Leo Tolstoy said, "Everyone thinks of changing the world. No one thinks of changing himself." We can choose to disrupt this.
All we have to do is GO FIRST.
Every time we want someone or something to change, we set the precedent by altering the way we treat that person or approach that situation.
Change begins at home.
"To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?" - Katherine Graham of the Washington Post Know what could be more fun? To do work you love, feel that it matters, do it with people you enjoy and respect ... and get paid for it.
Are you thinking, "I'd love to do that, I just don't know how to do that."
Well, here are some ways to make that happen. First, a story about our "calling" - and then I'll share some questions that can help you create yours - because we don't find our calling, we forge and facilitate it.
My sons grew up on Maui. Ever night we'd go for a “walk and roll” through our neighborhood. I would walk and Tom and Andrew would ride their big wheels, bikes or skateboards. One night, when Tom was about eight, we stopped to pick some plumerias off a tree and I asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”
Tom paused and then pointed to the sky and said, “Something to do with up there.”
Guess what? Tom got a degree in Aerospace Engineering, Astronomy, Physics and Math from Virginia Tech (go Hokies) and landed his dream job at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, where he and his team are responsible for the environment on the ISS - International Space Station. It gets better. He met and married his future wife (who has the world's coolest job title - Astronaut Scheduler) in Mission Control.
It gives me chicken-skin (Hawaiian for goose bumps) every time I think about how Tom ended up doing exactly what he envisioned doing - when he was eight years old.
Are you thinking, "Well, good for Tom. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!"
Join the club. One way to figure out what you're "called to do" - is to take a good look at what you do when you're not working. What do you do, by choice, in your free time? What’s FUN for you? What do you look forward to and do because you want to?
Noticing what we do when we're not working can reveal our real work - the career that is calling us. That is what happened to a colleague and client, Dana Wright.
Dana always used to “noodle and doodle.” Instead of listening to her teachers, she would be filing in the margins of her workbooks and textbooks with what she was seeing in her mind’s eye. Even as an adult, she always had a pen in her hand and was sketching or drawing. It was what she did naturally.
Guess how Dana now earns her living – a good living in every sense of the word? She’s a graphic facilitator. She is the person you see at conferences and strategic retreats, listening to and facilitating the discussion while simultaneously drawing a colorful word-map/mural of what’s being said. She literally and figuratively gets everyone on the same page with her meeting art that illustrates verbals with visuals.
Dana turned her joy into her job. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could turn your joy into your job? You can. The good news is, it's not too late.
Your career calling is where meaning and money converge. You can start clarifying what that might be by answering these questions:
1 What intrigues me? What do I do that puts the light on in my eyes, fills me with joy?
2. What did I love to do growing up and wanted to do as a career but was told I "needed to get my head out of the clouds" and pursue something more practical?
3. What skills am I good at that make me feel good? (Please note: these don't have to be typical professional skills - they can be riding horses, playing the piano, gardening, etc.)
4. Who in business do I admire? I look at their career and think, "I wish I could do what they're doing."
5. Where can I provide a shortcut? Where can I expedite people's success, health or happiness? How can I save them time and money or make them time and money?
6. What don't people know how to do - that I know how to do? What aren't they good at - that I'm good at? What don't people want to do - that I actually enjoy doing?
7. What do I find meaningful, purposeful? In an ideal world, how would I like to leave a lasting legacy and make an enduring difference by contributing what I find fulfilling?
After answering these questions and clarifying what calls you, follow Pablo Picasso's advice, "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."
Actually, if you want to make your joy your job, it's important to get paid for your gifts instead of giving them away for free. One way to do that is to get paid to teach what you're good at to others or to to do it for others. Turn your calling into a career by creating a quality course, product, service or business that's wrapped around your gifts.
If you do, you’ll never have to “work” another day in your life because you'll be in that sublime state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes and you’re earning a good living doing what you love most and do best.
And by the way, it's not too late to "answer your calling." You can do this at any age or stage, and you don't have to quit your current job. You can do this part-time as a "side hustle."
P.S. If you want specific ways to do that, you might want to check out my IDEApreneur book. which provides a step-by-step process for monetizing what you do well by turning it into a program, process or product people will gladly pay for.
A couple years ago this week I spoke for the Women in Consumer Technology conference in NYC and Cathie Black, former President of Hearst Magazines was the other keynoter. When asked her most important lesson-learned about work she said, "You can love your job but it won't love you back."
This came to mind because several people have said something to me recently about their job that caused me to think, "WHY do we do this to ourselves?"
One was flying from our afternoon meeting in one city to another city, had two presentations the next day, one at 8 am and she hadn't begun crafting her power point presentation which meant she was going to have to do it that night when she arrived on the East Coast after 10 pm or the next morning at 5 am.
One spoke about how "insanely busy" she was and that it was going to get worse before it got better because September was going to be a "brutal month."
The other had gotten sick six times in four months (she said, "How is that possible?!) and realized it was a wake-up call as to how toxic her work had become.
So, the question is, "Do you love your job?" At what cost?
Can you love your career AND maintain your quality of life?
How will you love your job AND make time for other priorities you love that love you back - like your friends, your family, your health and your __________ fill in the blank?
I’m working on a chapter in my new book – Chase Meaning Not Clicks – about the futility of people-pleasing. One of the unexpected themes from my Year by the Water was how many people are taking themselves out of the game of life. They are neglecting their own needs and taking care of everyone BUT themselves. These are good people who are putting aside their own priorities because they have “responsibilities” to take care of.
I believe it’s important to be responsible; to think of others, to care for others.
I also believe that, taken to an extreme, trying to make everyone happy can become our Achilles Hell. (Not a typo). Self-sacrifice doesn’t serve anyone.
Please understand, I’m not suggesting we think only of ourselves and what we want. That is an equally unhealthy extreme.
But putting everyone else first - every time, all the time - is a prescription for regrets.
This insight “Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not chocolate” (or pasta, or pizza, take your pick) makes the point with humor.
Trying to make everyone happy makes no one happy. (This post shows an example of how I learned this.)
Are you a team leader, parent, project manager, caretaker, writer or creative? Are you trying to make everyone happy? As Dr. Phil says, "How's that working for you?"
Put yourself in the mix. You have value. You have your own voice, talents, contributions, experience, expertise, perspective and unique take on the world.
It is FAIR and NEEDED for you to honor and contribute your own abilities, insights and gifts. This is true on and off the job – at work, at home and in your community.
We serve best when we serve others AND our self. The goal is to keep things in balance, always in balance.
When I present SerenDestiny programs, people often ask, "Isn't it selfish to do what you really want?" I tell them, "it is if you exclude everyone else's needs and priorities.
But many of us are doing the opposite of that.
We're honoring everyone else's needs and priorities and ignoring our own."
As Rumi said, "Don't you know yet? Is is YOUR light that lights the world.
This is probably one of the most important lessons-learned from my Year by the Water ... It is not selfish to put ourselves in our own story, it's smart.
It is not an indulgence to do what puts the light on in your eyes and fills you with joy - it is an example that inspires others to do the same.
In fact, here's how I learned that lesson.
Hope it inspires you to shine your light on and in the world.
Wisdom from the Pope, "The future starts today, not tomorrow." He's right.
We talk about what we're GOING to do tomorrow or next month when we're not so tired, busy or overwhelmed.
Meanwhile, our life whizzes by.
The truth is, we'll never have more time than we have right #now.
As John Legend says, "The future started yesterday and we're already late."
What will you do today to kick-start the future of your dreams?
When my sons headed off to college, (Yay Virginia Tech), we had 'dah talk." You know the one I'm talking about; where you try to distill everything you've learned into a couple pieces of advice?
One of the "What I know for sure's" I shared with Tom and Andrew was, "If you're ever frustrated sad, confused or in need of a pick-me-up, get out in Mother Nature.
She will fill you with perspective and remind you of what's right in the world."
I was in an exploratory mood yesterday so Googled "park near me?" Minutes later, she directed me to this incredibly inspiring Twin Lakes walking trail. Isn't it glorious?
William Shakespeare was right.
The earth does have music for those who listen and see and appreciate her abundance.
I am in harmony every single time I'm fortunate enough to be in her presence. How about you?
"There is a voice that speaks without words. Listen." - Rumi I re-read my Year by the Water manifesto that was downloaded to me while driving along California's Pacific Coast Highway. And I'm reminded that my original plan was to not plan every minute of every day. I had promised to do the "opposite of my always" and cooperate with what wanted to happen instead of control it.
Hmm. I'm in Tampa and I'm supposed to take an overnight train to Savannah where I'll be speaking in a few days.
However, a little voice whispers in my year, "You don't have to take the train. There are no options on trains. If you see something intriguing, too bad, so sad. You don’t have freedom to get off and explore it. You just whiz on by. Why not drive?"
Sounds good. I cancel the train and start driving. Instead of locking myself into a hotel reservation for that night, I decide to make it up as I go and respond to whatever catches my interest.
I check the map to see what's ahead. Wow. Marineland, the world’s first oceanarium and the first in the United States to offer a dolphin encounter, is 89 miles away in St. Augustine. I've always wanted to swim with dolphins. Here's my chance. I call and ask, "Any openings for this afternoon?"
They do, which is how a couple hours later, I find myself swimming with Zach The Dolphin. What a thrill to get in the water, meet Zach face to face, stroke his rubbery skin and look him in the eye.
There's only three of us in our group so our guide turns it into a mini-training session. She asks, “Would you like to give Zach a command?”
"Would I like to give Zach a command?!"
She tells me, “Point your finger to the sky.”
I do as she says. Zach stands on his tail and zooms across the pool.
He swims back for his fish treat and waits, eyes bright, for what's next.
The trainer says, “This time, circle your finger three times."
I point my finger to the sky and twirl it three times. Zach takes off, dives deep,then LEAPS out of the water into a triple back flip.
I can't help myself. I thrust both arms into the air in an exultant Y (think Y-M-C-A.)
The unexpectedness of it all fills me with joy. I didn't even know Zach existed a few hours before!
This never would have happened if I'd locked myself into a pre-determined destination that would have put blinkers on my day. This delightful discovery happened because I honored my instincts and left room for whims.
What is a whim? It's a "Sudden desire or change of mind, especially one that is unusual, unexplained."
I believe whims are more than a sudden change of mind. They may seem "out of the blue," but I believe these serendipitous experiences happen for a reason. They are our best future meeting us halfway.
Here's what I mean. I saw security consultant Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, interviewed on TV. He told the reporter he learned something profound after debriefing people who had been assaulted or kidnapped. His first question to them was, "Did you have any warning?"
Guess what they all said? "I knew something was wrong." Their gut told them they were in danger, but they let their intellect over-ride their instincts. They looked around and thought, "It's broad daylight. I'm in an armored car. I'm being silly." They discounted their sixth sense.
I think a lot of us discount our sixth sense. We honor our intellect instead of our instincts. We get these intuitive nudges, these alerts, but we ignore them. Or we get whims, but we're too busy to follow up on them.
My epiphany was, "If we have instincts that alert us when something's about to go WRONG; don't we also have instincts that alert us when something's about to go RIGHT?"
If we have a sixth sense that alerts us to DISSONANCE (something to avoid, run from) doesn't it also alert us to RESONANCE (something to approach, head towards)?
I've come to believe that when something catches our attention - for better or for worse - we need to pay attention. If our gut instincts are telling us this situation is toxic, head the other direction. If our gut instincts are telling us this is a congruent opportunity, head toward it.
Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favors the prepared mind." I believe chance favors the aligned mind. I have learned, that is I get a whim that's in alignment with my instincts and interests, I should carve out time to pursue it. Every time I do, I am delighted with a congruent discovery I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.
Whims aren't an accident. They are not simply a coincidence, blind luck or serendipity. The universe is showing off. It is working overtime to connect you with someone or something that will enhance your life. Whims are your best future meeting you halfway.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "If prayer is you talking to God, intuition is God talking to you."
Do you honor your instincts? Your sixth sense? Do you listen to the voice that doesn't use words - or you over-rule your intuition with your intellect, logic or reason? Do you ignore whims or promise yourself you'll follow up on them "later?"
These aligned opportunities won't be there later. They are a sublime confluence of you being in the right place at the right time, right here, right now.
Ram Dass says, "Our plans never turn out as TASTY as reality."
Agreed.
From now on, choose to partner with life instead of trying to plan every minute of it.
Act on your instincts. Listen to the whims. Understand nudges, whims and instincts are trying to do you a favor. They have your best interests at heart. Honor them.
