Look Closer

Do you know one of the biggest lessons I've learned as a result of my Year by the Water and from 20 years of researching, writing and speaking about attention, concentration and focus? The quality of our life is directly proportionate to our quality of attention. 

Yet, as explained in Got Your Attention? … goldfish have longer attention spans than we do.

I’m not making that up. That’s from research by Harvard professor Nancy F. Koehn. Goldfish = 9 seconds. Human beings = 8 seconds.

What that means is we tend to rush through life distracted, impatient, perpetually on to the next thing.

At work, we're constantly interrupted and besieged with conflicting priorities.

We rarely really focus on anything. As a result, we don’t really connect.

The good news? There’s an antidote to this.

Three times a day, take three minutes to do this simple ConZentration Look Closer Exercise. Simply stop what you’re doing and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

As soon as you do, you will feel a newfound appreciation for that person or activity. You will find yourself really listening to that person. You'll find yourself more deeply engaged in that task. It’s amazing how accessible focused connection is. It is, literally and figuratively, a moment’s NOTICE away.

I’ve collected my six favorite quotes about seeing – with some added comments – and share them here. They're excerpted from Got Your Attention? (which Marshall Goldsmith says is a "must for every leader") and from ConZentrate – a book I wrote about how to stay focused in an unfocused world and which Dr. Stephen Covey endorsed as "Remarkable, thought-provoking, fascinating, motivating"

Hope you find them thought-provoking. You might even want to post a favorite quote where you’ll see it every day as a reminder to stop and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

Taking the time to stop and SEE who you're with and what you're doing is the first step to creating SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in your eyes.  It's the key to being IN your life and fully experiencing it rather than rushing through it and looking back with regrets, wondering where it went.  It’s the first step to staying focused at work instead of feeling constantly frazzled and frenetic.

Six Quotes on How to SEE Your Way to Improved Focus and Connection

1. The first words of our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, are, “Oh, say, can you see…” The real question is, “Oh, say do you see…”

2. “Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t time, and to see takes time.” – Georgia O’Keefe As mentioned, to see takes time and intent. We must give our mind an order and decide to focus our attention on THIS thing for THIS amount of time.

3. “Develop interest in life, in people, things, literature, music. The world is simply throbbing with rich treasure, beautiful souls, fascinating people.” – Henry Miller There is no excuse, ever, for being bored. That is simply a lack of imagination and a lack of really seeing the miracles that surround us every single day.

4. “Life is postponed until further notice.” -Sam Horn The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the quality of your attention and connection.  Put yourself on NOTICE now.

5. “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck The second you really SEE someone or something; you’re flooded with renewed appreciation. Attention = appreciation.

6. “The whole of life lies in the verb seeing.” – Teilhard de Chardin Every time I see this quote, something deep within me says, “YES, emphatically YES.” Not seeing = not connecting.   Fully seeing = fully connecting.

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Want more? Check out Sam’s books – Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? which Marshall Goldsmith calls "a must for every leader" and ConZentrate which Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) endorsed as “Remarkable, fascinating, thought-provoking, motivating.”

Or, contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com to arrange for Sam Horn to present her GOT FOCUS? keynote to your convention or corporate meeting. Discover for yourself why her programs on how to focus and concentrate have received excellent ratings from NASA, been featured on NPR; and how they can help your employees be more focused, mindful, connected and productive at work.

Are You in the Desert of Your Dream?

It’s hard to believe, but it was only five years ago that Serena Williams suffered what could have been life/career-ending injuries, including two foot surgeries and a pulmonary embolism. Serena is quoted as saying she didn't know if she would "get out of the hospital," much less play tennis again. In 2011, her sister Venus Williams was diagnosed with ‪#‎SjogrensSyndrome‬, an auto-immune disease that causes numbness, joint pain, swelling and extreme fatigue.

Yet, today, Serena won her 22nd grand slam title at Wimbledon to tie Steffi Graf, and she and Venus are playing in the doubles final, (even though they were ranked #250 in the world and unseeded in the doubles draw of this tournament).

I can only imagine Serena and Venus were tempted to give up when they were in pain, when they could hardly walk. It would have been so easy to give up when all looked bleak.

But they wasn’t finished. They weren't willing to turn their backs on their talent. They believed they still had greatness in them.

Instead of abandoning their dream, they re-dedicated themselves and chose to use those setbacks as INCENTIVE vs. an EXCUSE.

As a result of re-committing themselves to doing and being their best and fighting for what they cared about, they’ve reached a much-welcomed oasis of success.

The beauty of this? Their success is not a mirage; it is a well-earned reality.

Their success is a result of deciding that what they wanted mattered enough to to persevere through the dark times … even when there were no guarantees.

How about you? Are you in the desert of your dream?

Are things not working out the way you hoped? Have you received bad news? Are people not seeing what you’re seeing, not believing what you’re believing?

If you’re an entrepreneur, are you not getting the clients or contracts you deserve?

If you’re in an organization, are you not getting the projects or promotions you deserve?

If you’re in between jobs, are you not getting the interviews, call-backs or offers you deserve?

Are you planning your own adventure - your own version of a Year by the Water - but it's not coming together as you hoped?

Could you choose to “pull a Serena?” Could you persevere like Venus?

Could you remember who you are and what you want and choose to live forward ... no matter what?

Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

Looking backwards, every successful person will tell you there were setbacks along the way that seemed unsurmoutable - that could have drained their conviction and caused them to quit.

Instead, they transcended those doubts and carried on through the down times. In doing so, they re-established momentum and moved closer to making their dream a well-earned reality.

As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” He also said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

If you are facing setbacks, remember who you are and what you want. Choose to see those setbacks as incentive rather than as an excuse.

Believe in your dream. Believe in yourself. Keep the courage. Continue.

Freedom to Drive

On this July 4th weekend, may we be grateful for our freedoms. May we take a moment to really think about all the many things we’re free to do and send up thanks for them.

Of the many freedoms we have, my Year by the Water has given me multiple opportunities to revel in one of the most precious; the ability to travel freely, the ability get up and GO … without asking permission, without being regulated, without being told NO.

One of the first times I really became aware of how rare this is, and how many of us take it for granted (and shouldn’t) happened in the middle of a blizzard in the mountains by Yosemite.

We had booked a cabin at a family lodge that had ping pong, group dining, a huge fireplace, board games, and supposedly, snowshoeing and sledding.

Since we lived in Maui at the time, playing in the snow was a big draw for Tom and Andrew, who were about six and eight. What we hadn’t counted on was bad weather that kept us inside most of our time there.

One night, we were gathered in the main lodge and the front desk manager was really worried. A couple who were supposed to check in that afternoon still hadn’t arrived, and it was getting late. The manager was concerned their car might have gone off the narrow, windy road or gotten stuck.

Finally, with a gust of wind, the door opened and the couple walked in, much to everyone's relief.

I was standing by the desk while they explained they had gotten lost. But, and here’s the part that made a lasting impression on me, they didn’t panic because they were in America! They were originally from RUSSIA.

In Russia, if they wanted to make a long trip, they’d have to give their itinerary to the authorities. If they didn’t made a checkpoint at a certain time, they would come under suspicion, perhaps even be arrested. Here in America, they didn’t fear something bad would happen to them simply because they'd become lost. They felt safe.

Wow.

That memory floated back to me yesterday while driving through the glorious Smoky Mountains during Golden Hour … and listening to the final show of A Prairie Home Companion.

President Obama called in to give Garrison Keillor a well-deserved shout-out for his 42 years of story-telling that’s “made us all a little more humane.”

When asked what he was looking forward to when he’s out of office, Obama talked longingly of getting in a car without the Secret Service and GOING FOR A DRIVE on California’s Pacific Coast Highway.

Exactly.

See, going for a drive is a “satisfied need.” Abraham Maslow said that once a need is satisfied – whether it’s a survival need like having food, water and shelter – or a community need like family and friends – it is no longer a motivator. We tend to overlook it, take it for granted. We don't miss it until we no longer have it.

The freedom to get in a car and just take off - anytime, anywhere, with anyone - is something we usually don’t even think about. In fact, if we think about it at all, it’s usually to complain about the traffic, the weather, or “Are we there yet?”

This weekend, if you get in a car to head to the beach, the mountains, a community or national park to celebrate with family and friends, instead of thinking how hot it is or complaining how long it takes to get where you want to go - could you instead look around and MARVEL at what it really means to have the freedom, independence and luxury to drive where you want, when you want?

As I travel this great country of ours, I am amazed and impressed with its beauty, its variety, its abundance.

Our freedoms do not deserve to be taken for granted. They deserve our attention, respect and appreciation. Happy 4th of July weekend.

Start with an OPEN Mind, Not the END In Mind

I have enjoyed every single moment of this private workshop at Monet's Garden with world-class photographers Charles Needle, Dewitt Jones and Jack H. Davis. I've had an opportunity to practice Bucky Fuller's advice to "Dare to become a beginner."

The other participants have years of experience and dozens of lens.  They wear vests with pockets and pull carry-ons stocked with different cameras, tripods and gear.

I am the rube of the group, armed solely with my trusty iPhone.

The good news is, these renowned photographers are all fans of the smart phon'es miraculous ability to allow almost anyone to create gee-whiz images right out of the gate.

One of my biggest lessons of this past week is to NOT follow Stephen Covey's advice to "Start with the end in mind."

It's far more important to start with an open mind.

Here's what I mean.

We trekked to nearby Vernon for a field trip to historical Notre Dame Collegiate Church that was build between the 11th and 16th century.

Charles told us we would discover magic inside if we kept our eyes open.

So I walked in, looking for things that got my eyebrows up - a sure sign of intrigue.

I saw the sun glowing on this baptismal and thought, "THAT'S interesting" and snapped this picture of it.

Now, this image is nothing "special" but it did capture that moment and it's a starting point.

As Dewitt says, there is more than one right answer ... so I kept playing.

Let's try this.

How about that?

Let's get closer.

Wow.  Look at that!!

I keep experimenting - letting my gut be my guide.

As Charles says, "You have permission to play.  There are no penalties. You can have as many do-overs and fresh starts as you'd like."

I kept experimenting with different points of view.

Little gasps of delight surrounded me as we all experienced the coalescing of something beautiful and unexpected come into focus.

It reminded me ... do you know how Einstein knew he had a good idea?  He laughed out loud.

I found myself laughing out loud with the sheer joy of what emerged in front of my eyes.

Carrie Fisher says "Instant gratification takes too long."

Well, that's one of the many miracles of taking and making images with your iPhone.

In seconds, you can capture and then create something that didn't exist a moment before.

And it's available to anyone with a smart phone who's willing to play.

Little could I gave predicted when I saw the sun glowing on that baptismal that a few shots later, it would turn into this ...

This, of course, is a metaphor waiting to happen.

First, may we all have the courage to try something new and dare to be a beginner.

Second, DON'T start with the end in mind.  Start with an open  mind.

There's no way I could have conjured up these "end" images in the beginning.  I didn't even know they were possible.

Third, keep paying attention to what gets your eyebrows up.  Then, keep playing until something clicks for you.

Then, click it.

Voila!  (When in France, use French sayings:-) ...you're becoming an artist.

It's fun, incredibly rewarding ... and available to ANYONE.

Why Do We Love Water?

I re-connected with a fellow TLC (Transformational Leadership Council) member recently and we had an intriguing conversation about why we're drawn to water. Rick lives on a houseboat in Sausalito, CA. He told me he “loves the flexibility of living on the water, because it’s fluid, always moving, forever changing.”

Agreed. I love water for a lot of reasons.

It’s not just that water feels like “home.” (After all, we are, all of us, bodies of water.)

It’s not just that water is beautiful, calming and inspiring … all at the same time.

It’s not just that water is a muse. (Much like some people drop into a hypnotic state gazing at fire, I lose myself in a writer’s reverie while gazing at and working by water.)

It’s not just that it’s the perfect forum for freedom of movement. (We can swim in water. Float on it. Sail, boat; paddle board, raft and surf on it. Dive in it. Walk and run around it. Splash, play and revel in it.)

For me, it’s the dynamism of water that makes my soul sing. The multi-faceted nature of it. The many yin-yang forms of it. The metaphorical epiphanies facilitated and fostered by it.

Just think of all the thought-provoking quotes associated with water.

1. “I feel most at home in the water. I disappear. That's where I belong.” – Michael Phelps (Me too. I feel at home by, in, on and around water. Although I don’t disappear. I come alive.)

2. “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts (Yes, I trust and am relaxing into this experience. When people ask how my Year by the Water is going, I tell them, “Swimmingly.”)

3. “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” – Isak Dineson (It rarely happens, but if something goes wrong, all I have to do it get in water and it washes away the worries.)

4. “Being on a boat that's moving through the water, it's so clear. Everything falls into place in terms of what's important and what's not.” – James Taylor (Agreed. Water produces clarity and instant perspective.)

5. “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” - George Eliot (One of the reasons I set out on my Year by the Water adventure is because I wanted to experience the angels and imprint the golden moments now, not some day in the far off future … or never.)

6. “Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river.” – Jorge Louis Borges (Water and time are indeed Rorschach tests. How we view

them often reveals how we view ourselves.)

6. “Luck affects everything. Let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least expect it there will be a fish.” – Ovid (I am reveling in open days. They are lucky hooks that catch unexpected streams of blessings.)

7. “I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” – Isaac Newton (People ask where I’m going to return to when my year’s up. I’m not going to return to anything. I’m not going back to who I was or where I lived. There’s an ocean of truths I’ve yet to explore. Onward. )

As I travel around the country and visits oceans, bays, waterways, streams, rivers and waterfalls … I am thrilled with their capacity to fill me with wonder, appreciation and awe.

Water has become a non-negotiable for me. I’ve lived around and by the water for the past 29 years (Hawaii for 17 years and then on Lake Audubon and Lake Thoreau in Virginia for 12 years)

When it’s time to find my next home (I’ve realized I don’t want to SETTLE DOWN. What a depressing phrase. Settle means compromise and down equals depressed), I want to be like the settlers.

The settlers headed west, exploring new country, scouting for a home that had just the right elements. Water. Good soil. Trees. Mountains. A way to do business or earn a living. When they found the right combination of elements, they didn’t settle down, they SETTLED IN.

At some point, I will be ready to SETTLE IN. Not yet.

When it’s time, like the settlers, my next home will be by water. For me, water is at the core of a right life

How about you?;

Do you love the water? Why?

What role does it play in your life?

How does it inspire you, center you, feed your soul, facilitate your creativity?

I look forward to hearing what water means to you and how you keep it in your life.

Do you Have Space to Create - Room to Think?

I was on the West Coast recently presenting "Got Your Attention" for a conference. At the speaker dinner, we were going around the table with a "Review - Preview." Each of us had a chance to reflect back on the first six months of the year and share a couple of highlights - and then look ahead and share what we were looking forward to in the second half of the year.

I told the group about my Year by the Water. The woman next to me asked, "What's your favorite place so far?"

I told her,  "It's not really the places that I remember.  I've been fortunate to travel to some really marvelous places - Maui,  Morro Bay, Marina del Ray - but what really stands out are the experiences and epiphanies."

She asked, "Like what?"

I thought about it for a moment and lit up with a memory.   "Here's an example. I'm driving along in the middle of Texas listening to the Audible version of Gloria Steinem's My Life on the Road.

I had pictured Texas as flat, barren and hot.  But this was Texas hill country in spring.  Much to my surprise,  everything was green, rolling and beautiful.  I am reveling, reveling, reveling because everything I see is new.  All is right with my world.

Gloria was talking about Virginia Woolf's insight that "Every woman needs a room of her own.

I started laughing out loud.  Even though I was "all my myself," what burst out of my mouth was, 'I have a ROAD of my own.'

That's one of my favorite memories of this adventure.  I love having an open road and open space." 

Several years ago, I had the opportunity to train the President and International Board of Entrepreneurs Organization in public speaking.

Our meeting was at the top of CEB - the Corporate Executive Board Building-  looking out over the Potomac River and the Lincoln Memorial where Martin Luther King gave his "I Have a Dream" speech that inspired millions and helped changed the course of our nation.

That night, we went to Lincoln's Cottage in Northwest DC for a private dinner.  This is where President Abraham Lincoln rode his horse from the White House to write the Emancipation Proclamation.

I got there an hour early, before any of the EO'ers arrived.

As I walked in, it was as if the walls were whispering to me, "Space to think.  Space to think."

The cottage was very spare. Each room only had a handful of items.  A table. A chair.  Maybe a picture on a wall.  That was it.

I got it. This was where Lincoln came to escape the "madding crowd' and be alone with his thoughts.

This was where he could temporarily be free from his many obligations and demands.

This is where he found solitude and was able to both reflect and think ahead, and conjure up visionary words that that also changed the course of our nation.

Time, space and freedom to reflect, think  ahead and be alone with my thoughts is a primary reason I am loving every moment of my Year by the Water.

I had a great life before this.  However, like everyone, I had obligations and demands and not much time, space or freedom to  be alone with my thoughts, much less reflect upon and write about  those thoughts.

Now I do.  Bliss.

How about you?

Do you have time, space and freedom to be by yourself?

Do you have a room - a road - of your own?

Do you ever get a respite from your obligations and demands?

Many of our greatest creative minds talk(ed) about their need for solitude.  This is where they did their greatest work. This is where they were able to dig deep, without distraction, and conjure up new ideas, visionary documents, first-of-its-kind art.

I'm sharing a few favorite quotes about solitude (with some comments about them).

I hope they catalyze reflection (and maybe even a conversation with friends and family) about your own personal and professional need for solitude and a room/road of your own.  Hope you find them inspiring and thought-provoking.

1.  "A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free."  - Arthur Schopenhauer  (That's what being alone means to me.  Total freedom to go where I want, when I want, do what I want, with whom I want.)

2.  "We need society, and we need solitude, as we need summer and winter, day and night, exercise and rest." - Phillip G. Hamerton  (Agreed.  I don't want to be by myself all the time.  I don't want to be around people all the time.  I want, need and enjoy both. Solitude and society are two sides of the coin of creativity.)

3.  "Being solitary is being alone well: luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others."  Alice Koller   (When I am writing in nature, hours go by and I'm not even aware of the passage of time.  I am totally immersed. It is presence, not absence.)

4.  "To go out with the setting sun on an empty beach is to truly embrace your solitude." - Jeanne Moreau (If the sun, ocean, birds, sand and wind are there ... the beach is alive, not empty.)

5.  "The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude."  - Aldous Huxley  (The best solitude is indeed a deeply spiritual, holy experience.)

6.  "It is only in solitude that I ever find my own core." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh (What a wise woman.  How I wish I could have walked the beach with her, shared the gifts of the sea with her.)

7.  "When you acknowledge the integrity of solitude, and settle into its mystery, your relationships with others take on a new warmth, adventure and wonder." - John O'Donahue (You've heard the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"  The luxury of alone time makes people time even sweeter ... because it's rarer.)

8.  "Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away." - Barbara de Angelis  (Truth.  In solitude, we give our attention to our work and our surroundings, however we receive so much back.  It is energizing and fulfilling rather than draining or exhausting.)

9.  "Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once." - Robert Browning   A woman asked, "Don't you get lonely?"  I told her, "I'm never lonely as long as I have a good book, good music and can write.  And I'm never alone because my friends/family are with me, even with they're not with me.  I ride a river of relationships, everywhere, always.")

Zach the Dolphin

Actress Amy Poehler says, "I get a little itchy if I don’t have some kind of control.” Want to know one of the most important discoveries I’ve made on My Year by the Water?

I get a little itchy if I don’t have some kind of ... freedom.

This was brought home a couple months ago when I cracked my ribs while in Portland speaking at a conference. I tumbled down some steps leading into a hotel parking lot. I sat there. stunned at the suddenness of it all.  One moment I’m fine, the next moment I’m in a heap on the ground.

Those first few weeks, I didn’t know when my ribs would heal, or God forbid, if they would heal. The pain and loss of mobility made me yearn for the luxury of being able to get up and go anywhere, anytime, do anything.

Please understand: I realize there are MILLIONS (no exaggeration) of people who have pain and have lost their freedom of moment through no fault of their own. Wounded veterans, people with dire health challenges, people with loved ones who are seriously ill … so I am 100% clear that my sore ribs were a “first world problem” and minor in comparison to what many  are dealing with.

All is can say is those few weeks of reduced mobility was a tangible reminder to be grateful every single day for the blessing of being able to get up and go, bend, reach, turn, lift, swim, walk and move .... without pain.

Freedom of movement is also a metaphor.

The past few decades have been packed with commitments.

Commitments for Tom and Andrew's school and sports activities, commitments to speak, consult, meet deadlines, be here at this time, do this at that time, get from here to there by a certain time.

And I’m enormously grateful for all those commitments as I am blessed to be a mom and to have the privilege of doing work I love that matters with people I enjoy and respect.

On this Year by the Water. I've been experimenting by doing the OPPOSITE OF MY ALWAYS.

For example, I had just finished speaking in Tampa and was supposed to take the train to Savannah where I was speaking next.

And suddenly, seven hours on a train seemed overwhelmingly CONFINING. There's no autonomy on a train. If you see something intriguing, you don't have the option to stop and explore it. The train just whizzes on by.

I realized what I was yearning for was ... freedom of movement.

So, I cancelled the train and started driving. And the smile was back on my face and in my heart in minutes.

I deliberately did not lock myself into a pre-arranged plan. Instead of making hotel reservations, I gave myself total freedom to make it up as I went along, to be responsive to my surroundings and adapt accordingly.

So, I was driving along and checked the map to see what lay ahead.

89 miles ahead was Marineland in St. Augustine, Florida, founded in 1938 (!), the world’s first oceanarium, and the first to offer a dolphin encounter-immersion program.

SOLD! Which is how I found myself swimming with ZACH THE DOLPHIN under a clear blue sky.

What a thrill it was to get in that water, meet Zach face to face, stroke his rubbery skin and look him in the eye.

There was only three of us in our group so our guide turned it into a mini-training session. She asked me, "Would you like to give Zach a command?" Would I?!

She said, "Point your finger to the sky."

I pointed my finger to the sky ad Zach stood on his tail and took off across the pool. She said, "Now circle your finger three times. I cricled my finger three times and Zach dove down deep, then LEAPT out of the water and did a triple back flip.

ZOWEE. What a THRILLING, JOYOUS moment.

And to think I didn’t even know about Zach 24 hours earlier.

What a powerful reminder of what a blessing it is to have autonomy, freedom of movement – both physically and metaphorically - and to experience the sheer delight of joyous discovery.

How about you?

Have your weeks, months, years been filled with commitments

Are you ready to do the opposite of your always and give yourself an opportunity to make it up as you go?

Are you blessed to have freedom of movement?  What are you going to do to celebrate the privilege of being able to get up and go where you want, do what you want - even if it's for a day or an afternoon?

Honor the Nudges

"There is a voice that speaks without words. Listen." - Rumi I re-read my Year by the Water manifesto that was downloaded to me while driving along California's Pacific Coast Highway. And I'm reminded that my original plan was to not plan every minute of every day. I had promised to do the "opposite of my always" and cooperate with what wanted to happen instead of control it.

Hmm. I'm in Tampa and I'm supposed to take an overnight train to Savannah where I'll be speaking in a few days.

However, a little voice whispers in my year, "You don't have to take the train. There are no options on trains. If you see something intriguing, too bad, so sad. You don’t have freedom to get off and explore it. You just whiz on by. Why not drive?"

Sounds good. I cancel the train and start driving. Instead of locking myself into a hotel reservation for that night, I decide to make it up as I go and respond to whatever catches my interest.

I check the map to see what's ahead. Wow. Marineland, the world’s first oceanarium and the first in the United States to offer a dolphin encounter, is 89 miles away in St. Augustine. I've always wanted to swim with dolphins. Here's my chance. I call and ask, "Any openings for this afternoon?"

They do, which is how a couple hours later, I find myself swimming with Zach The Dolphin. What a thrill to get in the water, meet Zach face to face, stroke his rubbery skin and look him in the eye.

There's only three of us in our group so our guide turns it into a mini-training session. She asks, “Would you like to give Zach a command?”

"Would I like to give Zach a command?!"

She tells me, “Point your finger to the sky.”

I do as she says. Zach stands on his tail and zooms across the pool.

He swims back for his fish treat and waits, eyes bright, for what's next.

The trainer says, “This time, circle your finger three times."

I point my finger to the sky and twirl it three times. Zach takes off, dives deep,then LEAPS out of the water into a triple back flip.

I can't help myself. I thrust both arms into the air in an exultant Y (think Y-M-C-A.)

The unexpectedness of it all fills me with joy. I didn't even know Zach existed a few hours before!

This never would have happened if I'd locked myself into a pre-determined destination that would have put blinkers on my day. This delightful discovery happened because I honored my instincts and left room for whims.

What is a whim? It's a "Sudden desire or change of mind, especially one that is unusual, unexplained."

I believe whims are more than a sudden change of mind. They may seem "out of the blue," but I believe these serendipitous experiences happen for a reason. They are our best future meeting us halfway.

Here's what I mean. I saw security consultant Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, interviewed on TV. He told the reporter he learned something profound after debriefing people who had been assaulted or kidnapped. His first question to them was, "Did you have any warning?"

Guess what they all said? "I knew something was wrong." Their gut told them they were in danger, but they let their intellect over-ride their instincts. They looked around and thought, "It's broad daylight. I'm in an armored car. I'm being silly." They discounted their sixth sense.

I think a lot of us discount our sixth sense. We honor our intellect instead of our instincts. We get these intuitive nudges, these alerts, but we ignore them. Or we get whims, but we're too busy to follow up on them.

My epiphany was, "If we have instincts that alert us when something's about to go WRONG; don't we also have instincts that alert us when something's about to go RIGHT?"

If we have a sixth sense that alerts us to DISSONANCE (something to avoid, run from) doesn't it also alert us to RESONANCE (something to approach, head towards)?

I've come to believe that when something catches our attention - for better or for worse - we need to pay attention. If our gut instincts are telling us this situation is toxic, head the other direction. If our gut instincts are telling us this is a congruent opportunity, head toward it.

Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favors the prepared mind." I believe chance favors the aligned mind. I have learned, that is I get a whim that's in alignment with my instincts and interests, I should carve out time to pursue it. Every time I do, I am delighted with a congruent discovery I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.

Whims aren't an accident. They are not simply a coincidence, blind luck or serendipity. The universe is showing off. It is working overtime to connect you with someone or something that will enhance your life. Whims are your best future meeting you halfway.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "If prayer is you talking to God, intuition is God talking to you."

Do you honor your instincts? Your sixth sense? Do you listen to the voice that doesn't use words - or you over-rule your intuition with your intellect, logic or reason? Do you ignore whims or promise yourself you'll follow up on them "later?"

These aligned opportunities won't be there later. They are a sublime confluence of you being in the right place at the right time, right here, right now.

Ram Dass says, "Our plans never turn out as TASTY as reality."

Agreed.

From now on, choose to partner with life instead of trying to plan every minute of it.

Act on your instincts. Listen to the whims. Understand nudges, whims and instincts are trying to do you a favor. They have your best interests at heart. Honor them.

Is the Light Is On In Your Eyes?

Did you know: * 48% of people say they are tired every single day of the week? * 52% of people feel unappreciated and would quit their job if they could? * that WORK -and the stress leading to it- are now the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S.?

Why are we doing this to ourselves?

I believe it's because "our strength taken to an extreme becomes our Achilles Hell." (Not a typo).

And for many of us, our "strength" is that we want to be a good person. We want to be responsible.

So we go to work and take care of customers and coworkers. We come home and take care of our family. In our community, we take care of friends, neighbors, the people on our church committee, community association board, local sports team or service club.

The question is, are we so busy taking care of everyone else - we have neglected our own priorities, dreams and goals? At what cost?

I believe it's not selfish to do more of what puts the light on in our eyes, it's smart. Here's why I've come to believe it's important to set our SerenDestiny in motion now - not someday.

Several years ago, I had breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, (one of the world's largest networking organizations.) After hearing about my full calendar and nonstop travel, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to do work I love that matters; it's just that I was going 24/7. (Sound familiar?)

My conversation with Ivan, a health-scare and several other wake-up calls motivated me to do a pattern interrupt.

I gave away 95% of what I owned and took my business on the road for a Year by the Water. I visited oceans, lakes, rivers and waterfalls and wrote about my adventures and insights.

(And yes, I realize how fortunate I am to be at a certain age and stage in my career where I had the freedom, autonomy and wherewithal to do that.)

Do you know what I didn't predict? That my Year by the Water ended up NOT being about the water.

Yes, I swam with dolphins, sailed the Chesapeake Bay and had many memorable times in, on and around the water.

But what turned that trip into a life-changer were the unplanned experiences and disruptive epiphanies that caused me to realize my S.O.P - Standard Operating Procedure - was sadly outdated.

To my surprise, I discovered many of my default beliefs/behaviors - what I thought were right, true, and good - were wrong.

For example, I discovered:

• Hard work is not the secret to success, it's not even close • We need to quit watering dead plants • Fun is not a four-letter word • It's never too late to have a fresh start * Self-sacrifice serves no one • You’ve got to have a dream for a dream to come true

Many of the people I met during my travels told me they felt conflicted, torn, locked into a lifestyle that's nothing like they imagined or expected.

On one hand, they're grateful for their kids, spouse, job, etc.

On the other hand they feel they don't have the freedom to do what makes them happy. The well-meaning model of being responsible to everyone but yourself is producing a generation of unhappy, unhealthy people who are leading a life that is nothing like the one they want and deserve to lead.

It’s time to disrupt what being a “good person," what leading a "good life" looks like.

Rest assured, I am not suggesting we ignore others' needs and think only of our own. I'm suggesting we get clear about our values and priorities - and start creatimg a life that's more in alignment with that NOW, not someday.

What really matters to you – now and in the long run - is deeply personal. Only you can figure out what that is for you.

The good news is, this SERENDESTINY site (and my upcoming book Someday is Not a Day in the Week) can help you start putting yourself back in your own story.

I hope you'll come back and visit frequently. You may find just the right quote, eye-opening insight or inspiring success story to motivate you to do something TODAY that puts the light on in your eyes.

Trust me, you will never regret clarifying what puts the light on in your eyes and bringing more of that into your life; you will only regret not doing it ... sooner.