What if Your Day Job WAS Your Dream Job?

I was telling a colleague that bringing our whole self to work isn’t a fantasy; it can be a reality. She wasn't too sure about this and asked, “How so?” "I don’t think we have to silo our passion and profession. We can blend our work and recreation so we have the best of both worlds and our day job becomes our dream job.

She still wasn't too sure about this. She asked, What’s an example?”

“I will always remember a woman who took my workshop at San Francisco State University. We were discussing how our life-work satisfaction is directly proportionate to whether we feel our contributions at work are being rewarded and recognized. It’s hard to like our job if we feel our skills, talents and efforts are going unnoticed and unappreciated.

A twenty-something woman raised her hand and said, “I’m in trouble then because I’m really unhappy at work. I work for a law firm downtown. I’m one of twenty paralegals. We work sixty hours a week but we’re mostly anonymous. I don’t even think my boss knows my name. He probably wouldn’t recognize me if he ran into me on the street.”

“Okay, time to get proactive. Congresswoman Barbara Jordan said, ‘Anyone who waits for recognition is criminally naïve.’ It’s time to take responsibility to raise your profile at work.”

“I agree with that. I just don't know how to do it."

“The way to enjoy and look forward to your work is to ask yourself:

* What is a talent, skill or hobby I’m good at?

* What is something I enjoy doing? (Please note: it doesn’t have to be work-related)

* What would I do more of if I had the time, energy and resources?

* What did I used to do for fun that put the light on in my eyes?”

She thought about it for a moment and then said, “Well, I was Student Body President at my high school. I loved being in charge of activities, so I guess I’m good at organizing events.”

“Okay. Combine that with something you enjoy. What do you like doing in your free time?”

“Well, I used to enjoy reading books, but I don't have time for that anymore.”

“Bingo. Why don’t you host a monthly book club at your firm? Is there an empty conference room you could use at noon? Keep it to a half hour and make it BYOL (Bring Your Own Lunch) so even the busiest staffers can attend. If you focus on business books, your company will see this as a win for them and will be more likely to approve it.”

She loved the idea. Several months later, she got back in touch to report in.

"Work has turned into my own private Cheers – everyone knows my name. When I proposed this to my boss, he asked what books we would be reading. I followed your suggestion and had selected business classics like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Deborah Tannen’s Talking from 9 to 5.

“Not only did he approve the program, he said our law firm had a budget for professional development and offered to purchase up to 30 books a month for book club attendees.

Four employees showed up for our first meeting. I wondered if it was going to succeed. But everyone promised to bring a coworker next time. They did more than that; they brought two and three. Now, we max out the conference room every month.”

“Kudos to you for initiating this and for proving we can bring our whole self to work."

She said, “It gets better. My boss called me in to his office. I was afraid it was to cancel the program, but it was just the opposite. He gave me a promotion and said, 'We need more self-starters around here. You demonstrated that you’re a natural leader who can create a community and add value to our work culture. You earned this.'

Best of all, I feel like I’m my old self again. I’m organizing activities people really enjoy and I get to use my event-planning skills. Who knows where it will lead?”

Good for her.

How about you? Would you like to look forward to going to work?

Would you like to boost your professional confidence and create a higher profile so your talents, efforts and contributions at work get noticed and appreciated?

Ask yourself, “What am I good at that I enjoy ? What did I used to do that put the light on in my eyes? What do I wish I could do more of? How could I initiate that at work?”

For example, maybe you used to walk but don’t have time for it anymore. Maybe you could propose to your office manager that you lead a walking group at lunch. There are probably co-workers who would welcome the opportunity to get outside for a walk-talk (after all, sitting is the new cigarette smoking). Plus, it will boost morale and create a workplace camaraderie where employees get to know each other beyond their job descriptions.

Furthermore, you’ll be taking your career satisfaction and success into your own hands.

Don’t just think about this. DO IT.

This time next year you could enjoy your job and look forward going to work – all because you initiated on your behalf and turned your day job into your dream job.

- - -

Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu!, IDEApreneur and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? have been featured in NY Times and presented to YPO, Boeing, Intel, NASA, Cisco, Capital One, Nationwide. Want Sam to share her inspiring keynote with your group? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com.

We're Never Too OLD for NEW Dreams

Many people I interviewed during my Year by the Water told me, rather wistfully, that they hoped, planned, dreamed of doing something similar … someday. When I asked why they weren’t doing it now, they gave a lot of reasons including that they felt they were "too old" and had "missed their chance."

Too old? Missed their chance?

I shared my belief that we’re never too old – or too young - to make our dreams come true. Several people were skeptical so I shared two of my favorite stories:

I was in Aptos, CA wrapping up my SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week manuscript to turn in to my publisher St. Martin’s Press.

After a couple of rainy days, the sun came out which meant it was time to get up, get outside, and get moving.

I was walking through Seacliff State Park when two women popped out of their RV and asked me to take a picture of them. “Sure,” I said with a smile, “if you tell me your story.”

Which is how I learned that Sheila had told her friend yesterday, “It’s time to take a break.” June resisted but Sheila persisted. She was even wearing a sweatshirt that said, “Nevertheless, she persisted.”

They hitched up their trailer, told their families they’d be back in a couple days, and drove from their home in central California, a couple hours away.

I asked, “What gave you such clarity about not waiting for someday to do what was calling you?”

Sheila said, “I’m an insurance agent. One of my older clients retired last year and bought the huge, fancy Winnebago of his dreams. He drove it to my office to show it to me and to add it to his account. I watched out the window as it took him about twenty minutes to park the darn thing and get out of it. He’s in his late sixties and doesn’t move very well anymore.

He came in, slammed the door, slumped down in a chair and said, ‘I waited too damn long, and now I’m too old to enjoy it.’” She shook her head and said, “‘I’ll never forget that.”

June chimed in, “We’ve taken our kids everywhere - Hawaii, Disneyland, the Grand Canyon. We want to make memories with our kids before they don’t want to spend time with us.”

I asked if I could share their story because they’re such inspiring examples of why NOT to wait until later to do what’s important to us. Later may be too late.

You may be thinking, “I agree with this in theory, but you don’t understand my circumstances.”

You’re right, I don’t. Here’s what I suggest though. Next time you see an arts and crafts show in your area, GO.

Why? They are full of “real-life” people who are walking-talking proof that we're never too old to make our dream come true. Here’s what I mean.

I was traveling through the South. I checked into my hotel on the Savannah Harbor, discovered the Springtime Craft Show was being held at the convention center next door, and went to check it out.

My first stop was at the booth of Toffee to Go. Lisa Schalk, former stay-at-home mom, told me that several years before, she had cooked up home-made white chocolate/macadamia nut toffee to give as Christmas presents to friends and family. They loved her innovative flavors and begged her to make more. She started going to weekend arts/crafts fairs where her toffee kept selling out. She told her husband Jim, a hospitality executive, “I think we’ve really got something here.”

He told me, “I thought people were just being ‘nice,’ until I went with her one weekend and witnessed for myself everyone’s enthusiastic response. People had driven from hours away to buy her toffee in person. We bet on ourselves. I quit my job and we went all in, full-time.”

Fast forward. They just bought a 16,000 foot warehouse, were featured in O’s Christmas issue, and have corporate clients around the country. “People tell us, ‘Oh, you’re so lucky Oprah’s Favorite Things found you.” She smiled, “Luck is a lot of 2 a.m. nights, but it’s worth it.”

I discovered the “Pretty Darn Good Salsa” couple in the next aisle. They created their own special blend with beans, corn, cilantro and secret ingredients for a Super Bowl party. Everyone loved it. They started making bigger batches. After retiring (he was a school teacher for decades), they now hit the road every weekend. He says, “It may be 8 degrees back home, but we know we’ll be in Florida that weekend, visiting our daughter, meeting all kinds of interesting people and hearing their stories, while paying for our retirement. It's the best of all worlds.”

Next I was drawn to a booth featuring wearable art. The proprietor Lynn Shore, told me, “My grandmother, who had the patience of Job, taught me to knit when I was eight. I started hand-crafting gifts for friends and realized, “This isn’t just a hobby; it’s a business.”

When I asked, “What do you like best about these festivals?” Lynn thought about it and then gave a profound answer, “I am inspired by the creativity of humanity. It is a blessing to be here.”

What is the moral of these stories? None of these business owners studied these careers at college. None of them could have predicted they would turn their passion into a profitable and meaningful profession. However, all of them are grateful to have “encore careers” where they’re doing work they love that puts the light on in their eyes and puts money in their bank account.

John Barrymore said, “A man does not become old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

Please don’t let take regrets take the place of your dreams. Please don’t wait until it’s too late.

Get clear on your dream. Ask yourself, “What could add meaning to my life? What am I good at, what do I love to do, that people would pay for? How could I turn my purpose and passion into a profitable profession? How could I craft - or cook up - an encore career where I have the best of all worlds?"

Then get creative and set it in motion today … not someday.

- - -

Sam Horn - CEO of the Intrigue Agency and TEDx speaker - is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her work has been featured in NY Times and taught to NASA, Intel, Boeing, Accenture. Want Sam to share her keynote with your group? Contact Cheri@intrigueAgency.com

Want more ways to turn your passion into your profession? Check out Sam's book IDEApreneur.

I Am a Woman. What's Your SuperPower?

Did you know International Women's Day is today, March 8th? Who is a woman you will you reach out to today to say "Thank you" for your support, wisdom, advice, encouragement, leadHership, mentoring?

How will you celebrate this day in your organization?

You are welcome to use this article at a staff meeting as a conversation-starter for how women have made a positive difference for you - and how they can give and get the recognition and respect they want, need and deserve on and off the job.

I was speaking for a Silicon Valley company and interviewed one of their executives to get his input on what I could cover to make our LeadHership workshop maximally useful. He shared a story about how, in his opinion, some women don't help themselves when it comes to career advancement.

I asked, “What do you mean?”

He said, “Last year, we opened an office in Paris. A woman in my department had lived in France as a foreign exchange student, speaks fluent French and is still in touch with her host family. I thought she'd make an excellent addition to our team there so I recommended her when we discussed possible staff selections.

The other executives at the table just looked at me with puzzled expressions. No one knew who I was talking about. I went to bat for her and tried to explain why I thought she could help us ramp up this new location.

One of my colleagues finally recognized her name. He said, “Okay, I know who you’re talking about now. She sits in on some of my meetings. But she never says anything.’

She ended up NOT getting that position, and it wasn’t because she didn’t deserve it or wouldn’t have done a good job. It was because those decision-makers hadn’t personally witnessed her adding value and wouldn't take a risk on someone they didn’t know.”

I asked, “Did you talk to her about this missed opportunity?”

“I did. When I asked why she doesn't speak up in meetings, she said, ‘I tried to, but everyone just talked over me. I suggested a way to streamline one of our systems, but no one listened. In fact, a few minutes later one of the men said pretty much the same thing and everyone went, ‘Great idea!’ I finally just gave up.’

I told her, ‘Don’t you realize, if you don’t say anything at meetings, the people in the room conclude you don’t have anything to contribute?"

I shared this example during my workshop and suggested several ways to contribute at meetings so decision-makers witness us adding value and have first-hand evidence of our LeadHership abilities. Here are those six ways

Six Ways to Add Value and Get Heard, Seen and Respected in Meetings

1. Contribute at least one ACTION-oriented suggestion at every meeting. Not an opinion, an action. Instead of simply sharing what you think or feel, contribute specific pragmatic options of what can be done to move a project forward, turn an idea into reality, or achieve a company objective.

2. Don't point out what’s wrong unless you immediately follow up with how this can be corrected and done right or replaced with something more efficient and effective. In other words, become known as a problem solver, not a problem reporter.

3. Instead of deferring compliments, graciously honor them. If someone praises you, instead of saying, “It was nothing.” or “My team deserves the credit.” say “Thank you. Your feedback means a lot.” Then, add a detail, e.g., “Our goal was to exceed our sales quota this quarter, so we identified three high-profile clients, reached out and were able to turn them into new accounts.” Then, talk about an upcoming initiative so executives are aware of how you plan to continue to produce results.

4. Keep comments to two minutes or less. No one likes a windbag. Richard Branson said, “Time is the new money.” As a presentation coach, I believe time is the new TRUST. By keeping your remarks purposeful and to the point, people will always listen to what you say because you’ve proven you'll be a good use of their time and attention.

5. If someone interrupts, speak up instead of letting them talk over you. Jack Canfield says, "People treat us the way we teach them to treat us." Look at the interrupter, use his or her name, and say, “Mark, let me finish” or “Bev, one more minute and then it’s your turn.” Then, be brief, but conclude your remarks. You’re not being rude, just clear and confident that you as much right to speak as anyone else.

6. Tower, don't cower. If you tuck your head or use a tentative, high-pitched voice, people will doubt your clout. Instead of slouching, roll your shoulders up and back and sit up or stand up. Speak with a voice of authority by ending sentences with downward (not upward) inflection and project so every single person can hear every single word.

A program participant chased me down in the parking lot after that Silicon Valley workshop to thank me.

She said, “Sam, I wasn’t getting credit for my work and I was really resentful. I realize I can’t blame my boss for not giving me the recognition I deserve if I’m not giving him evidence of all the ways I’m making a difference for our clients and company.”

Her feedback reinforced the premise of my LeadHership program. It's idealistic to expect managers to know all the ways we’re contributing and to initiate on behalf of our career goals. They’ve got at lot on their plate. We're just one of their many priorities.

It’s up to us to give our decision-makers real-world evidence of our LeadHership in action. Only then will they be able to trust we're adding tangible bottom-line value because they’ve personally experienced us doing just that. Only then will we receive the projects, promotions and pay raises we want, need and deserve.

The career ball is in your court. How will you be a LeadHer at your next meeting? And how will you THANK the leadHers in your life for their support, encouragement, wisdom, LeadHership and mentorship?

– – – –

Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create a quality life-work that adds value for all involved. Her books - Tongue Fu!, POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in New York Times, Forbes, INC and on NPR. This is excerpted from Sam's LeadHership keynote which she's presented to professional women networks at Intel, Capital One, Amgen, National Geographic, CA Governors Conference for Women, and Women in Consumer Technology. Want Sam to share this your group? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com

The Woods Would Be Very Silent If No Birds Sang Except Those Who Sang Best

"The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang best." - Henry Van Dyke Have you been thinking about creating something - a song, poem, book, blog or screenplay - but worry it won't be perfect?

I talked with a woman who’s been working on her book for five years. When I asked why she hadn’t pulled the trigger on it yet, she gave a lot of reasons (she hadn't had time because she’d been busy at work, she needed to take care of her mom who had gotten sick, she’d broken up with her boyfriend, etc.)

But what it really came down to was … doubts.

Doubts the book would succeed. Doubts that all the work would be worth it. Doubts about what other people would say or think.

I told her, “Perfectionism and procrastinating kill creativity. Put a date on the calendar. Until you do, your project will never get done. You’ll just keep coming up with reasons to put it aside.”

She said, “But how will I know when it’s ready?”

“You won’t. You just need to make a decision you’re going to get it out the door. You just need to get crystal clear that you’ll always regret it if you don’t finish it.”

I added, "My favorite line from Tina Fey’s book Bossypants was when she rushing to finish a skit in her first year at SNL and Lorne Michaels told her to wrap it up.

She protested, 'But it’s not ready.'

Lorne laughed and said, 'Tina, the show doesn’t go on because it’s ready. It goes on because it’s 11:30.'”

It's time for you to pick an 11:30 for your project.

Because if you don’t, chances are your project will never get out the door.

Our bestselling authors at the Maui Writers Conference - from Frank McCourt to Carrie Fisher to Mitch Albom - didn’t agree on much, but they did agree that they'd still be working on their books if it weren’t for their publisher's deadline.

We can always tweak things. We can always make our project better.

But creative work is better DONE than PERFECT. Because if you wait for it to be perfect, it will never get done.

I’ve collected some of my favorite quotes about perfectionism, procrastination and creative work.

You might want to review these, pick a favorite and post it where you can see it every day to remind yourself that, as Henry van Dyke said, “The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang best.”

Your creative project - whether it's a book, screenplay, poem, story or song - may not be the best; but it may be just what someone needs to see, hear, be reminded of THAT DAY.

1. "Procrastination is often misspelled as perfectionism." - Pinterest post

2. "Do the best you can until you know better. When you know better, do better." - Maya Angelou

3. "Everything you want is on the other side of fear. - Jack Canfield

4. "When perfectionism is driving ... shame is always running shotgun." - Brene Brown

5. "The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you're the pilot." - Michael Altshuler

6. "Fear is boring." - Olympia Dukakis

7. "I didn't come this far to only come this far." - poster in library

8. "May your choices be based on your hopes and not your fears." - Nelson Mandela

9. "Don't tell it like it is, tell it like you want it to be." - Esther Hicks

10. "One person can make a difference and everyone should try." - John F. Kennedy

11. "You don't have to be brave to be courageous." - Sam Horn (more about that here)

12. "The only thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve is fear of failure." - Paulo Coelho

13. "Your life expands or contracts in proportion to your courage." - Anais Nin

14. "In any given moment, we have a choice is to step forward into growth or step back into safety." - Abraham Maslow

15. "I think writers are too worried it's all been said before. Sure it has, but not by you." - Asha Dornfest

16. "Thinking 'Here goes nothing' could be the start of everything." - Drew Wagner

17. "What makes you different or weird - that's your strength." - Meryl Streep

18. "What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create." - Buddha

19. "I don't think my story is over yet." - Serena Williams

20. "Working hard for something you don't care about is called stress. Working hard for something you love is called passion." - Simon Sinek

21. "You become what you believe." - Oprah Winfrey

22. "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose is to give it away. - Pablo Picasso.

23. "Here's a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't." - Lauren Bacall

24. "Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." - Kahlil Gibran

25. "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." - Anne Lamott

26. Art enables us to to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." - Thomas Merton

Yes, getting your creative work out in the world can be scary. You know what's scarier? Regret.

It's time to pick a "11:30" to finish your work and get it out in the world - no matter what

The world needs more people willing to contribute their creativity.

We need to hear your song. Express yourself. Add to the symphony of life.

SOMEDAY Quote #65: Working Hard For Something We Don't Care About is Called STRESS. Working Hard For Something We Love is Called PASSION.

Kudos to Simon Sinek for this important distinction, "Working hard for something we don't care about is called STRESS. Working hard for something we love is called PASSION." Simon's right. Working on something meaningful makes all the hard work worthwhile.

In fact, it transforms hard work into a "labor of love."

This is one of the many things I love about being a writer.

Hours can go by and I'm not even aware of the passage of time.

That, of course, is the sublime state of FLOW.

Flow is when the world fades away. when we're so immersed and absorbed in what we're doing, it becomes easy, effortless, a joy.

Athletes know what this is like.

Artists, musicians and creatives know what this is like.

Anyone who's ever been in love knows what this is like.

When are you in this state of flow?

When are you working hard, but it doesn't feel like hard work, because you're doing what you love?

One of the best ways to set up SerenDestiny is to have something we're so passionate about, we gladly invest time and effort in it because it doesn't feel like work, it feels like a joy.

What is that for you?

How to Do Work You Love That Matters

"To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?" - Katherine Graham of the Washington Post Know what could be more fun? To do work you love, feel that it matters, do it with people you enjoy and respect ... and get paid for it.

Are you thinking, "I'd love to do that, I just don't know how to do that."

Well, here are some ways to make that happen. First, a story about our "calling" - and then I'll share some questions that can help you create yours - because we don't find our calling, we forge and facilitate it.

My sons grew up on Maui. Ever night we'd go for a “walk and roll” through our neighborhood. I would walk and Tom and Andrew would ride their big wheels, bikes or skateboards. One night, when Tom was about eight, we stopped to pick some plumerias off a tree and I asked him, “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

Tom paused and then pointed to the sky and said, “Something to do with up there.”

Guess what? Tom got a degree in Aerospace Engineering, Astronomy, Physics and Math from Virginia Tech (go Hokies) and landed his dream job at NASA's Johnson Space Center in Houston, where he and his team are responsible for the environment on the ISS - International Space Station. It gets better. He met and married his future wife (who has the world's coolest job title - Astronaut Scheduler) in Mission Control.

It gives me chicken-skin (Hawaiian for goose bumps) every time I think about how Tom ended up doing exactly what he envisioned doing - when he was eight years old.

Are you thinking, "Well, good for Tom. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up!"

Join the club. One way to figure out what you're "called to do" - is to take a good look at what you do when you're not working. What do you do, by choice, in your free time? What’s FUN for you? What do you look forward to and do because you want to?

Noticing what we do when we're not working can reveal our real work - the career that is calling us. That is what happened to a colleague and client, Dana Wright.

Dana always used to “noodle and doodle.” Instead of listening to her teachers, she would be filing in the margins of her workbooks and textbooks with what she was seeing in her mind’s eye. Even as an adult, she always had a pen in her hand and was sketching or drawing. It was what she did naturally.

Guess how Dana now earns her living – a good living in every sense of the word? She’s a graphic facilitator. She is the person you see at conferences and strategic retreats, listening to and facilitating the discussion while simultaneously drawing a colorful word-map/mural of what’s being said. She literally and figuratively gets everyone on the same page with her meeting art that illustrates verbals with visuals.

Dana turned her joy into her job. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could turn your joy into your job? You can. The good news is, it's not too late.

Your career calling is where meaning and money converge. You can start clarifying what that might be by answering these questions:

1 What intrigues me? What do I do that puts the light on in my eyes, fills me with joy?

2. What did I love to do growing up and wanted to do as a career but was told I "needed to get my head out of the clouds" and pursue something more practical?

3. What skills am I good at that make me feel good? (Please note: these don't have to be typical professional skills - they can be riding horses, playing the piano, gardening, etc.)

4. Who in business do I admire? I look at their career and think, "I wish I could do what they're doing."

5. Where can I provide a shortcut? Where can I expedite people's success, health or happiness? How can I save them time and money or make them time and money?

6. What don't people know how to do - that I know how to do? What aren't they good at - that I'm good at? What don't people want to do - that I actually enjoy doing?

7. What do I find meaningful, purposeful? In an ideal world, how would I like to leave a lasting legacy and make an enduring difference by contributing what I find fulfilling?

After answering these questions and clarifying what calls you, follow Pablo Picasso's advice, "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

Actually, if you want to make your joy your job, it's important to get paid for your gifts instead of giving them away for free. One way to do that is to get paid to teach what you're good at to others or to to do it for others. Turn your calling into a career by creating a quality course, product, service or business that's wrapped around your gifts.

If you do, you’ll never have to “work” another day in your life because you'll be in that sublime state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes and you’re earning a good living doing what you love most and do best.

And by the way, it's not too late to "answer your calling." You can do this at any age or stage, and you don't have to quit your current job. You can do this part-time as a "side hustle."

P.S. If you want specific ways to do that, you might want to check out my IDEApreneur book. which provides a step-by-step process for monetizing what you do well by turning it into a program, process or product people will gladly pay for.

Day Right Quote #58: Quit Watering Dead Flowers

What a joy visiting Hawaii's famous Talk Story Bookstore, meeting owners Ed and Cynthia Justus and hearing their surprising secrets to building a successful life and business in an out-of-the-way location. Here are a few take-aways from my interview with them. The #1 Prerequisite for a Profitable Retail Business is NOT Location, Location, Location - It’s Clarity, Clarity, Clarity

Their bookstore is on the least-visited major island and in a town of less than 3000 people. Yet they have been one of Hawaii’s Top 50 Fastest-Growing businesses for the past five years. TripAdvisor says they’re THE #1 visitor destination on Kauai.

How can this be? In one word …CLARITY. Clarity is the new location. Clarity about who they are. What they want. What they don’t want. And they stay true to those priorities. Which means gently and firmly enforcing their rules.

For example, you’ve heard “There’s no crying in baseball?” Well, there are no thongs in bookstores. At least not in THEIR bookstore. The twenty-something who walked in wearing her version of an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini was asked to honor their posted sign, “No shoes, no shirt, no shorts, no service.”

The woman who told them she was going to leave her kids in the store while she went shopping across the street? Nope. “This is a bookstore, not a babysitting service.”

PAVE THE PATHS

Ed and Cynthia didn’t have a background in the book biz and didn’t plan on buying a bookstore. They visited Kauai on their honeymoon and liked it so much, they decided to take a leap of faith and stay. How did they make money from the first day they put their sign up, when they had no experience in the industry?

Ed says, “Amazon’s website taught us everything we needed to know about book-selling. Instead of us trying to figure out which books to stock and what to charge, we simply followed the favorites. Why re-create the wheel? Their site told us the most popular books in each genre and the going price for gently-used books.”

I said, “That’s brilliant. There’s an urban legend called ‘Pave the Paths’ which recommends that instead of prematurely installing sidewalks at public places (e.g., colleges and county buildings), it's smarter to wait and find out where people naturally walk and then put the sidewalks there.

That’s what you did. Instead of stocking what you hoped might sell, you 'booked the beloveds' and bought proven ever-greens that have a track record of always being in demand."

Don’t follow The Rules; Follow Your Values

For example, the “rules” say a brick and mortar store has to have a cash register, right? The problem is, cash registers lock you into one location, often in a front corner of your store. What if you have a customer in back who can’t find what they want? If there’s no one around to answer their question, they often leave and don't come back.

Ed and Cyndi don’t have a cash register; they have cash belts. Wearing a cash belt around their waist gives them freedom to wander the store and connect with their customers. While I was there, they greeted every single person who walked in the store. One was always out on the floor, asking people if they were looking for something in particular and then pointing out recommended authors in their preferred genre.

The trend of many bookstores is to offer coffee to attract customers. Well, they tried that and you know what they learned? Coffee sells coffee. Books sell books.

Another “rule” of retail businesses is you need to diversity if you want to grow. So, they added an art gallery with works from local artists. A restaurant. Book clubs. Internet service. Chairs so people could sit.

Guess what they discovered? Those extra services took lots of extra time and effort, created a lot of problems they didn't want or need ... and didn’t boost profits. In fact, Cyndi said, “We found that for every chair we took away, we added an extra $1000 of income. People who sit and read books for free for hours often walk out without buying any books."

The rules say a retail business needs an inventory system. Ed said, “Why? We mostly stock one copy of each book. Why spend a lot of time logging in and tracking single sales? Plus, we handle every purchase so we know what’s selling and what’s not.”

The Secret to Loving Your Life and Work? Stop Watering Dead Plants

As we talked, it was clear to me that one of the reasons they’ve been so successful is they QUIT doing things that didn’t work; that didn’t make money; and that didn’t bring them joy. This frees up time and money for business activities that contribute to their quality of life instead of compromise it.

They quit the belief that bigger is better. They've built and sustained a successful business because they've honored their belief, "If we don't love it; we don't do it. If it doesn't add personal and professional value, we drop it."

Chip Away Everything That is NOT David

I told them, “There’s a (perhaps apocryphal) story about Michelangelo who said, when asked how he creating his masterpiece sculpture, ‘It’s easy. I just chipped away everything that wasn’t David.’"

I smiled and said, "You have ‘David’d your business and life. You have chipped away everything that isn’t congruent with your values and vision. As a result, the light is on in your eyes and you’re successful for all the right reasons.”

So, what surprising lessons did I take away from my time with Ed and Cyndi?

* CLARIFY your values, vision, priorities and policies and STAY TRUE to them.

* Quit watering dead plants and DAVID your life and business.

* Gently and firmly ENFORCE RULES to protect what’s important to you.

When we do the above, we build a successful life, business and career where the light is on in our eyes - and things just keep getting better and better – for all the right reasons.

- - -

Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, is on a mission to help people create quality projects that add value for all involved. Her work - including her TEDx talk - and books POP!, IDEApreneur, Tongue Fu! and Got Your Attention? have been featured in NY Times, Forbes, Fast Company and presented to NASA, National Geographic, Capital One, YPO. Want Sam to share her inspiring insights on how to create a successful life and career at your next convention? Contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com

Day Right Quote 57: You Can Love Your Job But It Won't Love You Back

A couple years ago this week I spoke for the Women in Consumer Technology conference in NYC and Cathie Black, former President of Hearst Magazines was the other keynoter. When asked her most important lesson-learned about work she said, "You can love your job but it won't love you back."

This came to mind because several people have said something to me recently about their job that caused me to think, "WHY do we do this to ourselves?"

One was flying from our afternoon meeting in one city to another city, had two presentations the next day, one at 8 am and she hadn't begun crafting her power point presentation which meant she was going to have to do it that night when she arrived on the East Coast after 10 pm or the next morning at 5 am.

One spoke about how "insanely busy" she was and that it was going to get worse before it got better because September was going to be a "brutal month."

The other had gotten sick six times in four months (she said, "How is that possible?!) and realized it was a wake-up call as to how toxic her work had become.

So, the question is, "Do you love your job?" At what cost?

Can you love your career AND maintain your quality of life?

How will you love your job AND make time for other priorities you love that love you back - like your friends, your family, your health and your __________ fill in the blank?

Day Right Quote #57: The Meaning of Life is to Find Your Gift, the Purpose of Life is to Give It Away

Such wisdom from Pablo Picasso, "The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away." Have you found your gift? What is that? How are you giving it away?

A friend gave the commencement address at her alma mater. Some of the grads took the stage and with a flourish opened their gowns to reveal they were wearing t-shires underneath that said, "I DON'T KNOW."

Hah. The perfect answer for students who DON'T KNOW what they're going to do with their degree, career, life.

Many know they want to be happy. They just don't know how to do that.

The thing is, as Leo Rosten said, "The purpose of life isn't to be happy; it's to matter, to feel it has made some difference we have lived at all."

Please understand, I'm not saying it's not important to be happy. It is. It's just not WHY we're here.

We're here to make a difference - and one of the surest ways to do that is to identify our gifts and gift them back.

Are you not clear what your gifts are? Want a short-cut to finding out?

What puts the light on in your eyes? Is it singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument or sport?

Is it fixing something, growing something, building something?

Do you have a knack for words, for language, for stories?

What do people admire about you and say, "I wish I could do that" ... yet it comes "naturally, easily" to you?

What do you love to do? Look forward to with eagerness and anticipation?

What brings you joy? Makes you feel purposeful, that you're making a positive difference?

Those are all your GIFTS.

Now, figure out how you can TEACH THAT TO OTHERS or DO THAT FOR OTHERS.

Wrapping your career around your gifts is the surest way to expand your impact - for good.

Don't keep your gifts to yourself. That puts an unnecessary ceiling on their value.

Sharing your gifts is a way to set your SerenDestiny in motion.

Giving away your gifts is a way to scale your service and become wealthy in what matters.

Gifting your gifts creates a "rising tide" ripple effect where more people benefit from what you do well.

And isn't that what we all want?

P.S. If you'd like specific ways to do this, check out my book IDEApreneur.

Day Right Quote #54: Stop Trying to Make Everyone Happy. You're Not Chocolate

I’m working on a chapter in my new book – Chase Meaning Not Clicks – about the futility of people-pleasing. One of the unexpected themes from my Year by the Water was how many people are taking themselves out of the game of life. They are neglecting their own needs and taking care of everyone BUT themselves. These are good people who are putting aside their own priorities because they have “responsibilities” to take care of.

I believe it’s important to be responsible; to think of others, to care for others.

I also believe that, taken to an extreme, trying to make everyone happy can become our Achilles Hell. (Not a typo). Self-sacrifice doesn’t serve anyone.

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we think only of ourselves and what we want. That is an equally unhealthy extreme.

But putting everyone else first - every time, all the time - is a prescription for regrets.

This insight “Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not chocolate” (or pasta, or pizza, take your pick) makes the point with humor.

Trying to make everyone happy makes no one happy. (This post shows an example of how I learned this.)

Are you a team leader, parent, project manager, caretaker, writer or creative? Are you trying to make everyone happy? As Dr. Phil says, "How's that working for you?"

Put yourself in the mix. You have value. You have your own voice, talents, contributions, experience, expertise, perspective and unique take on the world.

It is FAIR and NEEDED for you to honor and contribute your own abilities, insights and gifts. This is true on and off the job – at work, at home and in your community.

We serve best when we serve others AND our self. The goal is to keep things in balance, always in balance.

Day Right Quote #53: Don't You Know Yet? It is Your Light that Lights the World

When I present SerenDestiny programs, people often ask, "Isn't it selfish to do what you really want?" I tell them, "it is if you exclude everyone else's needs and priorities.

But many of us are doing the opposite of that.

We're honoring everyone else's needs and priorities and ignoring our own."

As Rumi said, "Don't you know yet? Is is YOUR light that lights the world.

This is probably one of the most important lessons-learned from my Year by the Water ... It is not selfish to put ourselves in our own story, it's smart.

It is not an indulgence to do what puts the light on in your eyes and fills you with joy - it is an example that inspires others to do the same.

In fact, here's how I learned that lesson.

Hope it inspires you to shine your light on and in the world.

Day Right Quote #29: You Can Fail At What You Don't Want; So You Might As Well Take a Chance Doing What You LOVE

Have you seen Jim Carrey's commencement speech for Maharishi University of Management? In it, he talks about his dad always wanting to be a comedian, but instead he took a SAFE job as an accountant to be "responsible" and support his family.

Then, his dad got let go and their family fell into financial hard times.

Jim's lesson from that?

"You can fail at what you DON'T want; so you might as well take a chance on doing what you LOVE."

Do you know someone who is making a career choice? Have they been told it's unrealistic to expect to make a living doing work they love? Are they about to make a "safe, responsible" decision to take a job that will pay the bills but that will kill the light in their eyes?

Share Jim Carrey's quote with them. They will never regret betting on themselves and choosing to do work they're good at that adds value and that lights them up.

Day Right Quote #23: When You're Different, You Can Last

Comedian Don Rickles said, "When you're different, you can last." Rickles is right. The world does't need more copycats.

How are you different from everyone in your organization or profession? How are you one-of-a-kind or first-of-your-kind?

I was just working with a client on his TEDx talk, and we took out everything that seemed obvious or that sounded like someone else said it.

I told him, "It's not enough to be TRUE. The question is, 'Is it NEW?' Does it cause people to say, "I never thought of it that way." Does it open their eyes?

THAT's when you cause a SHIFT. That's when you add enduring value.

How is what you're saying and doing different than the norm? THAT is when you stand out - for all the right reasons - and get heard, noticed and valued.

Day Right Quote #22: The Moment You Put a Date on the Calendar is the Moment Your IDEA Becomes REALITY

I'm hosting a salon in NYC next week and a friend asked how she should prepare. She asked if she should just talk about her advocacy for woman business authors or what. I said, "No, put a date on the calendar and tell us WHEN you plan to host a Tele-Summit or live event.

If you get this bandwagon out of the garage, people will jump on it.

The moment you put a date on the calendar is the moment your IDEA becomes REALITY.

Day Right Quote #16: It Is Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been

George Eliot said, "Its never too late to be what you might have been" 150 years ago ... and it's as true today as when she first said it. When you were young, who did you want to be?

What did you want to do?

Where did you want to go?

It's only too late if you don't start now.

Lesson #9 From My Year by the Water: Fun Is Not a Four-Letter Word

When people ask what prompted me to give away 95% of what I owned and take off for a Year by the Water, I often tell them what Andrew said, “Mom, you’re created a life where you can do anything you want, and you’re not taking advantage of it.” He helped me realize the clock is ticking. Not in a morbid way. In a motivating way. But I was also ready to do the opposite of my always. I love my work, but I was pretty much going-going-going seven days a week. I was exhausted. (Sound familiar?)

Then, like many busy people I know, I came down with a respiratory illness that wouldn’t get better. I “soldiered through” for weeks (got to keep my commitments, right?) until I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed.

A friend took me to Urgent Care. After checking my lungs, the doc diagnosed walking pneumonia, prescribed bed rest and antibiotics, and then said, “I don’t understand why so many people are working themselves to death. You’re lucky we can treat this with a Z-pack. You’ll be fine in ten days. But if you don’t start taking better care of yourself, your body will do something else to get your attention.”

Hmm. What is it with this Puritan Work Ethic? Why do so many of us believe hard work is noble? Why do 55% of Americans NOT take all their paid vacation days? (Fact!) Why do so many of us feel it’s only okay to “play” when all our work is done? Since, for many of us, our work is never done, we never find time to have fun. We just get more and more run down.

I’m supposed to know better than this.

Guess what my major was in college? Recreation Administration! Career counselors kept suggesting I study law or medicine to make the most of my brain, but I grew up playing sports and believed they're at the center of a happy, healthy life. Even though some people told me this was a “joke degree for slackers,” I worked my way through college coaching swim teams, running community centers, organizing sports leagues and was a walking/talking advocate of the benefits of being active outdoors.

Yet, for a number of reasons, for the past couple of decades, I’ve spent more time sitting and spectating than being active. Let’s unpack that for a moment.

As parents, it’s easy for our days to become filled with chauffeuring kids to practices, games and activities while we sit in the car. on the bleachers or on the sidelines. Yet, when I think about my athletic career growing up, my mom came to one of my swim meets and my dad came to one of my tennis matches. That was it. And I didn’t feel bereft, abandoned or unloved. They had their life, I had mine.

As entrepreneurs, or if we have financial and family care-taking responsibilities, we can be in constant biz dev mode, constant got-to-work two jobs to pay bills mode, or constant “It’s selfish to go off and do something my own thing when my parents, kids, friends, neighbors (fill in the blank) need me.”

One of the most important epiphanies from My Year by the Water is, “It’s NOT SELFISH to do something that makes up happy; it’s SMART. It’s not indulgent or frivolous to do something each week that fills us with joy; it’s an investment in a more fulfilling life ... now and in the years to come.”

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we abandon our obligations and only do what we want. I’m suggesting we balance our responsibility to others with a responsibility to our selves to stay happy, healthy and in love with life.

My Year by the Water was SO MUCH FUN. Swimming with Zach the Dolphin. Seeing the sun rise over Diamond Head while riding the waves off Waikiki. Exploring Monet’s Garden. Reveling in a road of my own. Never knowing what was over the next knoll, around the next bend.

Now that I’m on to my next adventure – spending time with my sons, their wives and their brand new babies – I’ve promised myself to NOT let the rubber band of routine snap back and return to being a desk potato.

Like today, for example. I spent a good eight hours at the computer prepping for consulting appointments and working on my new book; but then the mountains called. A friend told me about Colorado Chautauqua I jumped online and discovered it was less than five miles away. I jumped in my car and fifteen minutes later was hiking the golden foothills, exploring the Flatirons and checking out this historic national landmark -which Theodore Roosevelt called “The Most American Thing in America.

So, here’s to fun NOT being a four-letter word. Here’s to fun being an active part of our life (intentional play on words) so we’re enjoying our lives, taking care of ourselves and making the most of our health … now, not someday.

Lesson #8 From My Year by the Water: Figure Out Your NEXT and Start Doing it NOW

I had an opportunity to speak for a national convention on the topic of "Is the Light On In Your Eyes?" The conference theme was "Reflections on Success" and I started by saying many of us spend more time reflecting on what movie to watch this weekend than on what we're going to do with the rest of our life. Sound familiar?

Many of the people in the audience were successful entrepreneurs who have so many different projects and people counting on them, they feel they can't take time off. Many work 60-70 hour weeks and haven't taken a vacation for years. Some are ready to retire, but can't imagine what they're going to do NEXT that could be as satisfying and productive as what they're currently doing.

I told them we were going to spend the next ninety minutes reflecting on what's working, what's not and what we're going to do about it NEXT. I shared a quiz that can help anyone figure out in 4 minutes what's supporting their happiness, what's sabotaging it.

One of the options we talked about is how to make our passion - what puts the light on in our eyes - part of our profession. Many people told me they're too "busy" to do the hobbies that used to bring them joy. I told them, they can COMBINE their recreation WITH their work in a win-win way - instead of seeing them as being mutually exclusive.

Here's what I mean.

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of sharing breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, the largest networking organization in the world. After hearing about my full calendar of #speaking, #consulting and #traveling, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I love what I do and I am grateful to have the opportunity to do work with smart talented people who are making a positive difference in the world ... it's just that I was going 24/7.

That conversation and several other wake-up calls motivated me to set out on a Year by the Water. I didn't abandon my business ... I just took it on the road. As James Taylor said when he took a break from touring to compose new lyrics and produce a new album; "I didn't quit work - I did a different kind of work. " I went from non-stop productivity to full-time creativity. I did the opposite of my always and the contrast filled me with joy.

What I learned on my travels is that you don't have to be torn between two worlds - you can have the best of both worlds. You don't have to put aside what puts the light on in your eyes - you can integrate it into your work so you feel more balanced and blessed. You don't have to lose your "hobby" because you're always working, you can leverage your hobby to make your work fun and productive.

Want an example of how this works?

When I lived on#Maui, I had a friend named Kathy who was a 4.5 tennis player and a Realtor. We played a couple times a week until the economy slumped and she told me she was too bus" finding clients to play tennis anymore.

I suggested her hobby wasn't an indulgence she do only when she had spare time - it was a competitive edge that could give her access to ideal clients. I suggested she approach the concierges at the Four Seasons and Grand Wailea Resort (both 5 diamond properties catering to affluent travelers - Kathy's target demographic) and let them know they could recommend her to guests looking for a good game of singles. They eagerly did this because Kathy had lived on the island for years, was a respected member of the community, and they trusted her to make this a good experience for their resort guests.

This turned into a win for everyone. Within a month, Kathy was back to playing tennis 3-5 times a week AND had several new clients buying houses. She didn't offend anyone with hard selling. It was natural while sharing an iced-tea after a satisfying match for guests to ask "What do you do?" When they found out she was a Realtor, they'd often ask if she had any available properties for a good price. Not only was Kathy back to being active outside doing something she loved - it became an organic marketing tool that kept her visible and became her secret sauce to success in a down market.

Want other ways to figure out how you can integrate your passion into your profession and keep the light on in your eyes? Want to leverage your years of experience into a new NEXT that makes a positive difference for all involved?

I'm working on a book that shows how to do that, and will be sharing some of the steps on my www.SamHorn.com site and on my LinkedIn page.

You're invited to check out these sample posts to access some of the specific steps on how to create a unique niche ... and shape work you love that matters NOW, not someday ... so you're creating a life-work integration that is personally and professionally satisfying.

Hope you'll visit those sites. You will never regret clarifying what's important to you and bringing more of that into your life ... you will only regret not doing it sooner.

Lesson #3 From My Year by the Water: Stop Driving Into Hurricanes!

The very first day of my adventure, I was driving to Chesapeake Bay to stay in a beachfront home a friend had graciously loaned me. The only problem? A hurricane was also headed there. As the winds whipped up and I could hardly see the road through the rainstorm, a thought bubble appeared above my head, "Why drive into a hurricane?!" Why to keep my commitment, of course. That's what I was taught to do. We keep our commitments - no matter what. . But this was unsafe. Maybe under the circumstances, it would be okay, even advisable, to "break a promise?"

I called my friend and told her I had changed my mind. She didn't hesitate, she said, "Good decision. There will be another, better time to stay at the beach-house."

An hour later, I was safely ensconced in a historic B & B in Annapolis, half-asleep under a fluffy down comforter. What a relief.

My epiphany? "Where else in my life am I automatically keeping commitments - out of habit or "integrity" - that were made long ago that are no longer relevant or healthy? Where else am I honoring promises I made to people who don't care if I change my mind; they may even applaud or be grateful for my decision?"

My friend Mary LoVerde says this has become a "go-to" phrase in her family. When she or one of her kids is about to head into a stormy situation, they stop and ask themselves, "Am I driving into a hurricane?"

If we know in advance we're heading into a hot mess, and we're doing it simply because we said we would, maybe it's wise to NOT DO IT. Maybe there are other options that are a win for all involved.

Sometimes it's not selfish to break a promise or opt out of a commitment; it's smart.

You may be thinking, "But we've got to keep our commitments. That's they only way people can trust us."

That makes sense and that's what I thought for thirty years. However, this experience opened my eyes to the fact that keeping commitments - no matter what - is not always optimal.

Honoring our "word" is an important characteristic. But a strength taken to an extreme can become our Achilles Heel.

If a relationship or commitment is not working anymore, if it's become toxic or stormy; if you wish you hadn't made this promise and want to change things; why not have a conversation with your client, colleague or partner to get their point of view?

Maybe they feel the same way. Maybe they have an idea on how to adapt or update the agreement so it works better for all involved. Maybe, together, you can come up with a more current, effective course correction and collaboration that benefits both of you.

A colleague told me this phrase, "Are we about to drive into a hurricane? WHY?!" has become part of their family lore.

For example, her daughter and son-in-law dreaded going to his parents' house for Thanksgiving because it was always a war zone. It was a day of uncles, aunts, and cousins all complaining and at each others' throat. Not a pleasant way to spend a holiday, yet this couple went year after year out of a sense of obligation. Even though it upset them to be in the midst of such conflict; they kept doing it because they'd made a commitment.

This past year, they got creative. They got in touch with his folks and invited them to join them on a different weekend at a timeshare they'd purchased. Instead of spending money on traveling to his parents' house for Thanksgiving, they offered to pay the grandparents' way to join them at this beach resort.

What a brilliant solution. The kids were happy because there was plenty to do at this oceanfront property, and the parents and grandparents were happy because they had together time without juggling everyone else's personalities and demands.

Next time you're about to drive into a hurricane, ask yourself, "Why? Are there options I haven't explored yet?"

You just might discover a better route, a new route, that bypasses the drama and trauma and ends up being a win for everyone.

Lesson #2 From my Year by the Water: We're Not Torn Between Two Worlds; We Have the Best of Both Worlds

Years ago when my sons we're growing up on Maui, I felt torn between two worlds. I had two sons I loved and wanted to be with AND had a thriving speaking/training business that called for me to be on the road and in the air. At a National Speakers Association convention on the mainland, I ran into a long-time friend Maggie Bedrosian. We hadn't seen each other since I had left Washington D.C. for the Hawaiian Islands several years before.

Maggie asked, "Sam, how are you?" I started telling her. Before I could finish, Maggie being Maggie, (she must have been an impish elf and wise sage in another life) interrupted me and said, "No Sam, tell me in ONE WORD how you're doing."

Wow, what a great question. It forced me to distill everything I was feeling into one catchall phrase. I dug deep, opened my mouth, and out came "Maggie, I'm … conflicted."

Her eyebrows flew up. "Conflicted? How so?"

"Yesterday morning I was on Keawakapu Beach with Tom and Andrew at golden hour. They were charging into the surf with their boogie boards, riding those waves all the way in until they scraped their bellies on the beach, and then running out to catch another one. It was Nirvana. I didn't want to be anywhere else.

Today, I’m here at this conference surrounded by smart, talented peers, I'm learning new things, speaking on my favorite topic, my brain's on fire, and I'm humming with energy and new ideas.

I feel like I'm constantly torn between two worlds."

Maggie looked at me and then shared this insight. "Sam, the words you use to describe your experience define your experience. You better come up with another word to describe how you feel, because that's how it's going to be."

Smart woman.

That night I couldn't sleep. If I wasn't conflicted, what was I? I kept mentally tasting words, experimenting with them to see if they captured the mix of emotions I felt. Finally it came to me.

The next day I tracked down Maggie. There she was down the hall. I ran up to her and said, "Maggie, I figured it out. I'm not conflicted, I'm … blessed. I'm not torn between two worlds, I have the best of both worlds.”

That describes how I feel now.

I've just had 16 months of glorious adventuring, exploring, discovering, reflecting, and “funning” on my Year by the Water. (If “funning” isn’t a verb, it deserves to be.)

Now I'm here in Boulder holding my beautiful baby granddaughter Natalia in my arms. This morning I was sitting on the floor and playing Lego's with my grandson Mateo.

Last night I was sitting on the couch with Tom and Patty getting caught up, and as they say in Hawaii, “talking story.”

The day before, I was making nutritious greenies, doing “folding laundry meditation, and enjoying Dolores' (Patty's Mom) delicious home-made cooking.

This morning, Mateo is playing airplane on his own private jungle gym, (his dad) and watching his favorite Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood with his mom. It feels oh-so-right.

I look around and realize I once again am blessed to have the best of both worlds … and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I'm immersing myself in this abundance - this state of SerenDestiny where the light is on in my eyes - and I'm imprinting every sacred moment. Receive, receive, receive. Revel, revel, revel.

BTW - This recognition that I'm not torn being two options (either-or); I have the best of both options (yes-and) is one of the most important lessons-learned from My Year by The Water. I'll be writing about the adventures that led to this understanding in my upcoming book "There Is No Present Like the Time" including:

It’s not CONTROL OR COOPERATE. It’s both.

It’s not PLAY OR PRODUCTIVITY. It’s both.

It’s not SOCIAL OR SOLITUDE. It’s both.

It’s not start with the END in mind or with an OPEN mind. It’s both.

It’s not serve others or your self. It’s both.

Next time you’re feeling as if you're being torn between two options – re-frame what you’re feeling or facing. Isn’t it an advantage to have an abundance of options – to have the best of both worlds? You're not conflicted, you're blessed.

People Can't Jump On Your Bandwagon If It's Parked in the Garage

“If you don’t go, you’ll never know.” – Robert De Niro

Many of us operate with the opposite of Robert De Niro’s insight.

If we don’t know; we don’t go. The problem with that?

By definition, anytime we try something for the first time, anytime we launch a new venture ... we DON’T KNOW what we’re doing.

If “knowing what we’re doing” is a prerequisite for moving forward … we never move forward.

Yikes.That’s where GTS comes in. What’s GTS? Let me explain.

A year after my son Andrew graduated from VA Tech with a business degree, we were having dinner.

Andrew had “lucked out” and found a job as an executive recruiter. He was the envy of his college buddies because he was working in a classy downtown office building, making good money and working for a respected, well-connected industry icon who was arranging for him to do neat things like work at events with President Obama and Tony Bennett. Not the normal career trajectory.

Yet, as Andrew talked about his work, I could tell the light had gone out in his eyes. There was no spark. In fact, he used a word I’d never heard him use before. Exhausted.

I asked, “So, are you going down to VA Tech this weekend for Homecoming?”

“Nah. By the time I’d drive down there, I’d only have a few hours before I’d have to turn around and come back. I just don’t have the energy. I’m exhausted.”

Exhausted?!? How could that be? How was it this normally energetic 20-something who "had it all" was feeling burned out?

I asked, “Andrew, what’s up?”

He said, “Mom, I want to quit. I'm grateful for this job, but sitting inside all day at a computer researching job openings and making cold calls is not what I was born to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Andrew said with a huge smile,. “I want to start a non-profit.”

I have to admit, a conservative person I didn’t even know existed in me popped up and perched on the tip of my tongue. This person wanted to say, “Non-profit?! Do you know how many non-profits are going out of business because donations have dried up? How are you going to pay bills? What about health insurance?”

Thank heaven a wiser voice in me prevailed that asked, “Isn’t this exactly what 20-somethings ought to be doing at this stage of their life?. If Andrew doesn’t go for what he wants now, he may never get a chance later. Good for him for wanting to do work that matters. His dream deserves to be supported, not shut down.”

So, instead of bringing up all the reasons this might not work, I said, “Andrew, you’ve always been resourceful. If you apply yourself and put your mind to it, I know you can pull this off.”

You may be thinking, “But how could Andrew pull this off? He’d never run a non-profit before. He doesn't even know what it takes to make this a success.”

That’s true, and that’s where GTS comes in. GTS stands for Google That Stuff. (As you can imagine, Millennials sometimes substitute another word for stuff.)

Andrew thanked his boss for giving him that job opportunity right out of college – and then promptly got online and Googled “How can I start a non-profit?”

Up came dozens of resources – all telling Andrew exactly what steps he needed to take to "get his bandwagon out of the garage" - how to get a license, develop operating procedures, find a team, develop a website and get funding.

In the course of one year, Andrew recruited 20 (!) interns and found a collaborative work space at the Affinity Lab in Washington DC. It was the ideal environment to get other people on his bandwagon. For example, someone a couple desks over would ask, “Andrew, what are you working on today?”

Andrew would say, “I’m applying for a grant,” and she would say, “Oh, I did that last year. You can borrow my grant proposal and use it as a template.”

Or, he'd admit he'd run into an obstacle finding a location for one of his activities, and that person would say, "Here's the phone number of ____. Call her and let her know I referred you to her." Voila, That lead was exactly what he needed to jump the chain of command and arrange for a water-sports event at a local lake park.

Andrew never had to go it alone as he was surrounded by others who shared and supported his vision and had his back … and front.

The result? Dreams for Kids/DC has sponsored hundreds of adaptive athletic programs for kids with disabilities and gotten them off the sidelines and into the games of life. They have sponsored Extreme Recess clinics with the Washington Nationals, Capitals, Wizards, Mystics and United soccer teams, and made a positive difference for thousands of young people through their Dream Leader programs in schools and their annual Holiday for Hope program at Howard University.

The point? None of this would have happened if Andrew had given up before he started because he ... “didn’t know what he was doing.”

If there’s anything I’ve learned after interviewing hundreds of people about how they set their SerenDestiny in motion – it’s that PEOPLE CAN’T JUMP ON YOUR BANDWAGON IF ITS PARKED IN THE GARAGE.

What do you want to do? What would put the light on in your eyes? Are you hesitating because you don’t know what to do?

Remember – you don’t have to know to go. In fact, the only way you'll ever know is to go.

Get online right now and GTS that dream project that would put the light on in your eyes. . Phrase what you want to do as a question and put it into your favorite search engine – and up will come dozens of resources to help you on your way.

Want to write a book? Google "How can I write a book?"

What to become a ballroom dancer? Google "Where can I take ballroom dance lessons in this zip code?

Want to launch your own business? Google "How can I start my own ___ and then fill in the blanks, e.g., dog walking business, web design business?

Want this year to be your best ever? Want the light on in your eyes? Don't wait until you have all your ducks in a row. GO! GTS what you want to do. And then get your bandwagon (your dream project) out of the garage and get moving.

- - - -

Want an update on Andrew Horn? After ensuring the continued leadership of DFK-DC, he has launched a new "bandwagon." Check out TRIBUTE

Want more insights on how to get your bandwagon out of the garage? Check out other posts on Sam Horn's website SERENDESTINY which shares inspiring lessons-learned from her Year by the Water and tips on how you can create a love you love that matters.