Change Can Be Scary. You Know What's Scarier? REGRET

I'm working on my next book SOMEDAY is Not a Day of the Week and writing the chapter about WHY people stay in unhappy jobs and relationships. This is the lead quote. "CHANGE can be scary. You know what's scarier? REGRET."

What do you think?

While on my Year by the Water, I interviewed people across the United States and asked "Are you happy at work? If so, why? If not, why not? And if why not, why do you stay?"

Here are just a few of their answers. • I can’t afford to leave. (I need the paycheck. I’ve got bills, a mortgage, college.) • I’ve got people counting on me. (Kids at home. Parents with health challenges.) • I’ve worked too hard and too long to leave now. (I'm vested, I've got tenure, seniority) • Work sucks. That’s just the way it is. (“You work hard and then you die” philosophy.) • There aren’t other options. (I don’t have the right education, contacts, connections.) • This is as good as it’s going to get. (I live in a small town. I’m too young, too old.) • Change is scary. I rather stick with the status quo (the devil I know) than take a risk. • I keep hoping things will get better and I’ll get the recognition/respect I deserve. • I’d feel like a failure if I quit. I don’t want to disappoint people or let them down. • It’s selfish, irresponsible, to follow my bliss or do what I really want to do. • I plan to do what makes me happy someday when I retire, have more time, money, etc.

In my book I go into detail about why it's so important to create more meaning on and off the job now, not someday.

I'd love to hear from you.

If you know someone who feels "stuck" in their current situation, I welcome hearing about the reasons and responsibilities that are keeping them there and what they'd like to do instead.

Or, if you've successfully changed your life - for good - I'd love to hear how so others can learn from your example. What finally motivated you to change. What challenges did you face? How did you persevere through them.

With your permission, I might include your story in the book so other people can be inspired by your example. Thank you in advance for contributing your insights on this important topic.

How to Do Work You Love That Matters

"To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?" - Katherine Graham of the Washington Post Know what could be more fun? To do work you love, feel that it matters, do it with people you enjoy and respect ... and get paid for it.

Are you thinking, "I'd love to do that, I just don't know how to do that."

Well, here are some ways to make that happen. First, a story about our "calling" - and then I'll share some questions that can help you create yours - because we don't find our calling, we forge and facilitate it.

My sons grew up on Maui. Ever night we'd go for a “walk and roll” through our neighborhood. I would walk and Tom and Andrew would ride their big wheels, bikes or skateboards. One night, when Tom was about eight, we stopped to pick some plumerias off a tree and I asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

Tom paused and then pointed to the sky and said, “Something to do with up there.”

Guess what? Tom got a degree in Aerospace Engineering, Astronomy, Physics and Math from Virginia Tech (go Hokies) and landed his dream job at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, where he and his team are responsible for the environment on the ISS - International Space Station. It gets better. He met and married his future wife (who has the world's coolest job title - Astronaut Scheduler) in Mission Control.

It gives me chicken-skin (Hawaiian for goose bumps) every time I think about how Tom ended up doing exactly what he envisioned doing - when he was eight years old.

Are you thinking, "Well, good for Tom. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!"

Join the club. One way to figure out what you're "called to do" - is to take a good look at what you do when you're not working. What do you do, by choice, in your free time? What’s FUN for you? What do you look forward to and do because you want to?

Noticing what we do when we're not working can reveal our real work - the career that is calling us. That is what happened to a colleague and client, Dana Wright.

Dana always used to “noodle and doodle.” Instead of listening to her teachers, she would be filing in the margins of her workbooks and textbooks with what she was seeing in her mind’s eye. Even as an adult, she always had a pen in her hand and was sketching or drawing. It was what she did naturally.

Guess how Dana now earns her living – a good living in every sense of the word? She’s a graphic facilitator. She is the person you see at conferences and strategic retreats, listening to and facilitating the discussion while simultaneously drawing a colorful word-map/mural of what’s being said. She literally and figuratively gets everyone on the same page with her meeting art that illustrates verbals with visuals.

Dana turned her joy into her job. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could turn your joy into your job? You can. The good news is, it's not too late.

Your career calling is where meaning and money converge. You can start clarifying what that might be by answering these questions:

1 What intrigues me? What do I do that puts the light on in my eyes, fills me with joy?

2. What did I love to do growing up and wanted to do as a career but was told I "needed to get my head out of the clouds" and pursue something more practical?

3. What skills am I good at that make me feel good? (Please note: these don't have to be typical professional skills - they can be riding horses, playing the piano, gardening, etc.)

4. Who in business do I admire? I look at their career and think, "I wish I could do what they're doing."

5. Where can I provide a shortcut? Where can I expedite people's success, health or happiness? How can I save them time and money or make them time and money?

6. What don't people know how to do - that I know how to do? What aren't they good at - that I'm good at? What don't people want to do - that I actually enjoy doing?

7. What do I find meaningful, purposeful? In an ideal world, how would I like to leave a lasting legacy and make an enduring difference by contributing what I find fulfilling?

After answering these questions and clarifying what calls you, follow Pablo Picasso's advice, "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

Actually, if you want to make your joy your job, it's important to get paid for your gifts instead of giving them away for free. One way to do that is to get paid to teach what you're good at to others or to to do it for others. Turn your calling into a career by creating a quality course, product, service or business that's wrapped around your gifts.

If you do, you’ll never have to “work” another day in your life because you'll be in that sublime state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes and you’re earning a good living doing what you love most and do best.

And by the way, it's not too late to "answer your calling." You can do this at any age or stage, and you don't have to quit your current job. You can do this part-time as a "side hustle."

P.S. If you want specific ways to do that, you might want to check out my IDEApreneur book. which provides a step-by-step process for monetizing what you do well by turning it into a program, process or product people will gladly pay for.

Day Right Quote 57: You Can Love Your Job But It Won't Love You Back

A couple years ago this week I spoke for the Women in Consumer Technology conference in NYC and Cathie Black, former President of Hearst Magazines was the other keynoter. When asked her most important lesson-learned about work she said, "You can love your job but it won't love you back."

This came to mind because several people have said something to me recently about their job that caused me to think, "WHY do we do this to ourselves?"

One was flying from our afternoon meeting in one city to another city, had two presentations the next day, one at 8 am and she hadn't begun crafting her power point presentation which meant she was going to have to do it that night when she arrived on the East Coast after 10 pm or the next morning at 5 am.

One spoke about how "insanely busy" she was and that it was going to get worse before it got better because September was going to be a "brutal month."

The other had gotten sick six times in four months (she said, "How is that possible?!) and realized it was a wake-up call as to how toxic her work had become.

So, the question is, "Do you love your job?" At what cost?

Can you love your career AND maintain your quality of life?

How will you love your job AND make time for other priorities you love that love you back - like your friends, your family, your health and your __________ fill in the blank?

Day Right Quote #29: You Can Fail At What You Don't Want; So You Might As Well Take a Chance Doing What You LOVE

Have you seen Jim Carrey's commencement speech for Maharishi University of Management? In it, he talks about his dad always wanting to be a comedian, but instead he took a SAFE job as an accountant to be "responsible" and support his family.

Then, his dad got let go and their family fell into financial hard times.

Jim's lesson from that?

"You can fail at what you DON'T want; so you might as well take a chance on doing what you LOVE."

Do you know someone who is making a career choice? Have they been told it's unrealistic to expect to make a living doing work they love? Are they about to make a "safe, responsible" decision to take a job that will pay the bills but that will kill the light in their eyes?

Share Jim Carrey's quote with them. They will never regret betting on themselves and choosing to do work they're good at that adds value and that lights them up.

Has My Career Become an Aircraft Carrier?

 I had the pleasure of sharing my "What's Your Legacy Message?" workshop with ‪#‎CAM‬ - Conversation Among Masters - last week in Las Vegas.

This is a unique group of the world's top master coaches who have the tangible joy of doing work they love that matters.

The thing is, many have been doing this type of work for 20-30 years.

What can we do NEXT when we really like where we are?  How can we evolve and move forward in fresh, perhaps even more meaningful, ways instead of doing what we've always done?

Many participants came up after my workshop to tell me my "aircraft carrier" metaphor really resonated with them.

One said, "I never saw my career as an aircraft carrier. Now that I do, I see how easy it would be to just keep steaming along in the same direction unless I choose to do things differently."

I shared with the group that a Navy pilot who used to fly off aircraft carriers told me something about them I've never forgotten.

"Do you know how you STOP an aircraft carrier? You DON'T. You can turn off the engines, but it keeps going for miles because of its mass and momentum. Even if you put the engines in FULL REVERSE, it takes up to 4 miles to come to a complete halt. Just to TURN an aircraft carrier can take up to 10 miles."

I shared that one of the reasons I decided to take off on my YEAR BY THE WATER adventure is because I realized my life/work had become an aircraft carrier, A GOOD one, but still, an aircraft carrier.

I'd lived in the same area for 14 years. I've been speaking, writing and consulting for 25 years. I've engaged in the same hobbies/habits for 30 years.

There was nothing WRONG with my life. I was happy. I loved my family, friends, job, the people I get to work with, where I lived.

But if we agree with Jeff Bezos that it's a danger not to evolve ...

If we agree with Helen Keller that life is abundant and supposed to be an adventure, an experiment ...

And I do ...

Then it was time to jump off the carrier and do something different.

It's a big ocean out there and I was only seeing/experiencing part of it.

In our program, I shared many reasons people DON'T get off their aircraft carriers. Responsibilities. Obligations. People depending on them. Fear. Bills to pay. Perceived lack of money or education. The default of habits. The anchor of the status quo.

Some of us simply don't know what to do next and we're not about to abandon a "sure thing" for the uncertain.

We addressed those "barriers to exit," and I shared inspiring success stories of people who overcame their initial "failure to launch."

I shared that one barrier that's come up for me, and that seems to be an issue for many people, is that jumping off an aircraft carrier can come across as "selfish" when we have others relying on us.

Such is the case for George R.R. Martin. Yes, the author of the incredibly successful Game of Thrones series.

I read a startling excerpt from a Daily Mash interview where GRRM (as he's called in the biz) said,

“I was a hundred thousand words into Winds of Winter. I’ve got armies in one continent, zombies in another, dragons burning things all over the place and numerous uninteresting sub-plots involving minor noblemen whose names I cannot currently recall. It is, by anyone’s reckoning, a ... nightmare.

I was looking at several more months of inhumanly hard graft and even then everyone is bound to slag it off as ‘unsatisfying’.

Meanwhile it is a lovely day outside and I am an older man with more money than I can possibly ever spend.

You tell me why I should finish this? It’s an honest question. Someone else can do it if they like, I’m cool with that.”

WOW. George R. R. Martin is seriously considering JUMPING SHIP.

As you can imagine, his publisher, HBO and millions of fans are pressuring him not to. They want, need, expect him to continue producing the books they love.

The question is, "WHOSE LIFE IS IT ANYWAY?"

After dedicating decades of his life to creating a series that has delighted people around the world and made millions of dollars - for him and others - does he have the RIGHT to do what HE wants at this stage of his career and life?  To put his commitments aside and enjoy the lovely day outside?

Who is he beholden to? His fans and followers? Or himself?

How about you?

Has your life and career become an aircraft carrier? A successful aircraft carrier? Will you keep steaming along because lots of people are counting on you to keep doing what you're doing? At what cost?

Do you have the right to do what YOU want? Is that selfish? Whose life is it, anyway?

Even if your life and career are headed in good directions, are they the SAME directions they've been going in for decades?

Is it time to evolve, to explore other areas of the ocean you haven't yet seen?

There are options of course.

Maybe we don't have to jump off the carrier. Maybe we just fly off the carrier now and then to take side trips. Maybe we can turn the carrier in new directions, explore different parts of the ocean, stop in new ports.

What are your thoughts about this?

Don't Wait for Work You Love

"We don't FIND our calling - we create it." - Sam Horn, CEO of the INTRIGUE Agency and author of IDEApreneur People talk about finding their calling … as if it exists out there somewhere, intact, and all they have to do is look long enough and EUREKA, there it will be, hiding behind a tree.

I think our calling - doing work we love that matters - emerges from doing and pursuing things that matter to us.  It is a result of turning our passion into our profession and our joy into our job.

As former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner said, "I've had a good life and it's because I stayed busy doing things that mattered to me."

Some people tell me they wish they could turn their joy into their job and do work they love. 

I tell them, "Stop waiting and start creating. They often push back with, "I agree with that in theory, but HOW do I do it in practice?"

I share the backstory of how I got into this career when I didn't even know it was a career. I am doing work I didn’t even know existed when I was in college. There was no major in this. No degree in it.  No newspaper ads featuring this as a job description.  There was no map, no instructions, no directions.

I just navigated my way to my ideal work/life by honoring The Four I’s – Instincts, Interests, Integrity, Lights on IN our Eyes – which are our Career Compass.

The work I'm doing is an accumulation of intuitive steps I took along the way.  When I didn’t know what to do, I checked in with my Four I’s and they  pointed me in the right direction.

Here's what I mean. When I speak for organizations, people often come up afterwards and say some version of this: “It looks like you really enjoy what you do. I wish I could do work I loved. How'd you get started in this?”

Here’s how I got started creating my ideal career  ... and how you can too.

Years ago, I was reading The Washington Post and noticed that the word “concentration” was used six times on the front page of the sports section.

Tennis player Chris Evert said her ability to concentrate and stay focused despite the planes flying overhead was why she’d been able to win the U.S. Open.

A golfer who missed a gimme putt on a sudden death playoff hole said he’d lost his concentration because of the clicking cameras of nearby photographers.

A baseball manager blamed his team’s 7-game losing streak on the fact that players were thinking ahead to the playoffs instead of concentrating on that day’s game.

I was intrigued. (I’ve since come to understand that when we’re intrigued, opportunity is knocking on our heart.)

I thought, “We all wish we could concentrate better but no one ever teaches us how. Concentration is key to just about everything – success in business, relationships, sports and life – but I’ve never seen any books on this topic. I’ve never heard any speakers on this subject. And it matters.”

This topic interested me. I felt it was an important personal and professional skill that would benefit people, so it was in alignment with my integrity. And myinstincts were telling me there was a commercial need for this and people would pay to learn how to do it better.

So, I decided to do a deep dive into the topic of concentration, focus and flow.   I  interviewed athletes, artists, executives, inventors, entrepreneurs and “everyday people” to glean their insights and examples.  Sample questions included:

1.  How did you learn to concentrate?

2. What do you do to stay focused even when you’re busy, distracted or tired?

3. How do you motivate yourself to focus when you don’t feel like it?

4. How do you regain your concentration if you lose it?

5. Do you have any special techniques you use to set up flow and to s-t-r-e-t-c-h your attention span?”

Based on my research; I developed a step-by-step approach on how to pay attention - no matter what - and offered it for Wash DC’s Open University.

At the end of the program, several people came up to ask if I would speak for their conference or company.

That one workshop launched a rewarding career that has taken me around the world and given me blessed opportunities to do work I love that matters with people I enjoy and respect. It even resulted in a book called ConZentrate that’s been featured on Diane Rehm’s popular NPR show, taught at NASA and endorsed by Stephen Covey and Dr. Ed Hallowell ( a leading expert on A.D.D.)

What’s this got to do with you? Would you like to do work that matters to you and to others?  Just ask yourself:

1. What do I find Intriguing?  What interests me? 2. What is something that calls to me  that I think is in Integrity because it would benefit people and add value for them? 3. What is a problem, need or opportunity that has caught my attention and myInstincts are telling me, ‘Somebody should DO something about that?” 4. What puts the light on In my eyes when I'm doing it?

Please understand …you’re as much a somebody as anybody.  Why don’t you do something about it?

Choosing to pursue opportunities that are alignment with your Four I’s can catalyze a life of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes.

From now on, remember, work we love is not out there waiting.  It’s a result of us creating. Pay attention to what honors your Instincts, Interests and Integrity, and Lights on IN the eyes.  

Then,  get busy doing and pursuing what matters to you. What lights you up is your GIFT and gifting that back to the world by getting paid to teach it TO people or do it FOR people is one of the quickest paths to a meaningful career where you earn a good living doing work you love that matter.

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Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, TEDx speaker, author of IDEApreneur, Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? – feels fortunate to do work she loves, speaking for National Geographic, Boeing, Cisco, Capital One, writing books that add value, and helping consulting clients craft quality projects that scale their impact – for good. Want Sam to speak at your next conference? Email Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com for details.

How to To Turn Your Joy into Your Job - Your Passion into Your Profession

"Working hard for something you hate is called stress. Working hard for something you love is called passion." - Simon Sinek Were you crystal clear about what you wanted to do when you were growing up … or are you still trying to figure that out? 

Are you working hard at something you hate - or for something you love?

My sons Tom and Andrew grew up on Maui. Our family ritual was to head out for a "walk and roll" through our neighborhood every night. I would walk and they would ride their big wheels, bikes or skateboards.

One night when Tom was about eight, I asked him, "What do you want to do - who do you want to be - when you grow up?"

Tom thought about it for a moment and then pointed to the sky and said, "Something to do with up there."

From an early age, Tom read Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury and Orson Scott Card.  He loved sci-fi novels about space exploration.

Guess what Tom ended up doing?? Working for NASA in Mission Control at Johnson Space Center in Houston with the ISS (International Space Station).

This story gets better. Guess who Tom met while working in Mission Control? His now wife Patty, who had the coolest job title - Astronaut Scheduler.

Guess who now is in Boulder working for Sierra Nevada on the Dream Chaser - and Patty is working with satellites for LASP in Boulder, Colorado? Guess who has a couple of little astronauts toddling around the house?

All because they had clarity about what they wanted to do and made it happen. It gives me chicken-skin (Hawaiian for goose bumps) every time I think about it.

For many of us though, clarity about what we wanted to do didn't show up when we were growing up. For many of us, it crystallized over time from a series of trial-and-error experiences.  No to this. Yes to this. Maybe to this.

We noticed that when we did this type of work or collaborated with these type of individuals, it resonated, it felt right. We felt meaningfully productive. That activity was a match for who we are at our core. It's in alignment with what we're good at, what matters to us.

Are you still not clear what that is for you?

You can get closer to it by taking a second look at what you do by choice, in your free time? What do you do - voluntarily - when you're not working?  What's FUN for you?

Noticing this, and understanding that what we do when we procrastinate can reveal work we'd rather be doing, is what happened to a colleague, Dana Wright.

Dana always used to “noodle and doodle.”  In class, instead of listening to her teacher, she would let her imagination run free. Instead of doing her assignments, she’d fill the margins with what she was seeing in her mind’s eye. Even as an adult, she always had a pen in her hand and was taking notes or drawing.  It was what she did naturally.

Guess how Dana now earns her living – a good living – in every sense of the word?

She’s a graphic facilitator. She is the person you see at conferences and strategic retreats, facilitating the discussion while simultaneously drawing a colorful, visual word-map/mural of what’s happening in the room.  She literally and figuratively gets everyone on the same page with her meeting art.

Dana loves her work – and it loves her. She turned her joy into her job.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could turn your joy into your job?   Ask yourself these questions:

1  What do I do when I'm supposed to be doing something else?

2. What am I'm drawn to do when I'm supposed to be doing my “real” job?

3.  What do I do in my free time that resonates, feels right, puts the light on in my eyes, fills me with joy?

4.  What am I good at that makes me feel good?

Once you identify what that is, get creative about how you could get paid to teach that to others  - or do that for others.

Another way to crstallize work you love that puts the light on in your eyes is to leverage your Four I's. The Four I's can be your Career Compass in developing a meaningful career. Here's how you can Create Work You Love

If you leverage your Four Ii's, you’ll never have to “work” another day in your life because you’ll be in that sublime state of SerenDestiny where you’re earning a good living doing what you love most and do best with people you enjoy, respect and trust ... and getting paid for it.

Does it get better than that??

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P.S. Want more ways to turn your passion into a profession? Check out my IDEApreneur book. It shares exactly what I've done over the past 25 years to be a successful entrepreneur who's traveled the world, getting paid to speak, write, coach and help others turn their joy into their job.

You're also welcome to check out this post which has more tips on how to integrate our passions into our profession so we're doing what's called "job crafting."