The Trip to China That Almost Didn't Happen

I am here in the deserted lobby of the 5 star JiaHua Hotel in Beijing at 4 am, reveling in - and writing about - the extraordinary experiences I’ve had these past few days. What a privilege it was speaking for an appreciative audience of 1800 people at China’s 12th Annual Direct Selling convention. I even had a rather unique Justin Bieber experience (minus the screaming girls) and was mobbed after my presentation by eager picture-takers.

I luxuriated in jasmine hot springs, had my toes nibbled on by tiny fish, enjoyed the benefits of a rigorous head-to-toe Thai massage, and was hosted 24-7 by Ms. Cathy, my gracious interpreter who attended to my every need (pictured here with my lucky Mr. Blue Heron journal, flying with his Chinese brethren).

What I’m embarrassed to tell you is … this trip almost didn’t happen. Here’s why.

I’m normally an adventurous person. A frequently-asked question these past 12 months on my YEAR BY THE WATER has been some version of, “How did you get the courage to give away 95% of your possessions and take off on the road … all by yourself? That’s so brave. I could never do that.”

Well, I never thought setting off on this venture was brave. I grew up riding horses. Even when we were 8 and 9 years old, my sister Cheri and I would be gone all day riding with our friends and our parents never worried. If something went wrong, and things often did, they trusted us to “figure it out.”

What if our bridle broke and we’re out in the middle of nowhere? Figure it out.

What if we got bucked off or our horse ran away with us? Figure it out.

I’ll always be grateful to Mom and Dad because the underlying theme of our growing up years was “Life is an adventure; you're supposed to get out in the world and experience it.”

Instead of seeing the world as a dangerous place to be scared of – we grew up seeing it as a safe place to explore. Instead of worrying “What if something goes wrong?” we kind of expected things to go right. If things did go wrong, no worries, we had faith we could figure them out.

So, I was shocked when a course of events led me to “playing it safe” and almost backing out of this China trip. Here’s what happened.

My sister (who’s run my business for 15 years) and I have been negotiating this trip for more than three months. We finally signed the contract two weeks (yes, two weeks, and no, that’s not the norm) before I was to jump on a plane. In the confirmation email, our contact casually mentioned I needed to get a visa.

Need to get a visa?! That had never been mentioned in the three months of negotiating this trip. I’ve had the privilege of speaking around the world – from South Korea to Germany – and never had to apply for a visa before.

I went online to research it and discovered you couldn’t do this online; you needed to go to a Chinese consulate in your state of residence, apply in person and return four-five days later to pick up the approved visa.

Well, that was a deal-breaker.

I’m on the road, my schedule’s fully committed with clients the next two weeks, and I’m nowhere near my home state (not that I even have one anymore).

Plus, the fact that this requirement had come “out of the blue” at this late date made me wonder, “What else hasn’t been mentioned that I need to know?”

Then, a fluke event threw me even deeper into doubt. The day I found out about the visa requirement was the day numerous major internet sites crashed. As you may remember, there were a lot of theories about who caused this and why – and one of the theories was that China or Russia was behind this cyber-attack.

Yikes. Normally, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but all of a sudden I had big trust issues with this trip. I was flying half-way around the world to a country where I didn’t speak the language and was putting myself in the hands of people I didn’t know. What if the internet went down while I was there and I had no way of contacting loved ones? What did I really know about this organization anyway?

There was another factor contributing to my rapidly multiplying doubts. Over the years, I’ve learned to compartmentalize my travels so I don’t get overwhelmed. I focus on one event at a time as the date gets closer, and that works just fine.

But our contact had not sent us ANY details about my speaking engagement. I didn’t know what hotel I’d be staying at, the event logistics or audience profile, whether there’d be simultaneous translation, etc.

We normally have ALL the W’s – Who, What, Where, When, Why – spelled out months in advance on our contract, but that hadn’t happened with this particular client and I hadn’t been paying attention. Red flags were flying.

I’m a fan of Mary J. Blige’s “No More Drama,” but I found myself uncharacteristically consumed with doubts and fears about this trip. Normally, I wouldn’t think of backing out of a commitment, but I wasn’t sure I could trust this organization. Should I get on that plane or not?

Well, enter my son Tom and daughter-in-law Patty to the rescue. I called them for advice and spelled out the situation. They had been to China and I trusted them to offer a much-needed fresh, objective perspective.

Thank heaven for Millennials and their wise counsel and proactive mentality.

Two minutes into our conversation, Tom had already Googled where I was staying, (Denver), and told me, “Mom, there’s a place called Mile High Visa that has a courier service that can handle this for you. They’ll pick up your application, process it, and return it to you.

Plus, there’s no need to put yourself at the mercy of someone you’re not sure you can count on. Here’s the contact info for the U.S. Embassy in China. Print it out and take it with you. If anything goes wrong, head there. Be sure to get an international phone card for your cell. And write your contact today and tell her exactly what you need from her to feel safe making this trip.”

Patty chimed in to say there was English signage throughout Beijing so I would be able to find my way around if necessary. “We loved our trip there, found the people very friendly, and look forward to going back some day.”

That was enough to “flip the mental switch” from the left side of the ledger where doubts and fears reside - to the right side of the ledger where faith and trust live.

If you know me, you know I love to juxtapose things. I think it’s the quickest way to make complex ideas (and decisions) crystal clear.

What do I mean by juxtaposition? Get a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the center. The left column stands for what’s WRONG. The right column stands for what’s RIGHT.

Or the left column stands for what SABOTAGES or COMPROMISES our effectiveness and success. The right column stands for what SUPPORTS and CONTRIBUTES to our effectiveness and success.

Or, the left column stands for the PAST, the right column stands for the FUTURE.

You get the idea. When you are trying to make a decision, you can put down all the CONS and WORST CASE SCENARIOS (reasons to say NO or NOT GO) on the left. Put down all the PROS and the BEST CASE SCENARIOS (reasons to say YES or TO GO) on the right.

When I did this, it was clear to me that I had drifted over to the doubts and fears on the left side of the ledger because I had AN ABSENCE of INFORMATION.

Anxiety is defined as “not knowing.” I didn’t know what was happening and that absence of information caused a mild state of panic. When we don’t know, we start filling in the blanks, and those blanks often dwell on worse-case scenarios.

But, as Tom and Patty demonstrated, lack of information can be fixed. They gave me tangible resources that helped me regain confidence I could take care of myself and “figure it out” if things went wrong. They filled up the right side of the ledger with their positive experience and expectations that I could have the same.

I needed to do one more thing. When facing a big decision, I’ve always advised my sons to “take the bolder of the options.” I needed to project ahead and ask myself, “Would I regret being a ‘chicken’ and backing out of this trip?”

I think backing out of things is a slippery slope. It’s easy to start being cautious. Playing it safe can become a habit. That’s not who I want to be ... and that's not the path to our SerenDestiny.

George Bernard Shaw said, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

We have a choice when considering whether to take a trip – and I mean “trip” in every sense of the word. Trip to a new job. Trip to a new country. Trip to a new relationship. We can stay on the left side of the ledger and focus on worries and worse-case scenarios and talk ourselves out of going.

Or we can focus on the right side of the ledger, secure the information we need to feel safe, see the world as an adventurous place waiting to be explored and experienced ... and GO.

I chose the right side of the ledger and I’ll always be glad I did.

People Can't Jump On Your Bandwagon If It's Parked in the Garage

“If you don’t go, you’ll never know.” – Robert De Niro

Many of us operate with the opposite of Robert De Niro’s insight.

If we don’t know; we don’t go. The problem with that?

By definition, anytime we try something for the first time, anytime we launch a new venture ... we DON’T KNOW what we’re doing.

If “knowing what we’re doing” is a prerequisite for moving forward … we never move forward.

Yikes.That’s where GTS comes in. What’s GTS? Let me explain.

A year after my son Andrew graduated from VA Tech with a business degree, we were having dinner.

Andrew had “lucked out” and found a job as an executive recruiter. He was the envy of his college buddies because he was working in a classy downtown office building, making good money and working for a respected, well-connected industry icon who was arranging for him to do neat things like work at events with President Obama and Tony Bennett. Not the normal career trajectory.

Yet, as Andrew talked about his work, I could tell the light had gone out in his eyes. There was no spark. In fact, he used a word I’d never heard him use before. Exhausted.

I asked, “So, are you going down to VA Tech this weekend for Homecoming?”

“Nah. By the time I’d drive down there, I’d only have a few hours before I’d have to turn around and come back. I just don’t have the energy. I’m exhausted.”

Exhausted?!? How could that be? How was it this normally energetic 20-something who "had it all" was feeling burned out?

I asked, “Andrew, what’s up?”

He said, “Mom, I want to quit. I'm grateful for this job, but sitting inside all day at a computer researching job openings and making cold calls is not what I was born to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Andrew said with a huge smile,. “I want to start a non-profit.”

I have to admit, a conservative person I didn’t even know existed in me popped up and perched on the tip of my tongue. This person wanted to say, “Non-profit?! Do you know how many non-profits are going out of business because donations have dried up? How are you going to pay bills? What about health insurance?”

Thank heaven a wiser voice in me prevailed that asked, “Isn’t this exactly what 20-somethings ought to be doing at this stage of their life?. If Andrew doesn’t go for what he wants now, he may never get a chance later. Good for him for wanting to do work that matters. His dream deserves to be supported, not shut down.”

So, instead of bringing up all the reasons this might not work, I said, “Andrew, you’ve always been resourceful. If you apply yourself and put your mind to it, I know you can pull this off.”

You may be thinking, “But how could Andrew pull this off? He’d never run a non-profit before. He doesn't even know what it takes to make this a success.”

That’s true, and that’s where GTS comes in. GTS stands for Google That Stuff. (As you can imagine, Millennials sometimes substitute another word for stuff.)

Andrew thanked his boss for giving him that job opportunity right out of college – and then promptly got online and Googled “How can I start a non-profit?”

Up came dozens of resources – all telling Andrew exactly what steps he needed to take to "get his bandwagon out of the garage" - how to get a license, develop operating procedures, find a team, develop a website and get funding.

In the course of one year, Andrew recruited 20 (!) interns and found a collaborative work space at the Affinity Lab in Washington DC. It was the ideal environment to get other people on his bandwagon. For example, someone a couple desks over would ask, “Andrew, what are you working on today?”

Andrew would say, “I’m applying for a grant,” and she would say, “Oh, I did that last year. You can borrow my grant proposal and use it as a template.”

Or, he'd admit he'd run into an obstacle finding a location for one of his activities, and that person would say, "Here's the phone number of ____. Call her and let her know I referred you to her." Voila, That lead was exactly what he needed to jump the chain of command and arrange for a water-sports event at a local lake park.

Andrew never had to go it alone as he was surrounded by others who shared and supported his vision and had his back … and front.

The result? Dreams for Kids/DC has sponsored hundreds of adaptive athletic programs for kids with disabilities and gotten them off the sidelines and into the games of life. They have sponsored Extreme Recess clinics with the Washington Nationals, Capitals, Wizards, Mystics and United soccer teams, and made a positive difference for thousands of young people through their Dream Leader programs in schools and their annual Holiday for Hope program at Howard University.

The point? None of this would have happened if Andrew had given up before he started because he ... “didn’t know what he was doing.”

If there’s anything I’ve learned after interviewing hundreds of people about how they set their SerenDestiny in motion – it’s that PEOPLE CAN’T JUMP ON YOUR BANDWAGON IF ITS PARKED IN THE GARAGE.

What do you want to do? What would put the light on in your eyes? Are you hesitating because you don’t know what to do?

Remember – you don’t have to know to go. In fact, the only way you'll ever know is to go.

Get online right now and GTS that dream project that would put the light on in your eyes. . Phrase what you want to do as a question and put it into your favorite search engine – and up will come dozens of resources to help you on your way.

Want to write a book? Google "How can I write a book?"

What to become a ballroom dancer? Google "Where can I take ballroom dance lessons in this zip code?

Want to launch your own business? Google "How can I start my own ___ and then fill in the blanks, e.g., dog walking business, web design business?

Want this year to be your best ever? Want the light on in your eyes? Don't wait until you have all your ducks in a row. GO! GTS what you want to do. And then get your bandwagon (your dream project) out of the garage and get moving.

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Want an update on Andrew Horn? After ensuring the continued leadership of DFK-DC, he has launched a new "bandwagon." Check out TRIBUTE

Want more insights on how to get your bandwagon out of the garage? Check out other posts on Sam Horn's website SERENDESTINY which shares inspiring lessons-learned from her Year by the Water and tips on how you can create a love you love that matters.

Waiting For Your Ship To Come In?

I was in California recently to speak for the Central Coast Writers Conference. The day before my presentations, I headed to Morro Rock for an early morning walk.  As I explored the waterfront, watching the playful otters float and nurse their babies on their bellies, I noticed some people gathered on the shore, eagerly gazing out toward the mouth of the bay. Curious, I walked over and asked, “What’s going on?”

The man closest to me said, “Oh, the San Salvador is arriving this morning.”

“What’s the San Salvador?”

“It’s a fully-rigged replica of the Spanish galleon - Cabrillo's flag ship - that discovered California. It should be here any minute.”

What a serendipitous discovery. To put this into context, every morning I listen to Colin Hay’s “Waiting For My Real Life to Begin” with its haunting lyrics about how many of us wait for our ship to come in. It’s a way to remind myself THIS is my real life and it’s up to me to create what I want - not wait for it to show up.

So, I walked to the point, peering through what the locals like to call a "marine layer" for my first glimpse of the ship. There it was emerging from the fog. A magnificent sight. I laughed as this thought occurred, “My ship just came in!”

This story doesn't stop there. In fact, it just keeps getting better and better.

The next day I closed my conference keynote with the story of that special moment watching the San Salvador sail into the harbor. I added though that:

“Writers don’t wait for their ship to come in; they write their way out to it.

In fact, entrepreneurs – and writers are creative entrepreneurs - launch their ship. At their core, they’re designed and destined to explore. They set sail with their ideas and stories. They do not wait for perfect conditions. They know the value is in the voyage. They understand discoveries don’t happen in inertia. Setting a vision in motion is what makes it tangible which is where you reap the rewards. Writers understand it's crucial to maintain confidence in their creative venture. Their role, their responsibility, is to launch … always to launch.”

Well, as soon as I launched that story,  rewards started showing up.

A woman came up after my keynote and said, “Sam, my brother in law is actually in charge of the San Salvador Project. I’m sure he’d be glad to give you a tour.”  Which is how I found myself interviewing Captain Ray Ashley below decks on the San Salvador the following day.

I hope you’re ready, because you cannot make up the stuff you’re about to read. You know what I've learned about stories? Fact is more fascinating than fiction.

What Captain Ray Ashley told me is a quintessential example of what can happen when we get an idea - and the facts indicate this can’t work and the finances aren’t there – but we choose to launch anyway.

This true story proves that if we keep the faith that what we're trying to build is worthwhile - mini-miracles can unfold if we set our project in motion and give community an opportunity to jump onboard.

Here’s what happened.

The San Diego Maritime Museum originated the idea of creating the San Salvador and asked Ray to head up the project. Ray told me, “As a historian, I know it’s important for origin stories to be associated with a physical object. As soon you turn something conceptual into something concrete (think European immigration to America and the Mayflower); people are more likely to relate to it.

So, we thought the discovery of California (by the Spanish, multiple Native American tribes already lived here) would become even more ‘real’ and relevant if we built a working replica of the ship people could see, touch and walk on.”

The only problem? Their research estimated it would cost $6.2 million to build the ship. The entire annual operating budget of the San Diego Maritime Museum was $4.6 million. So, on paper, the facts and finances didn't add up. Logically, it didn’t make sense to launch the project.

Thankfully, Ray said, the people in San Diego believed this project was worth doing and the project was approved. It was poartially due to that incredibly supportive community that the project team made a crucial decision that directly led to the success of their venture.

They decided to build the ship in PUBLIC instead of in PRIVATE.

Ray told me, “If you operate in isolation, if you're the only one providing the energy, ideas and vision; sometimes that’s not enough. But if you construct a project in public, well, people see what you're doing and want to get on board. They’re eager to be part of something they can be proud of.

We arranged for the San Salvador to be built in plain sight, right next to a busy freeway. Within weeks, we had 50 volunteers showing up every single day.

These were ‘lay-people’ saying, ‘Put me to work. How can I help?’ and skilled craftsmen - nuclear physicists, shipwrights, architects - offering their years of valuable experience and expertise.

It was a blessing to have such an incredible team of individuals dedicated to making the project a success. And we needed those volunteers because they helped us persevere through one obstacle after another.

For example, our research showed there was only one wood strong enough and dense enough to carry the weight of this ship, and that was white oak.

The challenge is, there’s not much white oak left. We finally found a supplier and, imagine this, bought up the entire world’s supply of white oak.

Now, no tree grows in the shape of a ship. It took us months to mill the wood into the curves of the hull and sides. When that was done, we applied epoxy to about half the wood to make it waterproof. The only problem was, the epoxy was contaminated. Within 48 hours, the wood had started to curl and rot and was basically unusable. As you can imagine, we were devastated.

Thank heaven for the volunteers. When we told them what happened, one said, “You know, you should call this guy Jim who’s kind of an expert on living oak. It’s not white oak, but it’s close. You never know. Might as well check it out.”

Ray contacted Jim, and sure enough, living oak used to be protected but now it’s overgrown and Jim was able to supply them with enough wood to meet their needs … at a price they could afford.

Good news, right? Yes, but it was only a matter of time before they ran into another seemingly insurmountable obstacle.

It was time to embed lead into the hull to provide the necessary ballast, but the price of lead had skyrocketed and they could no longer afford it. So, they launched a creative “Get the Lead Out” campaign and invited people to donate any lead they might have lying around.

Ray said, “People were coming in with their fish weights, etc. We really appreciated what they were doing,  but it would take decades to accumulate the amount of lead we needed, a few ounces at a time.

We felt we had run into a dead-end. Once again, our volunteers saved the day. One said, ‘You know, I used to work for this contractor out in the valley that went out of business. I think they used lead for some of their projects. Maybe they still have some left on their property.’

Captain Ray got in touch and explained his situation to the executive. He said, “Well, let me look around and I’ll get back to you.”

The next day he calls Ray and says, “How much lead do you need?”

Ray says, “180,000 pounds.” The guy chuckles and says, “Well, I’ve got 190,000 pounds of lead and you can have it all.”

Fast forward. The ship is almost ready to launch. The challenge now is they have to get this heavy ship from the boatyard across the highway into the water. The problem is, they’re almost out of money and can’t afford to build what will need to be a steel bridge with rollers to transfer the ship.

Once again, their volunteers come to the rescue.

One says, “Well, I have a colleague who owns a home-moving business. I don’t know if he can help but he definitely knows a lot about transporting heavy objects from one place to another. Why don’t you give him a call?”

To make a long story somewhat less long, suffice it to say, this individual had wanted to upgrade his capacity to move heavy equipment like cranes, so he offered to build the steel bridge for the San Salvador - for free - so he could offer this option to his future clients.  Another "insurmountable" obstacle surmounted.

If you’ve ever built something, you know that every contractor uses an operational formula called the TCQ – Time, Cost, Quality - Triangle.

Essentially, it states that if you are willing to pay more money, you can increase quality and reduce time. If you don’t have much money, you may have to cut corners on quality. If you take more time, you can increase quality, but it will also increase costs. These three factors are always interacting, always in play.

However, one rule that is almost sacrosanct in the contracting-building-construction-project management industry is that the longer it takes to build something, the more it’s going to cost.

Guess what?

The San Salvador took three times longer than anticipated to build - and came in only a little over its original budget.

How can that be??

Well, I told Captain Ray I think he and the San Salvador team added a side to the TCQ triangle and turned it into a TCQC rectangle.

I think they proved that if you go public with your venture, if you ask for help and give people ways to contribute - they can actually reduce costs because they're using their six-degrees-of-separation to connect you with people who can supply your provisions, remove your obstacles and solve your problems.

The San Salvador team demonstrated the mini-miracles that emerge when we build projects with a TCQC - Time Cost Quality Community - Rectangle.

When you involve your community, they bring so much to the table in terms of experience, expertise, energy and strategic alliances, you ultimately reduce costs and time. Perhaps more importantly, you improve the quality of the experience for everyone involved and you scale the reach and positive impact of your venture.

When I visited Captain Ray that day in Morro Bay, there were lines of an hour or two to tour the San Salvador. People had traveled from around the country to see, touch and walk around the ship.

Ray said, “That was our vision and it’s enormously rewarding to see it come true. We gave donors and volunteers an opportunity to hammer their initials into the keel. We’ve had dozens of families show up where the dad or mom or grandparent proudly pointed out the part of the ship they worked on.

They feel like they're part of the story. They love telling the story of the ship they ‘helped build.’ They're so proud to be able to put their hands on something they helped bring into being.”

As I wrapped up my time with Ray, I couldn’t help but reflect on the many ways the San Salvador project is a perfect metaphor for my Year by the Water project.

I too launched a venture when the "numbers" weren’t there. I didn’t have a financial sponsor for this trip. If I had focused only on the logical aspects of this venture, (e.g., “Give away 95% of what I own? Set off into the unknown?!”) it didn’t add up, didn't make sense … on the surface.

But deep down, I knew this was important, what I wanted to do. I too wanted to explore our magnificent country. I too wanted to travel on and visit bodies of water. I too had faith this project would be meaningful for me and others. I too had to maintain my confidence this venture was worth doing – even when there were no guarantees.

I too went public and experienced an outpouring of support. I received gracious emails from my community saying, “Come to this lake where Helen Keller said her first word, ‘Water.” “I live near Walden’s Pond, come visit me.” “You can stay in our vacation home on Chesapeake Bay.” “Hang out on my houseboat in Sausalito.” “I have a Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired cabin in Pt. Reyes National Seashore. You can write there.”

And I'm here to tell you, a year after launching my “ship,” that the secret sauce of a successful project is indeed … COMMUNITY.

Yes, I’ve enjoyed the many places I’ve had the opportunity to experience. Yet it’s the people I’ve connected with who have made this adventure even more meaningful, even more of a QUALITY experience in every sense of the word.

How about you? What is the project you want to build, the creative venture you want to launch, the dream you want to achieve?

If you juxtapose it, if you put a vertical line down the center of a piece of paper, there may be some fears on the left side. Maybe the numbers don’t add up. If you consider only the facts, figures, left-brain logic, it may not “make sense” to head off into the unknown where there are no guarantees. As long as you stay focused on the left-side of the ledger, your project will stay in the boatyard.

However, if you switch over to the right side of the ledger and focus on your faith that this creative project has value, your belief this adventure is worth doing, the meaning it might have for you and others… it will help give you the confidence and courage to set your creative vision in motion.

When you do, be sure to go public. Tell people what you're doing. Share your vision. Invite their input. Ask for their contributions. Enlisting your community adds an all-important ingredient to the equation.

A project that may have been unfeasible because it was dependent on the TCQ Triangle is now feasible because you’re adding the secret sauce of community.

You have just exponentially increased your odds of success because you won’t be operating in isolation, you won’t just be doing this for and by yourself.

You will have a TCQC - Time Cost Quality Community - Rectangle that is leveraging a group of people who are doing everything in their power to help you move your project forward because they are invested in its success.

And isn’t that what we want? Not just a meaningful, productive life where we're fulfilling our SerenDestiny and have the lights on in our eyes, but to have the privilege and opportunity to share what we care about with other people who care about the same things?

What is it you want to do? Launch it.

-     -     -

Sam Horn, Founder and CEO of the INTRIGUE AGENCY, helps people create respectful, collaborative one-of-a-kind communications and projects that add value for all involved.  Her inspiring TEDx talk and keynotes receive rave reviews from such clients as National Geographic, Intel, Cisco, Capital One, NASA, Accenture and Boeing.  Her work - including POP!, Tongue Fu!, and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in New York Times, Forbes, Fast Company and NPR and MSNBC.

Want more ways to lead a creatively productive life?  Read Sam's inspiring Year by the Water updates at  SERENDESTINY 

What Do I Know for SHORE?

Here at the point in Balboa Park near San Diego, CA. I’m smiling because I’ve decided that, as we near October 1st - the “official” end of my Year by the Water - I’m nowhere near ready for this to end.

As my friend Joan Fallon said, “Looks like this is transitioning into LIFE by the Water.” She’s right.

At this stage and season of life, if we're fortunate, we get to wrap our life around what we know for sure.

What I know for SHORE is I believe water is the best metaphor for life. What I know for SHORE is:

• I am happiest when I am by sun and water. • I am more creative when I am by sun and water. • I am more connected when I am by sun and water. • I am more healthy and active when I am by sun/water.

Ergo, since I am happier and more connected, creative, healthy and active when I am by sun and water … I shall continue to live on, in, by and around water.

I remember reading a poem years ago by Jenny Joseph called “When I Grow Old, I Shall Wear Purple.”

The essence of the poem is that in our “senior years,” we can finally stop playing by society’s rules and start honoring OUR interests, start doing what WE want to do.

I’ve always heard that if we go to a retirement home, we’ll find a lot of people who FEEL like they’re thirty inside who are wondering, “How did it go by so fast? I want it back.”

I don’t want it back. I want it NOW.

What I want is to continue to lead a life in alignment with my priorities and values. Those are:

• Staying connected with the people I love • Creating and contributing work I hope adds value • Exploring and experiencing this wonderful world of ours • Leading a life of SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in my eyes • Being healthy and living each day in grateful joy

For me, that means being by the sun and water.

How about you?

So, When Are You Going to Settle Down?

As we wrap up September and head into October, my Year by the Water is supposed to be “over.”   I’m getting emails asking “Where are you going to settle down?” or “What are you going to do when it’s over?”

Suffice it to say, I’m not ready for this to be over.  And the words “settle down” are not in my vocabulary.

Why would I want to stop having the best of all worlds?

I remember something James Taylor said while being interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning.  The reporter asked why it had taken him so long between albums.  Taylor said he had been touring non-stop and hadn’t had the time or energy to compose or create.

The reporter asked, “So, you took time off work?”

Taylor smiled and said, “I didn’t take time off work; I did a different kind of work.”

That’s how I feel.  I’m still productive, still speaking, coaching and consulting. I’m just doing it while traveling to bodies of water around the world and writing about my experiences and epiphanies.

I’m not taking time OFF work. I’m working in a new way - an even more meaningful, joyous way.

Sir Frances Bacon said, “Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity.  We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, melting like a snowflake.”

I know I’m fortunate.  I’m in a season of my life where I have the freedom, autonomy and health to do this.   I have a “portable” business I can run from anywhere.  My sons are grown, out in the world and thriving. As Tom and Andrew told me, “Mom, we got this.”  I understand one of the best gifts I can give them now is to model that we have the power to create our own SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in our eyes.

So, what’s next?  Well, I’m headed to Pismo Beach where I’ll be keynoting the Central Coach Writers Conference.  Then, on to DC to provide media training for NASA and to attend the Washington West Film Festival.  Then … CHINA.  More details on that coming up.

One of the many reasons I want to continue my Year by the Water is because there’s still so many places I haven’t seen yet.  I still haven’t been to Helen Keller’s lake where she said her first word, “Water.”  I still haven’t explored Hudson Valley, Lake Louise and Banff, and the Great Lakes, (which, by the way, is THE most frequently recommended body of water people say I should visit when I ask for suggestions.)

And, I’m looking forward to returning to Montana.  I was just there last week speaking for Senator Daine’s team.  State Director Charles Robison graciously arranged to take me fly-fishing on the Madison River, which was featured in the movie A River Runs Through It.  

Alas, I got food poisoning and this guy at the airport was the closest I got to fly-fishing.  So, I’ve got a sun-check (what we used to call rain-checks in Hawaii) to go back to Yellowstone and Big Sky Country.

How about you?  Are you doing what you want to do?  Even if you have responsibilities – you’re raising a family, taking care of your parents, working full-time plus, paying bills, out-of-work, dealing with a health challenge – what is one thing you could do this week that would put the light on in your eyes?  How can you bring more of that into your life on an ongoing basis?

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last year it’s how important it is for us to NOT WAIT for some future date to do what makes us happy.

I was having breakfast at an outdoor café near Morro Bay, CA on September 11.  A group of seniors at a nearby table were talking about how the country has “gone to hell in a hand basket” since then.  A rather grizzled gentleman in the group hadn’t said a word.  One of the women turned to him and said, “What do you think, Al?” He growled, “I think every day is a gift and we should act like it.”

Agreed.  Later that morning, I was driving through Santa Barbara on the way to LAX and stopped to get in my daily walk.  I encountered this stirring memorial on the beach by the pier.  I will always remember these flags, one for every person lost at the World Trade Center on 9/11, waving in the sea breeze.  A sobering reminder to cherish  ... every ... single ... day.

Golden Times

I’m here in Morro Bay this week as part of my Year by the Water. I am filled with sweet and bittersweet memories. This is the where my mom and dad lived – actually nearby Los Osos - for the last years of their life.

I remember holiday family reunions at their home, where my brother, sister and I returned as adults to gather around the table and go down Memory Row. For example, “Remember the Christmas Mom and Dad gave Dave a horse, and they got creative and placed some horse manure in a beautifully wrapped box to surprise him?"

I can picture it as if it were yesterday. Our entire extended family sat in a circle, each of us opening one present at a time. As soon as Dave unwrapped his gift, he knew what it meant. He threw the box up in the air and ran outside. Unfortunately, there was … gravity ... and the manure rained down on Mom’s beautiful red wool knit Christmas outfit.

One year, Dad (aka Warren Reed) rented ten horses and we made like Lawrence of Arabia and went riding over the sand dunes pictured in the background of this photo. What fun we had.

Dad also rented a large red canoe that held all ten of us and we paddled around the bay, getting up close to the herons, otters, seals, sailboats and pelicans.

As the Director of Vocational Ag Education for the State of California, Dad spent twenty years and thousands of hours driving around the state, visiting schools, county and state fairs, advising teachers and Future Farmers of America students on their projects.

Within weeks of retiring, he set off on a long-deferred dream to drive across America and visit all the national parks. It was something he’d always wanted to do – but had never had time due to his 7-day a week dedication to his job and serving others.

A week after setting off on his grand adventure, Dad had a stroke. Thankfully, he recovered, but he never did fulfill his life-long dream to see all those national parks.

A couple months after Dad had his stroke, I visited him from Hawaii and we went for a hike at nearby Montana Del Oro State Park. If you’ve been in this area, you know it’s a magnificent golden plateau with a trail that winds along dramatic sea cliffs that overlook the Pacific Ocean. It’s a great place to watch humpback whales, bask in the sun and sea breeze, and marvel at the foamy waves crashing on the shore below.

You know how you keep your head down when you’re hiking on uneven ground? Well, Dad and I were walking along with our eyes focused on the trail, when a premonition prompted us to look up.

There, fifty yards away, was a full-sized buck with an impressive rack of antlers. We had no idea where he came from or how he got there. There was no tall brush or trees, just an open field. the buck gazed at us without an ounce of fear. We gazed back at him.

If you live in California, you know that bucks simply don’t come out in the open. Even when it’s not hunting season, they usually head the other direction as soon as they get a whiff of human beings. This was so unusual, we both understood it was a gift, a blessing.

And so it is that I feel full-circle blessed experiencing this golden hour at Morro Rock. I am here with my sister and we too are going down Memory Row. Yes, we’re getting caught up on business, but we’ll also looking up in wonderment every once in a while as we marvel at our life-long journey together.

Cheri’s daughter is working in her business and helping with mine. Cheri is so grateful that Christina values what she does and has elected to learn the business and honor what she’s created. We talk about Andrew and Miki getting engaged, and Tom and Patty loving their son Mateo, and marvel that it seems like a few months ago we were riding horses over the dunes in Morro Bay.

As part of my 60th birthday weekend in Washington DC, my family, friends and I saw Woody Allen’s movie “Midnight in Paris.” In that movie, the lead character, Owen Wilson, longs to go back to the era when Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Salvador Dali and Gertrude Stein hung out in Paris together. Through film-making magic and suspension of disbelief, Owen’s character gets his wish and gets to go back in time and kibbitz with these creative geniuses at the height of their powers.

Toward the end of the movie, a woman finds out “Owen” has time-traveled and begs him to share the magic and make it happen for her. Her dream is to go back to the age of the Renaissance and meet Rembrandt, Monet and Matisse.

Owen takes her by the shoulders and beseeches her, implores her to understand what he's discovered, “No, THESE are the golden days, THESE are the golden times.” She doesn’t listen to him. She’s convinced the grass is greener somewhere, sometime, else.

I knew it then and I know it now.

Anytime we are fortunate to be with people we love, THOSE are the golden times. Every day we are blessed with health, THOSE are the golden days. Every moment we get to explore this incredible country of ours and experience her natural wonders, THOSE are the golden moments. Every hour we get to do work we love that matters with people we enjoy and respect, THOSE are the golden hours.

So, here’s to the golden times, the golden days, the golden moments, the golden hours. May we steep ourselves in these blessings, imprint and appreciate them - right here, right now.

Five Ways to Focus on What Matters Most

As 17-time Emcee of the Maui Writers Conference, I had the opportunity to talk with Poet Laureate W. S. Merwin under a gentle night sky at the Presenters Reception of our first Maui Writers Conference. 

The private reception was held on a white sand beach under a full moon. I had just written a book on Concentration   and asked Merwin, (our opening keynoter),“How do you define concentration? How has it played a role in your life?”

He told me that understanding the importance of concentration prompted his pivotal decision to move to Hawaii. I’m paraphrasing here because I did not write down what he said (that’ll teach me …-)

The gist of his decision was that he and his wife Paula knew that continuing to live in NYC meant they would be surrounded by distractions and temptations that would pull him away from the work he was born to do.

As an in-demand winner of a National Book Award and two Pulitzer Prizes, every night brought invitations to readings, dinners and charity balls. Merwin realized it would be oh-so easy to become part of the “glitterati.”

Merwin concluded his work as a poet would suffer as a consequence, so he and Paula made a bold move to Maui to raise palm trees and live a simpler life so they could focus on their true priorities. As he so eloquently said:

“I love both the city and country. But when I was in the city, I thought about the country all the time. And when I was in the country, I thought about the city some of the time. So, now, I live in the country … and go to the city sometimes.”

There's a man who knows what is important to him. A man who intentionally created a life where he is freer to focus on his top priority. He removed himself from an environment that would pull him off track and intentionally sought out an environment that was congruent with being creatively productive.

I’ve come to believe this is one of the biggest challenges – and opportunities – we face as IDEApreneurs and entrepreneurs. Our environment helps us or hurts us when it comes to “taking our work seriously.” If we are in an environment that surrounds us with temptations and distractions, our SerenDestiny® project may get delayed and/or never get out the door.

What do I mean by SerenDestiny®? It is leading a life where the light is on in our eyes. It’s a result of doing what we love most and do best. It's what happens when we take responsibility for sharing our creative gifts with the world.

Are you taking your creative career, SerenDestiny® project and legacy work seriously?

I’ve come to believe it is not selfish to sequester ourselves and become a less public person. If we truly believe our work will add value to the world, then it is up to us to stay focused on it instead of frittering away our time and talent on “lesser” activities that, in the long run, won’t contribute to the greater good.

This means setting boundaries and saying “No" to tempting requests for our time, attention and talent that won’t move our priority projects forward. You may be thinking, “I agree with this in theory, but it’s tough to do in practice.”

Agreed. Which is why I think each of us need to create clear, measurable policies about what we will and won’t commit to. Here are a few of my best-practice policies you can put into place to “Create A Cocoon of Concentration” to stay focused on what matters most so you FINISH it and get it out in the world.

1. REDUCE time online. Check your digital devices ONCE in the afternoon and AFTER you finish work instead of ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.

A recent study by MIT reveals we check our phone more than 100 times a day.  That is a misuse of time that could and should be spent on completing higher-priority work that will add value in the world.

2. Devote the morning to your SerenDestiny® project. I call this WAKE AND WORK.

Wake and Work means exactly what you think it means. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Don’t watch the news. Get up, walk the dog, grab your cup of coffee or tea … and then GET TO WORK.

Devoting your early-morning-energy to SerenDestiny® projects leverages that clarity that only comes when you’re not juggling multiple tasks. Tackle other tasks only after you have something tangible (two pages?) to show for your efforts. This sets up a feeling of accomplishment that makes you eager to come back and pick up where you left off.

3. Find Your Third Place.

The science of Ergonomics (the study of how our environment influences our effectiveness) states that your home is your First Place and your office is your Second Place. If you run a business out of your home, that’s your First and Second Place.

Ergonomic experts say it’s almost impossible to stay focused on creative projects in your First and Second Place because your environment keeps reminding you of the household chores or work tasks you customarily do in that space.

Your Third Place (i.e., a nearby coffee shop or a table in the back of your local library) is a public place where you get to work in private … in public. Instead of looking at a blank page and stalling because you have no energy, you get to piggy-back off the energy of others in the room. You’re more likely to achieve that sublime stream-of-conscious state of FLOW where you’re blissfully immersed in your project because you’re interruption and interference free.

Furthermore, does the name Pavlov ring a bell? If you commit to only working on your priority project in your Third Place; it sets up a ritualistic cocoon of concentration where you walk in, sit down and the faucet of flow opens up. The words will come out so fast, your fingers will hardly be able to keep up.

Many clients tell me their Third Place is their saving grace. It's the only time they're able to temporarily escape their other responsibilities and maketheirpersonal priority their top priority.

4. Announce an email sabbatical.

What are you here to do?  Are you frittering time away on things that won't matter in the long run?

Create an “Out of Office” response so people emailing you receive a friendly yet clear, “Thank you for getting in touch. I am working on my ( … fill in the blank …) this (Day? Week? Month?) and will be answering emails once a week each Monday. If this is an emergency or business communication, please contact my assistant who will happily help you. Thank you for understanding. I’m excited about finishing this (what project?) and look forward to launching it into the world. Your support is appreciated.”

5. Establish an across-the-board policy you won’t meet people for meals on weekdays. Or, offer to meet for a walk-talk in a park so you get outside, stay fit AND stay connected with friends.

You may worry you’re going to offend someone by taking yourself off the grid. You might want to ask yourself, “Am I supporting, everyone else’s priorities … at the cost of my own?” It is our responsibility to think big on our behalf … and to think long on our behalf.

What is the long-term cost of being available to other people 24/7? I am not suggesting we become a hermit. W.S. Merwin isn’t a hermit; he is simply selective about how often he takes time away from his work to be available to the public. He simply balances demands on his attention with his dedication to his poetry – which keeps the light on in his eyes and keeps him contributing at his highest level.

How about you? Is this the year you get your dream project out of your head and into the world where it can make a positive difference for others and a prosperous living for you?

My mom used to tell me, "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today." True dat.

You might want to print this out and post it where you'll see it every day to remind yourself that the ball is in your court to focus on what matters most ... today and every day, not someday.

Want more tips on how to F.O.C.U.S on what you want, when you want? Click here.

Want these techniques taught to your employees or association members? You're invited to contact my business manager Cheri Grimm at Cheri@intrigueAgency.com to discuss your group's priorities and to arrange for Sam to speak at your conference.

Inspiring Quotes for Creatives

“One day you'll wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things you've always wanted to do.” - Paulo Coelho When people tell me they're thinking about writing, I tell them, “Ideas and books in your head help no one.”

Have you ever thought of it that way? If you have EEE (Experiences, Expertise, Epiphanies) that would benefit others; it's almost selfish to keep them to yourself.

Writing doesn't come from arrogance, it comes from service.  It's an offering, a way of saying "Here are my lessons-learned. I hope they might be of interest and value to you."

Yet, many people start with the best of intentions and then life intervenes. They get distracted, busy, overwhelmed, tired.

They put their creative project aside to deal with other priorities - and never get back to it. That's a path to regrets.

Are you procrastinating, waiting for more time?  Face it. You'll never have more time than you have right now.  If you want results ... plant your bottom in a chair and start writing.

1. “If you wait for inspiration to write; you’re not a writer, you’re a waiter.” – Dan Poynter
2.  When asked the secret to finishing his 500 page masterpiece The Power of One, author Bryce Courtenay growled, “Bum glue!”
3. “If my doctor told me I had only 6 months to live, I’d type a little faster.” – Isaac Asimov
4. "Ideas are easy. It's the execution of ideas that really separates the sheep from the goats." - Sue Grafton
5. “Inspiration usually comes during work, not before it.” – Madeleine L’Engle
6. “I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired at 9 a.m. every morning.” – Peter DeVries
7. “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.” – Steve Martin
8. “I made a startling discovery. Time spent writing = output of work. Amazing.” – Ann Pachett
9. “Ever tried and failed? No matter. Try again and fail better.” – Samuel Beckett
10.  “It’s never too late – in fiction or in life – to revise.” – Nancy Thayer  
11. “If you want to write, you can. Fear stops most people from writing, not lack of talent. Who am I? What right have I to speak? Who will listen to me? You are a human being with a unique story to tell. You have every right.” – Richard Rhodes
12. “The way to resume is to resume. It is the only way. To resume.” – Gertrude Stein
13. “Best advice on writing I’ve ever received. Finish.” – Peter Mayle
14. “When I am writing, I am doing the thing I was meant to do.” – Anne Sexton
15. “You can sit there, tense and worried, freezing the creative energies, or you can start writing something. It doesn't matter what. In five or ten minutes, the imagination will heat, the tightness will fade, and a certain spirit and rhythm will take over.” – Leonard Bernstein
16. “I went for years not finishing anything. Because, of course, when you finish something you can be judged. I had pieces that were re-written so many times I suspect it was just a way of avoiding sending them out.” – Erica Jong
17. “Once you’ve done the mental work, there comes a point you have to throw yourself into action and put your heart on the line.” – Lakers basketball coach Phil Jackson
18. “The faster I write, the better my output. If I’m going slow, I’m in trouble. It means I’m pushing the words instead of being pulled by them.” – Raymond Chandler
19. “When you speak, your words echo across the room. When you write, your words echo across the ages.” – Chicken Soup for the Writers Soul author Bud Gardner
20. “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” – Carl Sandburg
21. “I don’t wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work.” – Pearl S. Buck
22.  "Planning to write is not writing.  Writing is writing." - E. L. Doctorow
23. "I think the worst, most insidious procrastination for me is research. I will be looking for some bit of fact to include in the novel, and before I know, I've wasted an entire morning delving into that subject matter without a word written." - James Rollins
24.  "Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone." - Pablo Picasso
25. "There's a trick I'm going to share with you.  I learned it almost twenty years ago and I've never forgotten it ... so pay attention.  Don't begin at the beginning." - Lawrence Block
26.  "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  You wait and watch and work and write; you don't give up." -Anne Lamott
27. "I write because I cannot fly, but words can, and when they land, worlds appear." - Susan Zeder
28. "If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." - Toni Morrison
29. Aviation Pioneer Chuck Yeager said, "At the moment of truth, there are either reasons or results."
30. “If you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.” – Rollo May. Author John Kotter said, "Do you know the #1 precursor to change?  A sense of urgency." It's time to feel a sense of urgency about getting your ideas out in the world. What's the story you're born to tell? The knowledge you'd like to pass along?  The legacy message that could inspire others?  The time to share it is NOW.                                                                                 Promise yourself you’ll sit down somewhere, sometime each day and take ten minutes to move your project forward. You will never regret getting your ideas into the world. You will only regret not getting them out there ... sooner.  As my mom used to tell me, "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today."              -   -   -   -   -   -   

SAM HORN, CEO of the INTRIGUE AGENCY, TEDx speaker and 17-time Emcee of the world-renowned Maui Writers Conference, helps people create one-of-a-kind projects - businesses, books, presentations, funding pitches -  that scale their influence for good.  Her work - including IDEApreneur, POP!, Tongue Fu!  and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - has been endorsed by Stephen Covey, Dan Pink, Tony Robbins, Marshall Goldsmith and featured inFast Company, New York Times, Forbes, INC.  Her inspiring keynotes receive rave reviews from such clients as NASA, Intel, Cisco, Accenture, National Geographic, EO, Four Seasons Resorts and Capital

What My Sons Taught Me about Asking for What I Really Want

I had an opportunity to meet up with my son, Andrew, who lives in NYC, recently.

Andrew knows I've been eating healthier these days, so he made reservations for, what I found out later, is considered one of the area's finest vegan restaurants. Since NYC is one of the food capitals of the world, that's saying something.

I arrived early and looked over what I thought was the menu. There was only 12 items on it and nothing I wanted to eat. It was succotash here, tofu there, broccoli everywhere. Nothing looked even vaguely appetizing or palatable to me.

Please know, I realize this place is a goldmine to veggie-lovers. However, up until 6 months ago, I would head the other direction at the first sign of peas and their brethren.

Then, I discovered, much to my amazement and delight, you can blend spinach (spinach!) and kale (KALE!) into a green smoothie and it actually tastes good … and is good for you.

Suffice it to say, this was a mini-miracle after 50+ years of avoiding vegetables. It’s changed my diet, my body and my life. Thank you Wildfit!

Back to the restaurant. The only thing I see on the menu I think I can get down is linguine with clam sauce. Andrew texts that he’s running late and suggests I go ahead and order for us. I do.

Andrew arrives with his ever-present skateboard. One of the many things I love about Andrew is he actually scoots around Brooklyn and Manhattan on a skateboard. Geesh, he even takes his surfboard on the subway to Rockaway Beach to re-unite with the ocean and get in some waves. As the saying goes, you can take the boy out of Maui, you can’t take Maui out of the boy.

I digress. Back to the restaurant, again. Our food arrives. Andrew takes one look at my steaming pile of linguine and says, “Mom, I thought you weren’t eating pasta.”

“I’m not.”

Double-take. Andrew looks at me, looks at the pasta. “Then, why did you order the pasta?”

“Andrew, it’s no big deal.”

He looks at me in consternation. “Mom, it is a big deal. You say you’re not eating pasta, but you just ordered pasta. I don’t get it.”

I try to brush this aside, to focus on what I think is important. “Andrew, really, let’s just have our meal. We only have a little more than an hour together before I need to Uber to the train.”

Andrew persists, “Mom, why did you order something you didn’t want?”

I can see he isn’t going to let this go (good for him) so I try to explain my thought process.

I said, “Andrew, I didn’t see anything on the menu I wanted, but we only see each other every few months, and we only have a little bit of time tonight, and I didn’t want to make an issue of it. So I ordered the only thing I thought I could eat.”

Here’s what he says. “Mom, do you know what a mixed message that sends?”

Wow. I never thought of it that way. I realized, in that moment, I’ve been doing this most of my life.

My default is to do what I hope will contribute to a peaceful interaction. I do this with what I think are good intentions.

My thought process was, “Andrew’s gone out of his way to book us a table at a special restaurant. But if I say there’s nothing on the menu I want, that would hurt his feelings, and I want us to have a nice dinner, so I’m not going to say anything because I don’t want to make an issue of it.”

But what I don’t realize is, I AM making an issue of it. In fact, I am creating confusion. I'm creating an undertone of dissonance.

I know I’m extrapolating by speaking for women in general … but hey, let’s go there.

This is why men can never figure out what women really want. We never say what we truly want.

With the best of intentions, we project what we think other people want, and then say that’s what we want, because what we want is for the people we care about to be happy.

The irony is, sublimating what we want doesn’t make other people happy; it makes them WRONG.

Like Andrew, they see or sense we’re doing something contrary to what we want. And that’s not what they want. They want us to be happy too.

So, what we end up with is two people trying to make each other happy … and no one is happy.

Oh, what tangled webs we weave.

Thank heaven Andrew got to the heart of the matter. He asked, “Mom, what do you want to eat?”

This time, I told him straight out, “A steak.”

He said, “We can do that.”

He asked our waiter to package up the food (he and Miki would have it later). We headed to Whole Foods, a block away, bought some steak and salmon for me, some salad for him, walked to a nearby park and sat outside under a full moon getting caught up, each of us eating and enjoying what we truly wanted.

Now, you might think I got clarity around this, but no. Seems lifelong habits take awhile to change.

A couple weeks later I'm in Houston with my son Tom, who works at NASA’s Johnson Space Center with the International Space Station, along with his wife Patty, who has the world's greatest job title, Astronaut Scheduler.

I got to play Gramma Sam and help take care of 2 year old Mateo while Patty was in Moscow, serving as a liaison to the Russian Space Agency. An enduring memory was watching Tom, Patty and Mateo connect on SKYPE. As Mateo blew kisses to his “screen-mom,” halfway around the world, I thought, “Now, that’s a modern family!”

After Patty signed off for the night, Tom says, “A new seafood place just opened on the Keemah waterfront. Want to try it tomorrow? After all,” he says with a grin, “You ARE still on your Year by the Water.”

“Absolutely, I’m in the mood for some shrimp.”

The next evening, we arrive early before the crowd. Our waitress shows us to our table and comes back a moment later with our iced tea and water. She asks, "Would you like an appetizer?"

I look at Tom and ask, "How about some shrimp?"

"I thought you were going to have shrimp for dinner."

“I am.”

“You want shrimp for an appetizer AND for dinner?”

I hesitate. It sounds weird. I defer, “What looks good to you?

“Empanadas."

“Will Mateo eat them?

“Yep.”

“Let’s get those.”

You see where this is going, don’t you?

Sure enough. The empanadas come. Tom puts one on my plate.

I put it back and say, "Thanks Tom, I'm not going to have one."

He gives me the exact same look Andrew gave me. "Mom, why would you let me order something if you knew you weren't going to have any?"

I cannot believe I reverted to my default. I tell Tom, "I obviously didn't learn this lesson, because I did the same thing with Andrew a couple weeks ago."

One of the many things I love about Tom is he cuts to the chase. He said, “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

I said, “Tom, I’m just coming to realize that I grew up automatically deferring to what I thought others wanted in a misguided attempt to keep the peace and keep everyone happy.

You and Andrew are showing me that I do this without even thinking, and that even when I do it with the best of intentions, it produces the exact opposite of what I want.

You're right, it would have been so much cleaner if I had said, 'Tom, I actually do want shrimp as an appetizer and as my entrée. If you want something else, that's cool. I'm still going to get a shrimp cocktail.”

Tom said, “Exactly. When you say what you want, I don’t have to wonder what you really mean, or wonder if there’s a hidden agenda somewhere I don’t know about.”

“I get that. A long time ago, you, Andrew and I agreed we would tell each other the truth. It un-complicates communication and makes life so .. much ... simpler.

We agreed that back-and-forth – ‘What movie do you want to see?’ ‘I don’t care, what movie do YOU want to see?’ - is crazy-making. We promised each other we much rather hear the truth – because we can deal with that – than have to read between the lines and second-guess everything the other person is saying.”

Tom looked at me as if this ought to be a “duh” moment. It’s crystal clear to him and Andrew how much simpler it is just to say what we want. It’s taking me awhile to undo decades of “going along to get along” deferring.

To use a water metaphor, every time we ask for something we don't want, it sets a ripple effect  of dissonance in motion.

In my upcoming book about the experiences and epiphanies from my Year by the Water, I go into more detail about how this trip - which gives me time, space and autonomy to make it up as I go - has opened my eyes to the fact that it's been so long since I’ve had the freedom to do exactly what I want ... I don’t even know what that is anymore. It's so buried, I've had to excavate it.

It can be as simple as realizing I really do want to stay in places ON (not close to) the water. For the first few months, I over-rode that preference and abdicated what I wanted in order to be frugal. I would stay at a resort near the water but opt for a cheaper room. Fifteen years of being a single mom who needed to be budget-minded kept kicking in, telling me I needed to save money.

Thank heaven for Glenna Salsbury. I was telling her about the JOY I felt the week before when I upgraded and walked into a beach-front room with a stunning view of the Pacific Ocean.

The ever-wise Glenna said, succinctly and eloquently, “Sam, this is your Year by the Water. Wouldn’t you rather spend 6 months overlooking the ocean than 12 months overlooking the parking lot?”

Boom.

Thank you Tom, Andrew and Glenna for opening my eyes to a life-long default that hurts rather than helps.

Starting today, I will remember  it works better for everyone when I ask for what I truly want - clearly, simply, and from the beginning.

Contrary to what we may have been taught, this is not selfish. It is a precursor to heartfelt happiness.

If we all do this, we can deal with what IS instead of complicating matters, creating confusion, and setting up an undertone of dissonance and unintended deception.

Tom and I agreed, from now on, the word PASTA is going to be our CODE for hedging on what we really want.

"ARE YOU ORDERING THE PASTA?" will be our short-hand for "Are you saying what you think I want - instead of coming straight out and asking for what you want?"

How about you?

When it comes to asking for what you want - what was modeled for you, taught to you, growing up?

Are you constantly deferring to others? Has it been so long since you've tapped into what you really want, you no longer know what that is?

Are you comfortable stating what you want - or do you automatically go along with what other people want - thinking it will lead to peace and happiness?  How does that impact you and the people around you?

I still have a lot to learn around this. I look forward to hearing your insight.

-    -    -

Why Are We Drawn to Water?

Are you drawn to water?  Do you love being in, on, around or by it?  Why?

For me, water is the perfect metaphor for reflection. It’s not just that water feels like “home.” (After all, we are 65% water., All of us are  bodies of water.)

It’s not just that water is beautiful, calming, powerful, musical and  inspiring … all at the same time.

It’s not just that water is a muse. (Much like some people drop into a hypnotic state gazing at fire, I lose myself in a writer’s reverie while gazing at and working by water.)

It’s not just that it’s the perfect forum for freedom of movement. (We can swim in water. Float on it. Sail, boat; paddle board, raft and surf on it. Dive in it. Walk and run around it. Splash, play and revel in it.)

For me, it’s the dynamism of water that makes my soul sing. The multi-faceted nature of it. The many yin-yang forms of it. The metaphorical epiphanies facilitated and fostered by it.

Just think of all the thought-provoking quotes associated with water.

1. “I feel most at home in the water. I disappear. That’s where I belong.” – Michael Phelps (Me too. I feel at home by, in, on and around water. Although I don’t disappear. I come alive.)

2. “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts (Yes, I trust and am relaxing into this experience. When people ask how my Year by the Water is going, I tell them, “Swimmingly.”)

3. “The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” – Isak Dineson (It rarely happens, but if something goes wrong, all I have to do it get in water and it washes away the worries.)

4. “Being on a boat that’s moving through the water, it’s so clear. Everything falls into place in terms of what’s important and what’s not.” – James Taylor (Agreed. Water produces clarity and instant perspective.)

5. “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” – George Eliot (One of the reasons I set out on my Year by the Water adventure is because I wanted to experience the angels and imprint the golden moments now, not some day in the far off future … or never.

I believe that SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in our eyes - is not something we sit around and hope for - it's something we take responsibility for)

6. “Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river.” – Jorge Louis Borges (Water and time are indeed Rorschach tests. How we view them often reveals how we view ourselves.)

7. “Luck affects everything. Let your hook always be cast; in the stream where you least expect it there will be a fish.” – Ovid (I am reveling in open days. They are lucky hooks that catch unexpected streams of blessings.)

8.  “I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.” – Isaac Newton (People ask where I’m going to return to when my year’s up. I’m not going to return to anything. I’m not going back to who I was or where I lived. There’s an ocean of truths I’ve yet to explore. Onward. )

As I travel around the country and visits oceans, bays, waterways, streams, rivers and waterfalls … I am thrilled with their capacity to fill me with wonder, appreciation and awe.

Water has become a non-negotiable for me. I’ve lived around and by the water for the past 29 years (Hawaii for 17 years and then on Lake Audubon and Lake Thoreau in Virginia for 12 years) When it’s time to find my next home (I’ve realized I don’t want to SETTLE DOWN. What a depressing phrase.

Settle means compromise and down equals depressed), I want to be like the settlers. The settlers headed west, exploring new country, scouting for a home that had just the right elements. Water. Good soil. Trees. Mountains. A way to do business or earn a living. When they found the right combination of elements, they didn’t settle down, they SETTLED IN.

 At some point, I will be ready to SETTLE IN. Not yet. When it’s time, like the settlers, my next home will be by water. For me, water is at the core of a right life.

How about you? Do you love the water? Why? What role does it play in your life? 

How does it inspire you, center you, feed your soul, heal you, nourish you, energize you, catalyze your creativity? How does it reconnect you with what matters?

I look forward to hearing what water means to you and how you keep it in your life.

-   -   -

Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, TEDx speaker, author of Conzentrate, Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? –  has the best of all worlds doing work she loves, speaking for such clients as NASA, National Geographic, Boeing, Cisco, Capital One, writing books/blogs that add value, and helping clients craft one-of-a-kind projects that scale their impact – for good.

Sam is practicing what she teaches and is on her Year by the Water - traveling to oceans, rivers, bays and bayous, writing about her water-related experiences and epiphanies. and sharing them via her blogs and presentations.  Contact us at 805 528-4351  to arrange for Sam to share her inspiring insights and stories at your next event. 

Currents of Connection

The theme of this past week on my Year by the Water?

Connection. Actually, that’s the ever-present theme of my life. It’s what makes it all worthwhile, what makes it feel ... right.

I’ve been listening to Twyla Tharp’s New York Times bestseller The Creative Habit on Audible as I drive cross-country.  

I heartily recommend this inspiring book. If you’re taking a trip, it will make the hours and miles race by as she shares thought-provoking insights and examples of how we can make the muse our mentor.

Twyla believes that every creative project needs a “spine.” Everything builds on this spine. It’s the theme that holds the work together and makes it cohesive.

I thought, “Discovery is the ‘spine’ – the river - that runs through my Year by the Water. It’s what makes every day something I look forward to.

The discovery of exploring uncharted territory, and the privilege of writing about the resulting experiences and epiphanies, fill me with joy. I never know what’s around the next bend, which keeps me in a constant state of anticipation, which keeps the light on in my eyes.

What I realized though, and this is really important, is that discovery rides, rests and is rooted in a current of connection. It depends on knowing that my family and friends are with me, even when they’re not with me. Connection is what makes everything else sing.  Discovery is the North Star that guides me, Connection is the Holy Grail that grounds me.

One of the things I’ve discovered on my Year by the Water is there are many types of connection.

This past week in Houston, there was the connection of my son Tom, grandson Mateo and me going to what we instantly dubbed “Pokeman Park.” Tom and Patty have a ritual of getting 2 year old Mateo outside every day when they get home from work. They are blessed to have a lovely park with a pond and a playground 5 minutes from their house, and have logged many happy hours there at golden hour.

Tom and I decided to discover a new place so we headed to a park they hadn’t visited before. We laughed as soon as we saw the tell-tale signs of walkers, skateboarders and drivers all holding their phones out in front of them with the distinctive PokemanGO motion that means they’re triangulating the "pensar" or about to capture a "Bulbasaur."

What was different is how this game turned strangers,  who would probably otherwise not even talk to each other, into a connected community of people voluntarily and happily swapping tips and sharing directions to the nearest “gym.” Plus, this was a 100 degree day. Instead of staying inside, this game had motivated people to get off the couch and out of the house and connect with, and explore, their hometown.

So, that’s an example of how a gadget/game can actually connect people rather than isolate them.

Here’s another example of connection via tech.

Patty, who works in Mission Control at NASA's Johnson's Space Center, was in Moscow, acting as a liaison to the Russian Space Agency, for part of my visit. Yet, there she was, on the computer screen, sharing “dinner” with us thanks to the miracle of Skype. As I watched Mateo blow kisses to his mom halfway around the world, I thought, “Now that’s a modern family.”

There’s a third type of connection, and it involves feeling connected even when we’re not together in person.

When I moved to Hawaii in the early 1980’s, I was sad about leaving my good friends. My dad reassured me by saying, “True friendship doesn’t register time or space.” He was right. I didn’t leave those friends “behind.” When I moved back to Wash DC seventeen years later, we picked up right where we left off.

And that has been one of the most important discoveries of my life. True connection transcends time. True connection endures despite distance.

So it is with my sons Tom and Andrew, Patty, Miki, Mateo, family members Cheri, Christy, Joe and long-time friends Judy, Mary, Denise, Glenna, Joan, Jeanne, Gail, Mariah, Katie, Sue, Lee, Lynda and many others.

Some people, upon hearing about my Year by the Water, call me a “nomad.”

But a nomad doesn’t have a home. I have a home.y

My home is the ever-present connection I feel with my friends and family. They might as well be sitting right next to me as we explore this great country together

.

True connection lives in the heart. It is the river – the current – that runs through  our  life.  And I am deeply grateful for it.

Report from NOVUS Summit at the UN

People ask if I'm still speaking and consulting while on my Year by the Water. The answer to that is an emphatic YES.

In fact, it's like having the best of both worlds.

I get to travel the country, visiting unexplored territory (literally and figuratively) and writing about my experiences and epiphanies . . and I get to continue to do work I love, attending and keynoting conferences.

That's what happened last Sunday when I had the distinct honor of being a delegate to the NOVUS Summit at the United Nations.  Here are just a few of the highlights of that incredible day.

One of the speakers talked about there being two types of people in the world - those who wear a red cape and "fight bad things"- and those who wear a blue cape and "grow good things."

The speaker who originated this insight (and I would love to attribute this to the right speaker - so if you know who said this, please contact me so I can give credit where credit is due) claims we NEED BOTH red cape people and blue cape people.

We need people who are willing to step up, take on the dark forces and do something about them.

And we need people who initiate and create positive breakthroughs and technological advances that benefit us all.

(Personally, I think there is a third kind of person. Black cape people who choose to rant and rave or complain about what's wrong. It's tempting and oh-so-easy to do that. Especially when we watch what's happening on the news and are outraged, worried or discouraged by it. But .. it ... doesn't ... help. It only adds to the darkness - only amplifies what's wrong.)

Closing speaker Peter Diamandis, founder of the X Prize Foundation and co-founder of Singularity University, is a walking-talking example of a blue caper.

Whether it is his book on Abundance; or his passion and purpose for leveraging innovation in the various X Prize competitions; he is a model for how we can choose to allocate our time, attention and resources to creating initiatives that pro-actively address issues and add value for all involved.

As Peter says, "Lots of people dream big and talk about big bold ideas but never do anything. I judge people by what they've done. The ratio of something to nothing is infinite. So just do something."

Peter is a 100% blue cape DOER - as was every single one of the thought-leaders featured on Sunday including:

* Peabody winner and former head of the CNN International desk Parisa Khosravi, who asked the provocative question, "What if were to COME BACK to earth? Would we see it with fresh, more empathetic, proactive eyes?"

* astronauts Anousheh Ansari, Dan Barry and Scott Parazynski, who all made good on their childhood dreams of going into space and who are now leveraging what they've learned "up there" by applying it "down here."

* Maysoon Zayid, who has the most watched TED talk of 2014 with more than 7 1/2 million views. Within the first two minutes, we all understood why. Maysoon, an Arab-American actress, stand-up comic, philanthropist and advocate for the disabled, is a force of nature. As she says, "I'm like Shakira meets Muhannad Ali. I shake all the time. I have 99 problems; cerebral palsy is just one of them."

* Martin Seligman, often called the "Father of Positive Psychology," who gave this piece of deceptively simple - yet profound - advice. Before you go to bed tonight (and every night), ask yourself, "What are three things that went well today? How did I contribute to that?

I love this idea because it's a way to "blue cape" our perspective.

Think about it. When we reflect on our day, we have a choice.

We can focus on - and rant and rave about or be discouraged by - what went wrong (a black cape).

Or we can focus on - and celebrate, appreciate and elevate - what went well (a blue cape).

Choosing to focus on what went well renews our appreciation keeps our blessings front and center and top of mind.

Perhaps even more importantly, thinking about how we might have played a role in what went well helps us understand and own the fact that we can - in fact, we are - contributing to the well-being of ourselves and others', right here, right now

We don't have to be a thought-leader at the UN to be a blue caper.

That's wonderful and welcome. But on a daily basis, every single one of us can choose to focus on growing good things. And when we do, everyone benefits.

Kudos to Kunal and his team for creating an event that focused on and grew good things - not just for everyone in that grand hall - but for everyone who will be positively impacted by what was shared and initiated on Sunday.

Look Closer

Do you know one of the biggest lessons I've learned as a result of my Year by the Water and from 20 years of researching, writing and speaking about attention, concentration and focus? The quality of our life is directly proportionate to our quality of attention. 

Yet, as explained in Got Your Attention? … goldfish have longer attention spans than we do.

I’m not making that up. That’s from research by Harvard professor Nancy F. Koehn. Goldfish = 9 seconds. Human beings = 8 seconds.

What that means is we tend to rush through life distracted, impatient, perpetually on to the next thing.

At work, we're constantly interrupted and besieged with conflicting priorities.

We rarely really focus on anything. As a result, we don’t really connect.

The good news? There’s an antidote to this.

Three times a day, take three minutes to do this simple ConZentration Look Closer Exercise. Simply stop what you’re doing and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

As soon as you do, you will feel a newfound appreciation for that person or activity. You will find yourself really listening to that person. You'll find yourself more deeply engaged in that task. It’s amazing how accessible focused connection is. It is, literally and figuratively, a moment’s NOTICE away.

I’ve collected my six favorite quotes about seeing – with some added comments – and share them here. They're excerpted from Got Your Attention? (which Marshall Goldsmith says is a "must for every leader") and from ConZentrate – a book I wrote about how to stay focused in an unfocused world and which Dr. Stephen Covey endorsed as "Remarkable, thought-provoking, fascinating, motivating"

Hope you find them thought-provoking. You might even want to post a favorite quote where you’ll see it every day as a reminder to stop and really SEE who you’re talking to, SEE what you’re doing.

Taking the time to stop and SEE who you're with and what you're doing is the first step to creating SerenDestiny - a life where the light is on in your eyes.  It's the key to being IN your life and fully experiencing it rather than rushing through it and looking back with regrets, wondering where it went.  It’s the first step to staying focused at work instead of feeling constantly frazzled and frenetic.

Six Quotes on How to SEE Your Way to Improved Focus and Connection

1. The first words of our National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner, are, “Oh, say, can you see…” The real question is, “Oh, say do you see…”

2. “Nobody sees a flower, really, it is so small, we haven’t time, and to see takes time.” – Georgia O’Keefe As mentioned, to see takes time and intent. We must give our mind an order and decide to focus our attention on THIS thing for THIS amount of time.

3. “Develop interest in life, in people, things, literature, music. The world is simply throbbing with rich treasure, beautiful souls, fascinating people.” – Henry Miller There is no excuse, ever, for being bored. That is simply a lack of imagination and a lack of really seeing the miracles that surround us every single day.

4. “Life is postponed until further notice.” -Sam Horn The quality of your life is directly proportionate to the quality of your attention and connection.  Put yourself on NOTICE now.

5. “When the eye wakes up to see again, it suddenly stops taking anything for granted.” – Frederick Franck The second you really SEE someone or something; you’re flooded with renewed appreciation. Attention = appreciation.

6. “The whole of life lies in the verb seeing.” – Teilhard de Chardin Every time I see this quote, something deep within me says, “YES, emphatically YES.” Not seeing = not connecting.   Fully seeing = fully connecting.

-    -    -

Want more? Check out Sam’s books – Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? which Marshall Goldsmith calls "a must for every leader" and ConZentrate which Dr. Stephen Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People) endorsed as “Remarkable, fascinating, thought-provoking, motivating.”

Or, contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com to arrange for Sam Horn to present her GOT FOCUS? keynote to your convention or corporate meeting. Discover for yourself why her programs on how to focus and concentrate have received excellent ratings from NASA, been featured on NPR; and how they can help your employees be more focused, mindful, connected and productive at work.

Are You in the Desert of Your Dream?

It’s hard to believe, but it was only five years ago that Serena Williams suffered what could have been life/career-ending injuries, including two foot surgeries and a pulmonary embolism. Serena is quoted as saying she didn't know if she would "get out of the hospital," much less play tennis again. In 2011, her sister Venus Williams was diagnosed with ‪#‎SjogrensSyndrome‬, an auto-immune disease that causes numbness, joint pain, swelling and extreme fatigue.

Yet, today, Serena won her 22nd grand slam title at Wimbledon to tie Steffi Graf, and she and Venus are playing in the doubles final, (even though they were ranked #250 in the world and unseeded in the doubles draw of this tournament).

I can only imagine Serena and Venus were tempted to give up when they were in pain, when they could hardly walk. It would have been so easy to give up when all looked bleak.

But they wasn’t finished. They weren't willing to turn their backs on their talent. They believed they still had greatness in them.

Instead of abandoning their dream, they re-dedicated themselves and chose to use those setbacks as INCENTIVE vs. an EXCUSE.

As a result of re-committing themselves to doing and being their best and fighting for what they cared about, they’ve reached a much-welcomed oasis of success.

The beauty of this? Their success is not a mirage; it is a well-earned reality.

Their success is a result of deciding that what they wanted mattered enough to to persevere through the dark times … even when there were no guarantees.

How about you? Are you in the desert of your dream?

Are things not working out the way you hoped? Have you received bad news? Are people not seeing what you’re seeing, not believing what you’re believing?

If you’re an entrepreneur, are you not getting the clients or contracts you deserve?

If you’re in an organization, are you not getting the projects or promotions you deserve?

If you’re in between jobs, are you not getting the interviews, call-backs or offers you deserve?

Are you planning your own adventure - your own version of a Year by the Water - but it's not coming together as you hoped?

Could you choose to “pull a Serena?” Could you persevere like Venus?

Could you remember who you are and what you want and choose to live forward ... no matter what?

Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

Looking backwards, every successful person will tell you there were setbacks along the way that seemed unsurmoutable - that could have drained their conviction and caused them to quit.

Instead, they transcended those doubts and carried on through the down times. In doing so, they re-established momentum and moved closer to making their dream a well-earned reality.

As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” He also said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

If you are facing setbacks, remember who you are and what you want. Choose to see those setbacks as incentive rather than as an excuse.

Believe in your dream. Believe in yourself. Keep the courage. Continue.

On Any Given Day

Was on the road this morning and had a chance to watch Wimbledon. What a joy it is to hear Chris Evert's commentary. She flat out KNOWS what she’s talking about. So, when she said Serena Williams' last set in this morning’s match was the most DOMINANT set of women’s tennis she’s ever seen, that’s saying something.

Side note: (One of the most surprising – and welcome - compliments I’ve EVER received was back on HiltonHead Island, SC when I was co-managing Grand Slam champion Rod Laver’s tennis facility at Palmetto Dunes. I was a 4.5 tennis player, worked out with the boys’ team at high school, played for my college, etc.

Back then, I was tan, had long hair I wore in a pony tail much like Chrissie’s, and was uber-fit from playing every day. I was on a side court hitting with a friend at Sea Pines Resort during a break in the early-round Family Circle Cup matches. A small crowd had gathered watching my friend and I play. A pro shop staffer walked by, saw what was happening and beckoned me over. He said with a big grin, “Sam, they think you’re Chrissie.”

Now, I know they must not have known their tennis very well to make that comparison; but STILL, it put a huge smile on my face to even think someone would mistake me and my game for hers.)

Back to Chrissie and her commentary on Serena’s match.

Chrissie said, “Serena’s in the zone. Everything’s coming together for her, physically, mentally, emotionally. When you’re in that zone, everything you touch turns to gold.”

Then she laughed and said, “LIFE IS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN YOU GET YOUR FIRST SERVES IN.”

Wow. That simple statement, made in Chrissie’s zone, masterfully articulated what it’s like to be in that transcendent peak performance state where your game soars to another level and you feel you can do no wrong. You’re not even thinking about what you’re doing, you’re just simply, sublimely, DOING it.

Her observation about “getting our first serves in” contains rich metaphorical insight.

My friend Mary LoVerde talks about “the basics” in her transformational book The INVITATION.

Mary’s premise is that we all have basic actions in our life that are crucial to our well-being. These “basics” – eating right, exercising, writing in our journal, doing daily spiritual practice, staying connected to loved ones – are the foundation to a life that feels “right.”

If life is feeling “wrong” - or we’re feeling “bad” - it’s often because we’re not doing our basics. And most of the time, this is totally within our control to change.

All we have to do to FEEL BETTER is to bring our basics – our first serves - back into our daily life. It’s as straightforward as that.

When we’re doing the things that make us like ourselves and our life – we feel better.

When we're doing things that make us NOT like ourselves and our life – we feel bad.

This may sound simplistic, however as Einstein said repeatedly, the most brilliant things are.

This is a particularly timely reminder for me as I have recently reverted to NOT getting my first serves in.

I have been driving a LOT and sitting - and we all know sitting is our generation’s version of smoking in terms of how bad it is for our health.

I have not been eating healthy. I have given in to intriguing restaurant menu temptations way too often.

Shucks, I haven’t even been writing in my journal every morning. I’ve been writing, all right, but on blogs and my new book, not in my journal.

NO EXCUSE.

As a result, even though I feel JOY every single day as I experience new places and people as part of my Year by the Water; there’s been an underlying, (hhmm, look at that term) low-grade “bad feeling."

Instead of being in the zone and feeling I can “do no wrong,” I’ve been indulging in “wrong things” It doesn’t feel good ... and it’s so easy to change.

Long-time friend (and former President of National Speakers Association)  Glenna Salsbury wrote an inspiring book called “The Art of the Fresh Start."

Glenna points out that one of the many blessings of fresh starts is that we’re FREE to do them anytime we want.

Isn’t that a miracle?

ON ANY GIVEN DAY ... , we can wake up and choose to do things differently.

Today is INDEPENDENCE DAY. I am going to celebrate the “freedom of the fresh start” by re-committing to getting my FIRST SERVES in.

I am going to do the daily rituals that make my life so much easier, that create a life that feels right, and that keep the light on in my eyes.

For me, that means returning to WildFit eating (green, clean and lean protein), writing in my journal every morning, and getting in my 10,000 steps.

I will ask my son Tom and his wife Patty (who I’m about to see later today – YAY!) to find an app that will help hold me accountable for my healthy intentions.

For now, I’m heading to the hotel gym to jump on a treadmill (it’s 100 degrees outside) before driving to their home in Houston.

How about you?

What are your metaphorical “first serves” that create a life that feels right?

What daily rituals help you get in your zone, help keep the light on in your eyes?

How will you celebrate the “freedom of the fresh start” today, Independence Day, by bringing essential basics back into your life?

I look forward to hearing from you …

Freedom to Drive

On this July 4th weekend, may we be grateful for our freedoms. May we take a moment to really think about all the many things we’re free to do and send up thanks for them.

Of the many freedoms we have, my Year by the Water has given me multiple opportunities to revel in one of the most precious; the ability to travel freely, the ability get up and GO … without asking permission, without being regulated, without being told NO.

One of the first times I really became aware of how rare this is, and how many of us take it for granted (and shouldn’t) happened in the middle of a blizzard in the mountains by Yosemite.

We had booked a cabin at a family lodge that had ping pong, group dining, a huge fireplace, board games, and supposedly, snowshoeing and sledding.

Since we lived in Maui at the time, playing in the snow was a big draw for Tom and Andrew, who were about six and eight. What we hadn’t counted on was bad weather that kept us inside most of our time there.

One night, we were gathered in the main lodge and the front desk manager was really worried. A couple who were supposed to check in that afternoon still hadn’t arrived, and it was getting late. The manager was concerned their car might have gone off the narrow, windy road or gotten stuck.

Finally, with a gust of wind, the door opened and the couple walked in, much to everyone's relief.

I was standing by the desk while they explained they had gotten lost. But, and here’s the part that made a lasting impression on me, they didn’t panic because they were in America! They were originally from RUSSIA.

In Russia, if they wanted to make a long trip, they’d have to give their itinerary to the authorities. If they didn’t made a checkpoint at a certain time, they would come under suspicion, perhaps even be arrested. Here in America, they didn’t fear something bad would happen to them simply because they'd become lost. They felt safe.

Wow.

That memory floated back to me yesterday while driving through the glorious Smoky Mountains during Golden Hour … and listening to the final show of A Prairie Home Companion.

President Obama called in to give Garrison Keillor a well-deserved shout-out for his 42 years of story-telling that’s “made us all a little more humane.”

When asked what he was looking forward to when he’s out of office, Obama talked longingly of getting in a car without the Secret Service and GOING FOR A DRIVE on California’s Pacific Coast Highway.

Exactly.

See, going for a drive is a “satisfied need.” Abraham Maslow said that once a need is satisfied – whether it’s a survival need like having food, water and shelter – or a community need like family and friends – it is no longer a motivator. We tend to overlook it, take it for granted. We don't miss it until we no longer have it.

The freedom to get in a car and just take off - anytime, anywhere, with anyone - is something we usually don’t even think about. In fact, if we think about it at all, it’s usually to complain about the traffic, the weather, or “Are we there yet?”

This weekend, if you get in a car to head to the beach, the mountains, a community or national park to celebrate with family and friends, instead of thinking how hot it is or complaining how long it takes to get where you want to go - could you instead look around and MARVEL at what it really means to have the freedom, independence and luxury to drive where you want, when you want?

As I travel this great country of ours, I am amazed and impressed with its beauty, its variety, its abundance.

Our freedoms do not deserve to be taken for granted. They deserve our attention, respect and appreciation. Happy 4th of July weekend.

Sail OM

What a joy it was sailing on Chesapeake Bay with Captain Jen. I was in Annapolis, saw a flyer for Woodwind Schooners, called to sign up, and BOOM, was on the water later that afternoon.

Jen graciously gave me a go at the Woodwind II’s helm (yes, the same beautiful 74 foot schooner that was featured in the movie The Wedding Crashers.)

If you sail, you know what a visceral thrill it is when the sails fill with wind and the boat lifts, heels and digs in … all at the same time.  It is - in a word - uplifting.

I was so happy, I found myself humming Christopher Croft’s “Sailing” and The Commodores “Sail On.”

Part of the lyrics are:

“It's not far back to sanity at least it's not for me And when the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see, believe me

Sailing, takes me away To where I've always heard it Just a dream and the wind to carry me Soon I will be free”

And the melody in “Sail On” is: “Good times never felt so good”

A new friend on the boat snapped this picture and said, “You were so obviously in your element.  You were beaming.”

I laughed out loud and instantly realized what I was going to caption this photo.

Sail OM.

“Om” is defined as a “cosmic sound,” a “divine affirmation,” the “essence of breath” and “with which one is liberated.”

Yes … that is what it’s like sailing on a perfect, sunny day ...  alive, healthy, free and filled with gratitude.

How about you?

Do you sail?  What are some of your favorite memories of sailing?  What’s it mean to you?  What do you do that fills you with OM -  a "divine affirmation?"

It's not Serendipity ... It's SerenDestiny

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos says, "There will always be serendipity involved with discovery." You've know what I've found? "There will always be SerenDestiny involved with discovery."

Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favors the prepared mind."

Do you know what I've found?  Chance favors the aligned mind.

Here's what I mean.

I've been driving west for the past week as part of my ‪YEAR BY THE WATER.

It was time to look for a place to stay. I deliberately don't book myself into hotels in advance because I like to make it up as I go. Sometimes I'm listening to a fascinating Audible (like Gloria Steinem's Life on the Road) and will drive for hours nonstop. Other times I discover an interesting town and decide to explore it, even if I've only been on the road an hour.

I was driving through the glorious Rocky and Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.

They were so beautiful, I thought it'd be a crime to stay at a cookie-cutter "highway hotel" (e.g., Quality Inn or Comfort Inn) so I was keeping my eyes open for something green and in nature.

I saw a sign for Fairfield Glade Resort and thought, "That sounds green." I had no idea what it was, didn't know f they had places to rent, or if they'd have anything available, but it was worth checking it out, right? What did I have to lose?

Six miles down the road I found a reception center, walked in and asked if they had room at the inn. (smile).

Which is how, 20 minutes later, was I checking into a luxurious two bedroom condo with a washing machine, kitchen and spacious back porch overlooking woodlands - for about the same price as I would have paid for that Comfort Inn.

Which is also how, bright and early the next morning, I found myself "making waves and catching rays (thanks Little Big Town) and piloting a pontoon boat on beautiful Lake Dartmoor, lined by the greenest golf courses I've ever seen.

What's the lesson? I didn't PLAN this. I didn't even KNOW this place existed.

All I did was get clear about what I did NOT want (no highway hotels, thank you) - and what I DID want (something green and in nature) - and then I kept my antenna up for it.

When I saw something that was in alignment with my wants and wishes, I investigated. There were no guarantees. I didn't know what was going to happen, but my instincts and intuition were saying CHECK IT OUT.

I remember seeing security consultant Gavin de Becker interviewed on a TV show. He said he discovered something profound when interviewing people who had survived an assault or kidnapping for his book "The Gift of Fear." His first question to them was, "Did you have any wrning?'

Guess what they all said? "I knew something was wrong."

But they let their intellect over-ride their instincts. They looked around and thought, "It's broad daylight. I'm in an armored car. What could happen?"

I thought, "If our instincts alert us when something's about to go WRONG; don't they also alert us when something's about to go RIGHT?"

If we have a sixth sense that alerts us to DISSONANCE (something to avoid, run from) ... don't we also have a sixth sense that alerts us to RESONANCE (something to approach, head towards)?

Again and again on my Year by the Water, I have encountered and experienced mini-miracles (swimming with Zach the Dolphin, sailing on Chesapeake Bay with Captain Jen) - and not one of them did I PLAN.

I simply kept my antenna up and when something CAUGHT my attention, I PAID attention. When something resonated that was in alignment with my instincts and interests, I pursued it.

And it invariably delighted me. Because, as discussed in previous posts, our instincts have our best interests at heart.

If you want a life where the light is on in your eyes - start honoring your instincts. Get clear about what you don't want - and what you do want.

When your instincts warn you away from someone or something that is dissonant - DON'T GO THERE. When your instincts alert you to someone or something who is resonant - CHECK IT OUT.

Beat-the-odds opportunities are not luck, an accident or coincidence. They are not serendipity; they are your SerenDestiny, your best future meeting you halfway.

Author E.L. Doctorow was asked what it was like writing a novel. He said, "It's kind of like driving a car at night. You can only see to the end of your headlights; but you can make the whole trip that way."

Our instincts are our headlights.

Honor them. Act on them. They can help create a trip (and a life) that is in alignment with your interests, and that puts and keeps the light on in your eyes.

P.S. That beautiful photo of the flower above? That was taken on a sunset walk in my Oak Knoll neighborhood here at Fairfield Glade. More proof of the beauty we find when we pay attention to what catches our attention.

Waterfalls and Hot Springs

Science shows that delight – whether it’s laughing out loud or exclaiming at something that’s caught our favorable attention – releases feel-good endorphins. I am testimony to that. As written before, this ‪#‎YearbytheWater‬ adventure is half-plan, half-partner.

There are days and weeks when I need to be some place in particular at a certain time.

The last couple weeks, that would have been Washington DC for the White House United State of Women Summit and NYC to speak for Women in Consumer Technology.

Next month that includes being in Houston with my son Tom, his lovely in every way wife Patty, and my growing-by-the-minute grandson Mateo; then back to NYC for an event at the United Nations.

The rest of the time, I get to make it up as I go, parntering with what wants to happen, in search of delight.

Since I’m driving from the East Coast to Houston, I checked out route options. Hmm. I’ve heard about the The Omni Homestead Resort and its healing hot springs but I’ve never been there.

Sounds intriguing. Let’s go.

So, yesterday, I’m driving through the ‪#‎AlleghenyMountains‬, come around a corner and BOOM, there’s this waterfall.

I drive a little further, come around another corner and THERE is the Homestead, America’s first resort, home of the first indoor pool in the country, in all its glory.

I’ve lucked out. In addition to all its normal activities – horseback riding, golf, tennis, etc. – theyre celebrating their 250th (!) anniversary so there are FIREWORKS, set against the backdrop of the towering mountains.

But what catches my eye is AQUA YOGA … which is why you would have found me at the spa this morning. I tried to Herbal Coccoon and the Caribbean Storm "Experimental Shower." I'll take a drenched Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook," thank you very much.

Then it was time for our aqua youga class. Our teacher Teri welcomed us and explained that “yoga” is a Sanskrit word meaning “to unify” and that the focus of our session would be to unify our minds, bodies and spirits with nature.

Our first step (so to speak) was to do a walking meditation on the River Walk - or Reflexology Walk as it’s more accurately named.

Our small group of five moved slowly over the stones, feeling them with our feet as they woke up related parts of our body. Hello pancreas. Hello liver, kidney and heart.

The hydrotherapy we’re doing is based on the work of Father Sebastian Kneipp, an Austrian monk, who was one of the first to teach that the application of pressure on certain foot points relieves tension and improves circulation in corresponding glands and organs.

All I know is that this watery foot massage feels good, once you welcome the pressure instead of perceiving it as ouch, ouch, ouch.

Next, we slowly immersed ourselves in Octagon Spring, with its soothing, restorative, 96 degree water naturally infused with carbon dioxide and minerals of calcium, magnesium and potassium.

Teri led us though gentle yoga poses – half moon, warrior, side plank, boat, tree, Our movements flowed easily, thanks to the buoyancy of the water.

I marveled that I’m “land-locked,” nowhere near an ocean, yet my day has been filled with water in its many forms - waterfalls, hot springs ,cascading streams, river walks, aqua yoga.

Teri keeps us present by asking each of us how the water FEELS.

I tell her that whenever I’m in water, all’s right with my world. I appreciate how the water embraces me, supports me, buoys me. We welcome this temporary cessation of gravity and revel in our freedom and fluidity of movement. We all agree it’s an exquisitely sensual, sensory experience.

We end with Shavasana. Each of float effortlessly on the water, completely relaxed and at peace with ourselves and our surroundings. What a blessed way to start the day.

When we're in water, we are literally and figuratively in our element.

Why? Becaue we're made of water. We're not only connecting with nature; we're returning to our nature. We're coming home.

How about you?

It’s summer. Even if you’re land-locked, could you get yourself to a pool, lake, river or ocean sometime soon?

Could you gift yourself with a temporary escape from stress, tension and demands and get YOUR body in a body of water?

Could you unify your body, mind and spirit with the water, iimmerse yourself in it, move your limbs through it, float on it?

I'd love to hear your water stories. What it means to you and why.

Ripple Effects

One of the most important lessons-learned from my Year by the Water has been the ripple effect rewards of setting something new in motion.

For example, earlier this year, long-time friend Dewitt Jones (renowned National Geographic photographer) shared on Facebook that he’d be a guest expert at a private photography workshop at Monet’s Garden led by Charles Needle.

I immediately signed up even though:

• I’m “not a photographer”
• I don’t know a thing about f-stops, shutter speeds and ISO numbers.
• The other members of the group all had serious chops and years more experience
• I only had my trusty iPhone,not a professional-grade Nikon or Canon.

How could I pass up this one-of-a-kind opportunity to experience and write about one of the Seven Wonders of the Water World?

Imagine my surprise when, the very first day, Charles and Dewitt touted, and tutored us in, in the marvels of the iPhone.

Although they continue to use their “big boy” cameras - they’re big fans of the smart phone’s ability to capture a moment in the moment and the multitude of FREE apps that can “let the play begin.”

Within an hour of our first lesson, everyone was oohing and aahing with amazement at how an “ordinary” picture could become an “extraordinary” picture with a few trial-and-error taps of the finger.

We learned that anything can be art.

For example, I snapped a shot of my salad at lunch.  Granted, this is France so it wasn’t your everyday salad.  It featured delicate peels of pear and fresh lilac nestled in lettuce leaves that tasted as if they’d been plucked from a field that morning.

Thanks to SnapSeed,that snapshot turned into this lovely abstract image.

We wrapped up our week in Monet's Garden at “Golden Hour,” my favorite time of day as this was when the trades died down on Maui and my sons Andrew and Tom and I would head to Keawekapu Beach to play in the golden light before sunset.

That final night in Giverny, we strolled together down its charming main street to Hotel Baudy where Monet used to hang out and paint.

As we walked up, I saw Dewitt and his wife Lady Lynette sitting outside, contentedly sipping a Kir. Dewitt had hung his baseball hat on his knee instead of the table so he wouldn’t forget it.

I laughed out loud, snapped a shot and said, “Guess what the caption is for this photo?

KNEE CAP!”    Bada boom.

A couple minutes later, thanks to an easy-to-use app called SparkPost, I was able to produce this text image which will always bring back fond memories of that very special week and moment.

Over dinner, I suggested we do something my master-mind buddy Mary LoVerde (author of Stop Screaming at the Microwave) taught me.

As Mary explains, “Our annual summer vacation was a water-skiing trip to a lake eight hours away.  On the way there, we were full of anticipation so the drive went by quickly.

The trip home, not so much.  We were all tired, sun-burned and grumpy so, to prevent back-seat bickering, I invented the ‘Best Game.’  Best moment.  Best meal.  Best laugh.  Best new person met."

She continued, “This became our family tradition.  After every gathering – whether it was Thanksgiving, Christmas, a birthday or graduation - everyone got a chance to create a category and lead a round-table of answers. It’s a wonderfully bonding way to reflect upon, re-experience and celebrate our favorite moments.”

I agree with Mary that when people are gathered, it’s more fun for everyone to facilitate a meaningful shared conversation rather than swap small talk.

So, at our "last supper" in Giverny, I suggested we play Mary's “Best Game:

One by one, participants shared a stand-out memory – whether it was walking into Monet's Garden for the first time and having it take their breath away - or the fact that ten people could photograph the same lily pond and each would come up with a different point of view and perspective about what they saw.

When it was my turn, I said one of my epiphanies from our week together was what a delight it was to discover a new, instantly-rewarding skill at this stage of life.

Most skills have a long, often frustrating, learning ramp.

For example, If you want to learn to play the piano, it will take years of practice  before you get to the point where you can sit down and make beautiful music.

To play quality tennis, you need to hit thousands of forehands, backhands, serves and volleys before you can put them all together and enjoy satisfying games/rallies.

But with smart phone photography, you can have a good time and get decent results - with NO frustration or learning ramp - almost right away.

For me, that was a mini-miracle.  I am WAY over on the letf of the "techie" continuum. Things that come easily and naturally to others are “geek” to me.

But Charles, Dewitt and Jack H. Davis made this so easy to understand and do, it became a fully engaging creative process that produced gratifyingly satisfying results almost immediately – for FREE. Such a deal.

My roomie on this adventure was cherished friend Lynda Davis. Lynda was often up at all hours of the night … not because she couldn’t sleep but because she didn’t want to sleep.  She was having so much fun “binge-playing” with these apps; it was the equivalent of a kid begging for “just one more" before lights out.

So, what’s the moral of this story?

If you believe “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks,” please revisit that false assumption. It could be having negative ripple effects on the variety and quality of your life.

My friend Donna Steinhorn has George Bernard Shaw's quote on her email sig line:

"We don't stop playing because we get old; we get old because we stop playing."

Promise yourself that if a creative opportunity calls to you, you'll answer the call - even if you’ll be the rube of the group and worry you won’t be “good at it.”

If you see an activity that resonates with you – get yourself there – even if you’ve never done it before and aren't sure how it will play out.

If you’re traveling with a group or sitting around the table with friends and family, suggest the “Best Game” to create a connected, meaningful conversation where everyone shares and celebrates favorite moments.

Try something that’s out of your comfort zone and outside your competency zone,

The ripple effect of what you set in motion could enrich your day - and other people's day - for many days to come.

-     -    -     -

Sam Horn is the CEO of The Intrigue Agency which helps clients and audiences create quality, one-of-a-kind projects (TED talks, keynotes, books, brands, businesses and funding pitches) that scale their influence for good.

Sam's inspiring keynotes receive raves from such clients as National Geographic, Accenture, Intel, NASA and Capital One and her work - including her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu! POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured on NPR and in NY Times, Forbes, INC.

She's enjoying the best of all worlds in 2016, traveling the world on her Year by the Water, while speaking, consulting and writing about her experiences and epiphanies.