, not believing what you’re believing?
If you’re an entrepreneur, are you not getting the clients or contracts you deserve?
If you’re in an organization, are you not getting the projects or promotions you deserve?
If you’re in between jobs, are you not getting the interviews, call-backs or offers you deserve?
Are you planning your own adventure - your own version of a Year by the Water - but it's not coming together as you hoped?
Could you choose to “pull a Serena?” Could you persevere like Venus?
Could you remember who you are and what you want and choose to live forward ... no matter what?
Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
Looking backwards, every successful person will tell you there were setbacks along the way that seemed unsurmoutable - that could have drained their conviction and caused them to quit.
Instead, they transcended those doubts and carried on through the down times. In doing so, they re-established momentum and moved closer to making their dream a well-earned reality.
As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” He also said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
If you are facing setbacks, remember who you are and what you want. Choose to see those setbacks as incentive rather than as an excuse.
Believe in your dream. Believe in yourself. Keep the courage. Continue.
This is a unique group of the world's top master coaches who have the tangible joy of doing work they love that matters.
The thing is, many have been doing this type of work for 20-30 years.
What can we do NEXT when we really like where we are? How can we evolve and move forward in fresh, perhaps even more meaningful, ways instead of doing what we've always done?
Many participants came up after my workshop to tell me my "aircraft carrier" metaphor really resonated with them.
One said, "I never saw my career as an aircraft carrier. Now that I do, I see how easy it would be to just keep steaming along in the same direction unless I choose to do things differently."
I shared with the group that a Navy pilot who used to fly off aircraft carriers told me something about them I've never forgotten.
"Do you know how you STOP an aircraft carrier? You DON'T. You can turn off the engines, but it keeps going for miles because of its mass and momentum. Even if you put the engines in FULL REVERSE, it takes up to 4 miles to come to a complete halt. Just to TURN an aircraft carrier can take up to 10 miles."
I shared that one of the reasons I decided to take off on my YEAR BY THE WATER adventure is because I realized my life/work had become an aircraft carrier, A GOOD one, but still, an aircraft carrier.
I'd lived in the same area for 14 years. I've been speaking, writing and consulting for 25 years. I've engaged in the same hobbies/habits for 30 years.
There was nothing WRONG with my life. I was happy. I loved my family, friends, job, the people I get to work with, where I lived.
But if we agree with Jeff Bezos that it's a danger not to evolve ...
If we agree with Helen Keller that life is abundant and supposed to be an adventure, an experiment ...
And I do ...
Then it was time to jump off the carrier and do something different.
It's a big ocean out there and I was only seeing/experiencing part of it.
In our program, I shared many reasons people DON'T get off their aircraft carriers. Responsibilities. Obligations. People depending on them. Fear. Bills to pay. Perceived lack of money or education. The default of habits. The anchor of the status quo.
Some of us simply don't know what to do next and we're not about to abandon a "sure thing" for the uncertain.
We addressed those "barriers to exit," and I shared inspiring success stories of people who overcame their initial "failure to launch."
I shared that one barrier that's come up for me, and that seems to be an issue for many people, is that jumping off an aircraft carrier can come across as "selfish" when we have others relying on us.
Such is the case for George R.R. Martin. Yes, the author of the incredibly successful Game of Thrones series.
I read a startling excerpt from a Daily Mash interview where GRRM (as he's called in the biz) said,
“I was a hundred thousand words into Winds of Winter. I’ve got armies in one continent, zombies in another, dragons burning things all over the place and numerous uninteresting sub-plots involving minor noblemen whose names I cannot currently recall. It is, by anyone’s reckoning, a ... nightmare.
I was looking at several more months of inhumanly hard graft and even then everyone is bound to slag it off as ‘unsatisfying’.
Meanwhile it is a lovely day outside and I am an older man with more money than I can possibly ever spend.
You tell me why I should finish this? It’s an honest question. Someone else can do it if they like, I’m cool with that.”
WOW. George R. R. Martin is seriously considering JUMPING SHIP.
As you can imagine, his publisher, HBO and millions of fans are pressuring him not to. They want, need, expect him to continue producing the books they love.
The question is, "WHOSE LIFE IS IT ANYWAY?"
After dedicating decades of his life to creating a series that has delighted people around the world and made millions of dollars - for him and others - does he have the RIGHT to do what HE wants at this stage of his career and life? To put his commitments aside and enjoy the lovely day outside?
Who is he beholden to? His fans and followers? Or himself?
How about you?
Has your life and career become an aircraft carrier? A successful aircraft carrier? Will you keep steaming along because lots of people are counting on you to keep doing what you're doing? At what cost?
Do you have the right to do what YOU want? Is that selfish? Whose life is it, anyway?
Even if your life and career are headed in good directions, are they the SAME directions they've been going in for decades?
Is it time to evolve, to explore other areas of the ocean you haven't yet seen?
There are options of course.
Maybe we don't have to jump off the carrier. Maybe we just fly off the carrier now and then to take side trips. Maybe we can turn the carrier in new directions, explore different parts of the ocean, stop in new ports.
What are your thoughts about this?
Yesterday was Mother's Day ... and I got the world's best Mother's Day present. Both my sons - and their lady loves Miki and Patty - told me they were proud of me.
Andrew said, "Mom, you're killing it. You've totally uprooted your life. You're eating healthier than you ever have. You're doing what you really want to do. I'm proud of you."
Tom said, "You're in your sixties and you're finally putting yourself in the story."
Their feedback led to an epiphany.
You know what adult kids really want for their parents? They want us to be healthy and happy.
And I am fortunate to be both.
I set out on my Year by the Water seven months ago for a lot of reasons - many of which I'm sharing on my SerenDestiny website.
At the time I didn't realize I was pursuing what author Paulo Coelho calls our "personal legend."
Have you read his classic book The Alchemist? Many people have told me it was their favorite book, but for some reason I never read it.
Now I know why. I was supposed to listen to it.
So it was that while driving from Florida to North Carolina last week, I was swept up in Coelho's story of the shepherd Santiago as he journeys to the Pyramids in search of treasure. Along the way, he encounters characters who embody the facets of the prism that unfold when we pursue our personal legend.
He meets a crystal shop owner who lives with regrets because he never summoned the courage to answer his calling, change his life and do what he really wanted to do..
It gave me pause.
Tom and Andrew talked about me being in my 60's. I don't see myself as a boomer, although I am, and I never really think about my age. (They always say we feel like we're in our thirties on the inside, and that's true for me. How about you?)
Many people call what I've done "brave." They see it as risky or scary.
But I don't think about it as being brave, and I don't see my travels as risky or scary.
What is scary to me is the regrets I would have had if I had ignored the nudges that were calling me to set out on this adventure to explore our country's bodies of water and write about them. The true risk would have been to miss out on the deeply rewarding treasures I've experienced in the past few months.
Are you a boomer?
Now is the time to do what you've always wanted to do. You have eared the right. You have spent most of your life serving and taking care of others. It is fair for you to put yourself in your own story. As the saying goes, if not now, when?
And in case you're wondering, I don't think it's selfish for us to do what we've always wanted to do - whether that's to go to rock and roll camp, move to Paris for a month, or take up paddle-boarding.
I'm still sussing out the part about this being "selfish," but Iv'e come to believe that the people around us want us to be happy and healthy.
They want us to take better care of ourselves.
They want us to do what puts the light on in our eyes.
They want to know it's possible to change our life - for the better - at any age.
When we do this for ourselves, we model to others that it's possible. Our example may be just what they need to have the clarity and courage to do this for themselves.
I thought of titling this post .... Boomer or Later. But then I realized two things.
#1. The message of this is actually ... Sooner, not later.
#2. This message applies to adults of all ages, in their twenties and in their sixties.
Is something calling you? Nudging you? Set it in motion.
If you're a parent or grandparent, trust that what your loved ones want is for you to love them and for you to love your life.
If you're in the first half of your life, trust that taking a job that "pays the bills" but sucks the soul out of you is NOT what you're supposed to be doing with your time and talent. Get busy finding and aligning with people who love their life and are doing work that matters that puts the light on in their eyes and the eyes of others.
You will never regret answering what's calling you.
You will never regret honoring what's knocking on your heart.
You will only regret not doing it ... sooner.
Soaking in the sun here in Wailea Beach, Maui as part of My Year by the Water.
Glorying in the whales playing, spouting and breaching off shore.
Reveling in the soft air, gentle trades, stately royal palms and melodic Hawaiian music in the background.
Gazing out at the deep blue ocean, with Molokini and Turtle Town in the distance.
Weaving infinity loops with my arms while treading water in the infinity pool.
Immersed in this sweet much-welcomed state of writing reverie.
Energized by the centuries-old power and mass of Haleakala behind me, secure in knowing it has my back.
Aaaahhhh-ll is right with the world.
I keep breathing deep, heartfelt sighs of contentment. They just well up in me because I am so wonderfully happy here.
Then I saw this insightful article in this morning's The Wall Street Journal about "The Science Behind the Sigh."
Journalist Kat Long reports that sighing isn't just "an emotional outlet. It's a vital biological process necessary for maintaining overall health."
Amen to that.
I'm no expert, however I've also come to understand that sighing is also a way of consciously, mindfully breathing in an experience so we more deeply appreciate it and imprint it. Sighing is a sign of SerenDestiny. It's a sign that, for that moment, all is right with our world.
Do you have a time or place in your life where everything feels so right, you can't help yourself, you just find yourself breathing it all in?
Is it a park near your home? A nearby beach, forest, hiking trail, lake path?
Where is a place the tension drains out of you? Where do your neck and shoulders relax? Where do you feel deeply centered? Where do you feel aahhh-ll's right with your world?
Do you have a room at home where the sun comes in? Can you sit there, even for a few minutes, and bask in its warmth as it blesses your face, fills your soul?
One of the most important things I've learned about SerenDestiny - and how to keep the lights on in our eyes - is the importance of taking time every day to IMPRINT.
Instead of rushing through the day, getting from Point A to Point B, I make it a point to take a couple moments to look around and drink it in. Especially if I'm in nature and when the sun rises, sets or breaks through the clouds.
Queen Elizabeth said, "Good memories are our second chance of happiness."
I've found that taking a few moments to bask in the sun, revel in the moment, breathe in my surroundings and sigh with the rightness of it all ... IMPRINTS that experience so I can revisit those moments of happiness anytime I want.
It's a way to counter-act stress, a rush-rush mentality, or in the-moment frustration. It's a way to, every day, remind myself what a blessing it is to be alive.
So, where do you go to sigh? Where do you go to bask in the sun and feel warmed by its blessing? What do you do to pause, imprint, and breathe in all that's right with your world?
Did you know: * 48% of people say they are tired every single day of the week? * 52% of people feel unappreciated and would quit their job if they could? * that WORK -and the stress leading to it- are now the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S.?
Why are we doing this to ourselves?
I believe it's because "our strength taken to an extreme becomes our Achilles Hell." (Not a typo).
And for many of us, our "strength" is that we want to be a good person. We want to be responsible.
So we go to work and take care of customers and coworkers. We come home and take care of our family. In our community, we take care of friends, neighbors, the people on our church committee, community association board, local sports team or service club.
The question is, are we so busy taking care of everyone else - we have neglected our own priorities, dreams and goals? At what cost?
I believe it's not selfish to do more of what puts the light on in our eyes, it's smart. Here's why I've come to believe it's important to set our SerenDestiny in motion now - not someday.
Several years ago, I had breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, (one of the world's largest networking organizations.) After hearing about my full calendar and nonstop travel, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"
Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."
Please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to do work I love that matters; it's just that I was going 24/7. (Sound familiar?)
My conversation with Ivan, a health-scare and several other wake-up calls motivated me to do a pattern interrupt.
I gave away 95% of what I owned and took my business on the road for a Year by the Water. I visited oceans, lakes, rivers and waterfalls and wrote about my adventures and insights.
(And yes, I realize how fortunate I am to be at a certain age and stage in my career where I had the freedom, autonomy and wherewithal to do that.)
Do you know what I didn't predict? That my Year by the Water ended up NOT being about the water.
Yes, I swam with dolphins, sailed the Chesapeake Bay and had many memorable times in, on and around the water.
But what turned that trip into a life-changer were the unplanned experiences and disruptive epiphanies that caused me to realize my S.O.P - Standard Operating Procedure - was sadly outdated.
To my surprise, I discovered many of my default beliefs/behaviors - what I thought were right, true, and good - were wrong.
For example, I discovered:
• Hard work is not the secret to success, it's not even close • We need to quit watering dead plants • Fun is not a four-letter word • It's never too late to have a fresh start * Self-sacrifice serves no one • You’ve got to have a dream for a dream to come true
Many of the people I met during my travels told me they felt conflicted, torn, locked into a lifestyle that's nothing like they imagined or expected.
On one hand, they're grateful for their kids, spouse, job, etc.
On the other hand they feel they don't have the freedom to do what makes them happy. The well-meaning model of being responsible to everyone but yourself is producing a generation of unhappy, unhealthy people who are leading a life that is nothing like the one they want and deserve to lead.
It’s time to disrupt what being a “good person," what leading a "good life" looks like.
Rest assured, I am not suggesting we ignore others' needs and think only of our own. I'm suggesting we get clear about our values and priorities - and start creatimg a life that's more in alignment with that NOW, not someday.
What really matters to you – now and in the long run - is deeply personal. Only you can figure out what that is for you.
The good news is, this SERENDESTINY site (and my upcoming book Someday is Not a Day in the Week) can help you start putting yourself back in your own story.
I hope you'll come back and visit frequently. You may find just the right quote, eye-opening insight or inspiring success story to motivate you to do something TODAY that puts the light on in your eyes.
Trust me, you will never regret clarifying what puts the light on in your eyes and bringing more of that into your life; you will only regret not doing it ... sooner.
